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  • November Theme Of The Month: Thanksgiving!

    Zombie Cats Have Nine Deaths

    | VA, USA | Children, Nephews & Nieces

    (My boyfriend has an adorable niece. Her father is a hardcore gamer. We go over to visit.)

    Niece: *shrieks and screams* “Zomie ki ki! Zomie ki ki!”

    (My niece points at the very old, very thin cat who is hiding under the couch.)

    Mother: “Yeah. Some of her first words. ‘Zombie kitty.’ Whenever she sees that cat she screams and hides from the zombie kitty.”

    Me: *to my boyfriend* “You have the coolest niece ever!”

    Dad’s Game Plan

    | USA | Children, Sons & Daughters, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m seven. My family’s just about to leave from watching my sister’s soccer practice. Since I think soccer’s boring, I have passed the time by playing her friend’s Game Boy. Now I’m jealous and I want one very badly. My parents are notoriously cheap, and never got us kids anything except socks and underwear for Christmas.)

    Me: *excited* “Dad! You know what you can get me for Christmas?”

    Dad: “What?”

    Me: “A Game Boy!”

    Dad: “No way.”

    Me: *whining* “Why not?”

    Dad: “Your grades haven’t been good.”

    Me: “They’re average! Nothing wrong with being average. At least they’re not bad. C’mon, Dad. Please?”

    Dad: “No. And, besides…”

    Me: “Besides what?”

    Dad: “It’s not made for you.”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Dad: “It’s called a Game BOY. It’s made only for boys.”

    Me: “DAD!”

    Dad: “If they come out with a Game Girl, I’ll get you one of those.”

    Blind Leading The Blind

    | QLD, Australia | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

    (My seven-year old dog is going blind, and has a habit of getting under our feet and tripping us up. I’m cooking when I hear my dad, behind me, trip over her.)

    Dad: “[Dog’s Name]! I didn’t see you there! I guess you didn’t see me, either…”

    The Perfect Problem

    | Antwerp, Belgium | Children, Nephews & Nieces

    Niece: “Auntie, it is not fair. For the third time in a row, I could not improve my math quiz!”

    Me: “Well, honey, if you did not understand something you need to ask for help. We are all here for you.”

    Niece: “I understand it alright.”

    Me: “Then what is the problem?”

    Niece: “I got everything right each time, so I cannot do better!”

    Me: “Honey, there are a lot of kids who would very much like to have your problem.”

    Is It A Bird? Is It A Plane? No! It’s Batman!

    | Norway | Children, Friends, Sons & Daughters

    (A classmate is driving me and another girl home. In the car with us is her four-year-old daughter, who saw a shooting star earlier in the evening.)

    Daughter: “When we get home, we’re going back out to look for it and see if we can find it!”

    Classmate: “I don’t think we will, darling.”

    Daughter: “Why not, Mom?”

    Classmate: “It probably burnt up.”

    Daughter: “Why?”

    Me: “Well, shooting stars are rocks from space that fall to the earth. And when they hit where our air is, they move so fast through the air that they catch fire. So they usually burn up before they hit the ground.”

    Daughter: “No. I know what it was! I know what it was, Mom!”

    Classmate: “What was it?”

    Daughter: “It was a superhero!”

    Classmate: “Really? Like… Na na na na na na na na—”

    Entire Car: “Batman!”

    (We laugh.)

    Classmate: “That was perfect, but I think it says something about all of us when we knew how to finish the song.”

    Knows Right Off The Bat

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Children, Nephews & Nieces, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m deciding on what Christmas presents to get for my friend’s nephew, who is four. Everyone is getting him Batman themed things. I decide to get him a stuffed animal.)

    Me: “Hey, [Name]. What’s your favorite animal?”

    Friend’s Nephew: *loudly* “BATMAN!”