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    Always Second Best

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (My divorce was several years in the past, and I bring my fiancé to meet my parents at Christmas.)

    Mother: “[Fiancé]?”

    Fiancé: “Yes?”

    Mother:“I just want you to know … I mean, [My Name]‘s father and I want you to know…”

    Fiancé: “Yes?”

    Mother: “We just want you to know how much we miss [My Name]‘s first husband!”

    Fiancé: *blank silence*

    Not In The Best Moo-d

    | CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My dad has called me to ask if I need anything from the store. He’s a little hard of hearing.)

    Dad: “I’m on my way to the store. Do you need anything?”

    Me: “Yes. Get me some milk.”

    Dad: “What?”

    Me: *louder* “Milk!”


    Me: “MILK! MOO JUICE!”

    Most People Just Forget The Carrots

    | Jerusalem, Israel | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My wife has taken our two-year-old son with her to the supermarket, leaving me and our daughter at home. After buying the groceries, my wife puts our son back in the car and they begin driving home. It must be emphasized that they have been outside the house for less than an hour.)

    Son: “Where are Daddy and [Daughter]?”

    Wife: “At home still.”

    Son: “I don’t remember Daddy and [Daughter] anymore…”

    Complaining About All Walks Of Life

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My brother and I are hanging out in the living room with my mother nearby in the kitchen. I’m playing a video game on my laptop. In the game I had the character walk from one town to the other which took me a little while.)

    Me: “Hold on for a second. I need to go to the bathroom.”

    Brother: “Can I play while you’re gone?”

    Me: “I guess, but don’t get killed. I haven’t been able to save since [Town #1].”

    Brother: “Okay!”

    (I get up to do my business and come back. Sure enough, my brother is sitting there with a sheepish look on his face.)

    Brother: “Um… sorry. I kinda died.”

    Me: *annoyed* “Great, now I have to walk all the way back to [Town #2].”

    (My mother overhears this exchange.)

    Mother: “You’re complaining about walking in a video game? How lazy are you?!”

    Not Easily Em-bra-rassed

    | Bay Port, MI, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I had joined the military at 18 and therefore live in a different state. As such, my family hadn’t had a chance to meet my boyfriend of a year yet. For Christmas, since his grandparents lived across the state, he came up with me to meet my parents. The first night in, this happened:)

    Mom: *holding up a pattern in the middle of an unrelated conversation* “I make my own bras. My boobs are just too big. I can’t find them without under-wires.” *carries on as if this was completely normal*

    (Considering that didn’t scare him off, I decided he was a keeper. My boyfriend is now my husband of seven years and we have kids of our own to embarrass!)

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