(My family is scattered around the house at a dinner party, which we will have to leave soon. My brother is sitting in the living room, and my parents are outside. You can enter and exit the living room both from a patio door, and a route around the side of the house.)

Mom: “Go tell your brother we need to leave.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I walk over to the patio door, and call to my brother.)

Me: “We have to go!”

Brother: “I’ll believe you when our parents say so.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I tell my mother what he said, and she sends my dad around the side of the house to get him. I return to my brother.)

Me: “Dad will be coming into the room in 20 seconds.”

Brother: “Yeah, right.”

(I see my dad stop at the dessert table first.)

Me: “And he will be bringing…” *closes eyes and hums* “…brownies. Definitely bringing brownies.”

Brother: “Pssht.”

(Dad walks into the living room, holding a brownie.)

Brother: “WHAT?!”

Me: “I know…” *widens eyes* “…EVERYTHING.”

(The weather has been nice, but the forecast is calling for evening rain showers.)

Me: “Hey, mom, it’s supposed to rain, so don’t forget to close the storms.”

(We have wooden sills, and the rain can damage them. Hours later, I come downstairs for a snack, only to hear the rain on the front walk.)

Me: “Mom! The storms! You forgot to close the storms!”

(I’m running through the house trying to close all of them, when I notice she hasn’t lifted a finger to open a single one.)

Me: “You ignored me just so I’d do all the work, didn’t you!?”

Mom: *cackles evilly*

(We have recently moved into a new house across from a family with lots of kids. The neighbor comes over, and points to me playing in the yard.)

Neighbor: “Is that your oldest daughter?”

Mom: “Well, sort of; she’s the only one.”

Neighbor: “You have boys then?”

Mom: “Nope, just her.”

(The neighbor suddenly looks sad.)

Neighbor: “Oh, you just have the one?”

Mom: “Yeah, I did it right the first time.”

(The neighbor never mentioned my only-child status again.)

(My brother has a fear of being ill. This is unfortunate, because as part of treatment for a stomach condition, I have to take immunosuppressants. As a result, I get ill a lot. I currently have shingles, and my brother is griping to my mum about it.)

Brother: “If I get ill, I won’t be best pleased.”

Mum: “It’s not like your sister will give it to you on purpose.”

Brother: “Well, she can be spiteful at times…”

(I’m pregnant, and texting my sister about not being able to handle certain smells. I’m worried about walking to and from the grocery store, because there are a dozen restaurants near my apartment building. My sister has recently had a baby, and had the same problem when she was pregnant.)

Me: “I think I need to buy those doctor face masks.”

Sister: “Oh, I have some. Remind me and I’ll give them to you.”

Me: “What? Why do you have some?”

Sister: “Yeah, mom stole me some from the hospital.”

Me: “Um, that’s not weird at all.”