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    Doctor Who And The Planet Of The Ironies

    | Christchurch, New Zealand | Children, Nephews & Nieces, Theme Of The Month

    (The family has gathered to watch the ‘Doctor Who’ Christmas special. The alien antagonists are call ‘The Silence.’ My nephew, who has been chatting and noisily rummaging in the toybox throughout, speaks up:)

    Nephew: “What on Earth is silence?”

    (We couldn’t agree more!)

    Underwear Overworks

    | Helsinki, Finland | Siblings, Theme Of The Month

    (My younger sister and I are both kids and mum has just mentioned that we must be nice because elves are watching.)

    Me: “Yeah, because if you aren’t, Santa will only bring you underwear!”

    Sister: *horrified silence*

    Not A Trivial Matter

    | UK | Siblings, Theme Of The Month

    (My family and I are playing Trivial Pursuit on Christmas Day. My 19-year-old sister immediately knows she has no chance against the rest of us so she assigns herself as ‘Question Master’ so that she can still take part.)

    Me: “Pink! That’s entertainment!”

    Sister: “Pink… Okay, then… Which author is Moby Alllagadlee a decent of?”

    (We all look slightly confused, particularly me because it happens to be my question.)

    Me: “Can I have a look at the question, please?”

    Sister: “No! You’ll cheat!”

    Me: “Not if I walk round to your side of the table and look over your shoulder.”

    Sister: “…erm.” *ponders for a moment* “Okay, then…”

    (I stand up, walk around the table, and look over her shoulder.)

    Me: “Dude… that says ‘allegedly.’”

    Too Much Reading, Not Enough Speaking

    | USA | Grandparents, Theme Of The Month

    (My mother is on the phone with my grandmother and has just told her about a new book she bought me.)

    Grandmother: “Oh, [My Name] is such a reader! You know, she gets that from me. I’ve always been such a big reader. And now that I’m retarded, I have much more time to read.”

    (My mother had to hang up the phone because she couldn’t stop laughing. My grandmother didn’t understand what had happened. FYI, she meant to say ‘retired.’)

    Not A Family Friendly Christmas

    | Athens, Greece | Children, Siblings, Sons & Daughters, Theme Of The Month

    (I am in the kitchen with my husband while our four children decorate the Christmas tree. I look into the living room to make sure they’re being good.)

    Me: *to my husband* “Aren’t they sweet? For once, they’re playing nicely.”

    (Just then, my almost five-year-old daughter comes running to us with a big grin.)

    Daughter: “Mama! Instead of a star, can we cut off [Sister]‘s head and put it at the top of the tree?”


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