July's Theme Of The Month: Stuck In The Car!

Troll Hunter

| MI, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(My seven-year-old brother is playing an online game. Someone says a racial slur in text chat.)

Brother: “What’s a [racial slur]?”


Brother: “What’s a [racial slur]?”

Mom: “Don’t you ever say that! That’s a terrible word!”

Brother: “…okay.”

Mom: “Let me see that!”

(My mom starts typing ‘DON’T USE RACIAL SLURS AROUND MY CHILDREN!’ in all caps. Another one of my brothers speaks up.)

Brother #2: “Dude, Mom! Don’t feed the trolls!”

Driving Into Darkness

| USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(I am in the car with my mom and brother, running errands. My mother drives a Jeep, and it’s a little big. Mom wants to pass a car in order to turn right, but it’s a narrow fit between the car, and a light post and tree right next to each other.)

Mom: “Can I pass?”

Me: “I don’t think we’ll fit.”

Mom: “We’ll fit!”

(She drives through, misses the post by an inch, and we hit with tree branches hanging down.)

Mom: “I told you we’d fit!”

Me: *unable to resist* “I am not sure that qualifies.”

Mom: “Why does that sound familiar?”

Brother: “She’s quoting Star Trek. So were you, actually.”

Mom: “…oh.”

Worlds Best Mom


Dance For Your Dinner

| Birmingham, England, UK | Children, Sons & Daughters

(My wife, four-year-old daughter, and I are sitting down for our evening meal.)

Me: *to our daughter* “Guess what we are having tomorrow for dinner? Tacos!”

Daughter: “Yay! I know, I’ll show you my taco dance!”

(She starts to do a little dance in her seat.)

Wife: “That nice; why don’t you show us after you’ve finished your dinner? I can’t wait to see it!”

(Our daughter suddenly looks forlorn, and speaks in a very matter-of-fact tone.)

Daughter: “You can; it’s not very good.”

Getting Word

| MI, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

Me: “The Oxford dictionary had ‘derp’ added to it recently.”

Mom: “What?! What are they going to add next, ‘twerk?'”

Me: “Yeah, that was added at the same time as ‘derp.'”

Mom: “What?!”

Me: “They also added ‘selfie.'”

Brother: “WHAT?!”

Raising The Roof Of Stupidity

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | Parents & Guardians

(The roof of my back porch is collecting rain, so my dad and my brother help me make it more sloped to let the water drain off. I’m telling my mum about it.)

Me: “We fixed the porch.”

Mum: “Oh good, did you shorten the posts?”

Me: *sarcastic* “No, we raised the house.”

Mum: *serious* “Really? How did you do that?”

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