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    Modern Language Is Crumbling

    | Canada |

    (I’m eating cookies and I want my brother to turn off the radio.)

    Me: “afslkjnsfhio?”

    Brother: “What? Oh, turn off the radio, yeah.”

    Mom: “…How did that happen?”

    Ruined In The Twink Of An Eye

    | Iowa, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I used to constantly snack throughout the day. This caused me some problems with weight gain. However, I have got better at it. My mom is talking to me about my eating habits.)

    Mom: *in one uninterrupted sentence and completely serious* “You’ve got to be careful of what you eat, you don’t want to become unhealthy. Do you want me to get Twinkies when I’m at the store?”

    If You Want To Sing A Song But Something’s Smelling Really Wrong

    | MI, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Grandparents, Themed Giveaway

    (My grandmother, grandfather, and aunt have just arrived, having driven from Florida.)

    Aunt: “And, we sang songs on the way. Like, ‘She’ll be coming around the mountain when she comes’! Oh, and, ‘If you’re riding in your Chevy, and you’re feeling kinda heavy, DIARRHEA!”

    Grandpa: “No, only you sung that one.”

    Facts Stripped Bare

    | Attleboro, MA, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Parents & Guardians

    Mom: “When’s your boyfriend going to Switzerland for his friend’s wedding?”

    Me: “The 14th. But he’ll be going to Italy the 18th for the bachelor party. There will be strippers. I’m not happy.”

    Mom: “Yeah, I’d be worried.”

    Me: “Oh, thanks. That makes me feel better.”

    Mom: “Yeah, European chicks are hot. Way hotter than you.”

    Me: “I’m going to go cry in a corner.”

    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 5

    | Lansing, MI, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Grandparents, Themed Giveaway

    (Grandma is talking to my aunt on the phone and is having trouble hearing on her portable home phone.)

    Grandma: “Oh, I can’t hear you very well. Let me switch to another phone.”

    (A minute passes as she gets a different phone.)

    Grandma: “Okay, can I hear you better now?”

    Aunt: “I don’t know, can you?”

    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 4
    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 3

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