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    She Isn’t Small Fry

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Children, Siblings, Sons & Daughters, Theme Of The Month

    (We stop by the McDonald’s drive-thru to get our two daughters some supper.)

    Three-year-old Daughter: “Can I have a fry?”

    Nine-year-old Daughter: “Mom, she’s asking me for a fry but she has her own.”

    Mother: “So? Ask her for a fry then.”

    Nine-year-old Daughter: “Can I have a fry?”

    Three-year-old Daughter: “No, you have your own.” *laughs maniacally*

    Flashlight-Bulb Moment

    | NY, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My parents park the car in the garage, which is in the backyard. It is night and extremely dark, so my parents have to wander back through the maze that is our yard. My mom is the only one with a flashlight, and goes running ahead leaving my dad wandering around in the dark.)

    Mom: “Hi!”

    (She walks happily up the steps. Dad is screaming in pain, tripping, and cursing in the background.)

    Me: “Uh…”

    Sister: “Shine the flashlight at daddy, please.”

    Mom: “What?”

    Sister & Me: *shouting* “Shine the flashlight!”

    (Mom shines flashlight in our faces. My sister and I exchange looks with each other in disbelief. Dad is still fumbling around, making his way up the steps.)

    Mom: “…What?”

    Me: “Shine the flashlight…”

    Mom: “Yes?”

    Sister: “…at your husband bumbling around behind you.”

    Mom: “Oh!”

    (My mom turns around and shines the light straight into my dad’s face, blinding him.  My dad is covered with bumps and scrapes. He looks very unhappy.)

    Dad: *flatly* “Hello.”

    Mom: “Oh, there you are. What happened to you?”

    Cranked All The Way Up To 11

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Children, Siblings, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m at my desk trying to concentrate on my homework. My 10-year-old sister comes in.)
    Sister: “In high school, do they give you a lot of homework?”
    (I’m not really paying attention, so I mindlessly answer.)
    Me: “Yes.” 
    Sister: “Like, how much?”
    Me: “A bunch.”
    Sister: “More than 10?”
    Me: “Yes.”
    Sister: *shocked* “11?!”

    Putting The Fun Into Funeral, Part 2

    | St. Albans, WV, USA | Aunts & Uncles

    (My aunt has just died. My uncle is a high level state trooper. There are a few state troopers, in uniform, at the funeral to pay their respect. A woman comes up to my uncle, not knowing what he does for a living.)
    Woman: “What are all these policemen doing here?”
    Uncle: “You haven’t heard?”
    (The woman shakes her head.)
    Uncle: “You see that woman over there?”
    (He points to a woman he doesn’t know.)
    Uncle: “Well, she’s in jail for killing a man. But she really wanted to come to this funeral. The police agreed, but they are standing watch.” *walks away, leaving the woman standing there, shocked*
    Putting The Fun Into Funeral

    Don’t Ask Her To Change Her Mind

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I am four years old. I have put my shoes on the wrong feet.)
    Mom: “You need to switch your feet.”
    (I burst into tears.)
    Me: “But, these are the only feet I have!”

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