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    Putting The Rent In Parent

    | FL, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I live at home while in college. The deal is that when I graduate, I either have to move out, or pay rent. I am trying on my cap and gown for the graduation ceremony.)

    Me: “My last class is Thursday! I’m so ready for graduation!”

    (My parents say nothing, but pull out their phones.)

    Me: “What are you doing?”

    Dad: “Calculating when your first rent payment will be due!”

    Me: “Thanks, guys. Way to prioritize.”

    North Test Territories

    | WY, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom and I are driving home. We pass the lottery.)

    Me: “Did you know that lotteries and giveaways are illegal in Canada?”

    Mom: “Makes sense; they attract all the wrong kinds of people.”

    Me: “Yeah, they’re required to include a skill test of sorts. Almost like a simple math problem.”

    Mom: “Canada is a special little country…”

    Yakking On About Business

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My family owns a tour company. We’re working on developing a tour to Bhutan. I’m filling out a form to get the trip approved by the Bhutan government, and need my dad—the boss—to sign it.)

    Me: “I need you to sign this Dad.”

    Dad: “What is this? Did you sell me off?”

    Me: “Yeah, I sold you to Bhutan for 40 yaks.”

    Dad: “What?!”

    Me: “Oh, sorry; I meant 150 yaks.”

    Dad: “That’s better.” *signs the form with flourish*

    Daddy Wins The Constellation Prize

    | Chattanooga, TN, USA | Children, Theme Of The Month

    (My daughter and I decide to have a picnic in a field close to where we live. We end up making an entire day of it. The sun has gone down and the stars are out. My daughter is six years old.)

    Me: “The night sky looks a lot different when there are no lights around.”

    Daughter: “I wonder if we will see a shooting star?”

    Me: “You know, some stars make a picture if you trace them with your finger.”

    Daughter: “They’re called constellations, daddy… duh.”

    Bound By His Love For Handcuffs

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians

    (A mother and her son walk up to my counter. The boy has a set of play handcuffs in his hands.)

    Boy: “Ooh!”

    Mother: “What are you doing?”

    Boy: “I just love handcuffs!”

    Mother: *to me* “I’m sorry; he’s just weird.”

    (I finish ringing them up. The mother buys her son the handcuffs.)

    Boy: “You just bought me handcuffs! Do you know how long I have waited for this day?! I love handcuffs!”

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