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    Don’t Ask Her To Change Her Mind

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I am four years old. I have put my shoes on the wrong feet.)
    Mom: “You need to switch your feet.”
    (I burst into tears.)
    Me: “But, these are the only feet I have!”

    My Son Is Classy

    | Reston, VA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I have sold a computer to an older woman and her son.)

    Me: “So, it seems like we’ve got everything set up for your new computer! And since this is your first new device in almost a decade, would you be interested in signing up for any classes here at our store? Computers have really changed a lot since your last machine.”

    Mom: “Classes do sound great, but I’ve already got a great teacher here! My son knows everything there is about computers. I’m sure he will sit down with me and teach me everything I need to know!”

    (The customer’s son’s eyes open wide with a look of horror.)

    Son: “You know, Mom, those classes sound great for you! I’ll even pay for them myself!”

    What A Crumbly World

    | USA | Children, Siblings, Theme Of The Month

    (One of Louie Armstrong’s songs is playing on the radio. My four-year-old sister is listening intently.)
    Sister: “Mom! The Cookie Monster is singing!”

    Flower Power

    | Rochester, NY, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Children, Nephews & Nieces

    (I am about five years old, and the first niece on this side of the family. My uncle has announced at dinner that he’s going to be married.)
    Me: “I can’t wait to be a flower girl!”
    Uncle: “That’d be nice, sweetie. But [future aunt] has nieces, too. She may want them to be flower girls.”
    (I set my fork down, and look my uncle right in the eyes, very seriously.)
    Me: “Uncle, if you break my heart, I will never speak to you again.”
    (My uncle got up from his meal to call his fiancée, and I got to be a co-flower girl! I have since apologized for emotional blackmail.)

    Triplet Threat

    | USA | Siblings, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m traveling with my triplet brothers. I get to the hotel restaurant before they do, and they arrive one at a time. Brother #1 sits down and takes a menu from the waitress.)

    Brother #1: “Have you ordered yet?”

    Me: “No, I just got here. I ordered a pot of tea; that’s all.”

    Brother #1: “Oh, excellent. I’ll be right back. I’ve got to wash my hands.”

    (He leaves, and Brother #2 arrives, sitting down across the table.)

    Waitress: “Hey, weren’t you sitting over here?”

    Brother #2: “No, ma’am. But may I have some water?”

    (She leaves, confused. When she comes back, all three of them are at the table.)

    Waitress: “Oh, my God! There’s three of you! Oh, thank god! I thought I was going crazy. I saw one of you out by the hostess’ desk, and another one coming from the restroom!”

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