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    Sadly There Are Plenty More Fish In That Sea

    | UK | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (Growing up, we weren’t allowed to swear, but as we got older mum allowed us to spell the swear words if we were telling a story that involved them or were really, really angry. We still had to ask to do this for a while, though. I’m 16 and my sister 13.)

    Sister: “And then dad went ‘this is…’  Can I spell a swearword?”

    Mum: “Okay.”

    Sister: “C-A-R-P.”

    (We all burst out laughing except my sister.)

    Sister: “What?”

    Me: “You just spelt out carp. The fish.”

    Sister: “Oh.”

    Step-Dad: “You might want to go back and talk to the school again.”

    I Leave My Husband With The Baby For Ten Minutes…


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    September Theme Of The Month: Return Of The Geeks

    Not Always Related | Announcements, Theme Of The Month
    Introducing September’s Theme Of The Month: Return Of The Geeks!

    Entering is easy:

    1. Submit a funny or interesting story about this month’s theme: Return Of The Geeks. Share a story about families and family members that enjoy the geekier side of things!
    2. At the end of the month, we’ll feature our favorite Theme Of The Month stories in a roundup!

    A Few Sandwiches Short Of A Picnic

    | UK | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My mum does drink wine, but rarely gets drunk. I am 15 and my sister 12. Mum has let us stay home alone for the first time while she and my step-dad go to the pub two miles up the road. She comes home around midnight, and while my sister and I had promised to go to bed before midnight, we were still up and playing videogames with the lights off and the sound down. She comes home drunk, and my step-dad sober as the designated driver. She yells up the stairs.)

    Mum: “We’re home. Are you asleep?”

    Me: “Not now.”

    Mum: “Do you want sandwiches?”

    Sister: “No thanks, mum. We’re not hungry.”

    Mum: “Okay. Go back to sleep.”

    (We carry on playing the videogame, determined to finish the level. Five minutes later:)

    Mum: *still yelling* “Are you asleep?”

    Us: “No!”

    Mum: “Do you want a sandwich?”

    Us: “No, thanks.”

    Mum: “Okay.”

    (This goes on for a little while. My step-dad has already gone to bed, but my mum is pottering about the house, drunk and offering us a sandwich every five minutes.)

    Mum: “Do you girls want sandwiches?”

    Me: “N—”

    Sister: “Yes, please, mum!”

    Me: “Don’t say yes. She’ll come upstairs.”

    Sister: “She won’t leave us alone until we have a sandwich. We can turn the telly off when she comes up and leave the game on.”

    Me: “Oh, yeah.”

    (Mum makes us sandwiches, and we hear her start up the stairs. We flick the telly off and put a jumper over the gaming console to hide the ‘on-light’ and jump into bed. We hear a stumble and then our mum yells up the stairs.)

    Mum: “I’m leaving your sandwiches on the stairs. Comes get them quick before the dog eats them.”

    (We run down and get our surprisingly well made sandwiches and my mother decides to end the evening with this:)

    Mum: “You know, you girls promised to be asleep by now. I think I should take away your videogames for a week.”

    (My sister starts to argue how she woke us up, but I tell her okay, and we go back up to bed. As I suspected, the next day she remembers nothing.)

    No Vocation For Location, Part 12

    | Lorain, OH, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My stepfather and I have an argument about what county our city is in.)

    Step Dad: “It’s a good thing we don’t live in Lorain County.”

    Me: “Lorain IS in Lorain County!”

    Step Dad: “No, it isn’t.”

    Me: “I can prove it to you.”

    (I grab a copy of one of my mom’s old encyclopedia and go to the page showing the Ohio county maps. I point to Lorain which is clearly shown to be in Lorain County.)

    Me: “See?”

    Step Dad: “Well, that’s not right anymore. This book was made 20 years ago so it’s wrong!”

    Related:
    No Vocation For Location, Part 11
    No Vocation For Location, Part 10
    No Vocation For Location, Part 9
    No Vocation For Location, Part 8
    No Vocation For Location, Part 7

    Made Her Bed, Now She Has To Lie In It

    | Surrey, England, UK | Parents & Guardians

    (We’re sat at home eating dinner, when my mum turns to my dad and says:)

    Mum: “You were awful in bed last night!”

    (My jaw drops at how brazen this statement is.)

    Mum: “You were snoring really loudly, you were tossing and turning, and you kept kicking me!”

    (Dad and I laughed so hard that we had to leave the room for a few minutes to calm down. Meanwhile my mum was completely unaware of what she had said.)


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