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    Pause For No Thought

    | Carlsbad, CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My father and step-mother have just gotten back from a stroll. My step-mother goes into the bathroom as a TV show is starting. Note that we can pause and rewind shows.)

    Dad: *calling out* “Should I rewind it?”

    (No response.)

    Dad: “How do you stop this thing?”

    Me: “Did you try hitting “pause”?”

    Dad: “No, I don’t wanna try to get clever. I’ll just wait for [Step-Mother] to get back.”

    Me: “…”

    (I’m not sure what he thought would go wrong just from hitting “pause”…)

    Best To Keep The Coke In Context

    | MD, USA | Siblings

    (Two of our relatives have just moved to a new apartment and are holding a housewarming party. One of the presents is a kitchenware set that includes coffee mugs.)

    Me: *picks a mug up and pretends to take a sip out of it*

    Sister: *jokingly* “[My Name!] Keep your filthy lips off the cups!”

    Me: *also jokingly* “Me? Filthy?! You’re the one with the Coke lips!”

    (For context, my sister has a tube of novelty lip gloss that tastes like Coca-Cola, so when she wears it, she technically has Coke lips.)

    Honey-Nut Mommy

    | NY, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (Every once and I while, I check to make sure our three-year-old knows our names, for safety reasons. Sometimes… she decides to be silly.)

    Me: “[Daughter], what’s my name?”

    Daughter: “Mommy.”

    Me: “But what’s my name?”

    Daughter: “I call you mommy.”

    Me: “Okay. What does Daddy call me? ”

    Daughter: “Honey.”

    Me: *thinking I’ve finally got her* “What does Aunt [My Sister] call me?”

    Daughter: “Nuts.”

    Spiders Give You Cold Feet

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Siblings

    (My sister is visiting me. I enter my house through the garage, and never wear shoes indoors, so my shoes are kept on a rack by the door going into the house. On our way inside, I stop and put my shoes on the rack.)

    Sister: “Aren’t you worried that when you keep your shoes out here, that spiders are going to crawl into your shoes and lie in wait for you?”

    Me: “…”

    Me: “Well, I am NOW.”

    The Stairway To Adolescence

    | Finland | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (I have just said something that my daughter considers embarrassing.)

    Daughter: “Ugh, mom! You are so embarrassing!”

    Me: *to Husband* “Yep, we have reached THAT age.”

    Daughter: “Well, only when you’re talking…”

    Me: “[Daughter], you might want to start digging stairs.”

    Reading Never Bothered Her Anyway

    | PA, USA | Sons & Daughters

    (My daughter loves the song “Let it Go” from Frozen. She has learned a few basic phrases in Spanish, and she wants to sing it in Spanish. The Latin American Spanish title is “Libre Soy”, which means “I’m free”.)

    Daughter: *singing* “Libro soy! Libro soy!”

    Me: “You just sang ‘I’m a book!'”

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