• I Smell A New Train Of Thought
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  • August's Theme Of The Month: Best. Family Member. Ever!

    Good Luck Blowing Out 2000 Candles

    | Wales, UK | Siblings, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (It is Christmas Eve. My brother is four and I am nine. My family doesn’t tell my brother when exactly Christmas day is, that way he’ll sleep through the night instead of waiting up for Santa Claus. I’m laying the dinner table with my dad for Christmas dinner the next day. We’re not a particularly religious family.)

    Brother: “What are you doing?”

    Me: “Laying the table for tomorrow.”

    Brother: *notices the fancier table settings* “Why, what’s tomorrow?”

    Me: *thinking fast* “Jesus’ birthday!”

    (My dad shoots me a thumbs up over my brother’s head. My brother considers my answer.)

    Brother: “Oh. Can I sit next to Jesus?”

    It’s A Crazy Time Of Year

    | Poulsbo, WA, USA | Siblings, Theme Of The Month

    (My brother and I have a long standing tradition of decorating my room and watching movies on Christmas Eve. This is about three days before Christmas and I’m making paper snowflakes for decorating the following afternoon. It’s about three am when this takes place.)

    Me: *happily making snowflakes and watching Netflix in my hideous holiday sweater, when I hear my door open and turn to see my younger brother* “Hi, [Brother], what are you doing up?”

    Brother: *looks around the room* “Are you really sitting in a candle lit room at three am making paper snowflakes and watching Dexter?”

    Me: *nods and grins*

    Brother: “Choo choo! The train is now leaving Looneyville. Next stop, I’m-not-hiding-any-bodies-for-you town. G`night, sis.”

    (He shuffled back off to bed without another word.)

    Have Yourself A Filthy Little Christmas

    | Australia | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians, Theme Of The Month

    (I am 16 and discussing Christmas presents with my father.)

    Dad: “I’m thinking of buying Grandpa the new joke book that got released.”

    Me: “Oh, my God, I read it and it’s full of filthy jokes. It’s so crude; you can’t get that for Grandpa!”

    Dad: “Okay, maybe not.”

    (Fast forward to after Christmas. Dad is talking to Grandpa.)

    Grandpa: “So, [Dad], I got given this joke book. It’s quite funny, actually. You can borrow it; just make sure you don’t leave it where [My Name] could find it. It’s far too adult for a young girl to read…”

    Needs To Wash Out That Mouth

    | FL, USA | Parents & Guardians, Top

    (My parents have alternating workdays, so there is no need for a babysitter or daycare. One day, my dad decides to try to fix the washing machine. He lets me run loose around the backyard while he pounds away in the shed. When my mom comes home, I’m really excited to see her.)

    Me: “Mommy, Mommy! I learned new words!”

    (I happily repeat a long stream of cuss words. Mom turns to Dad.)

    Mom: “Care to explain yourself?”

    Dad: “I fixed the washing machine…”

    (Mom didn’t care that he’d fixed the washing machine.)

    December Theme Of The Month: The Holidays & The New Year!

    Not Always Related | Announcements, Theme Of The Month
    Introducing December’s Theme Of The Month: The Holidays & The New Year!

    Entering is easy:

    1. Submit a funny or interesting story about this month’s theme: The Holidays & The New Year. Share a story about the holidays and the New Year!
    2. At the end of the month, we’ll feature our favorite Theme Of The Month stories in a roundup!

    Fire Trick Backfired

    | The Netherlands | Parents & Guardians

    (We’re having a party for my brother who has just turned five. My mum has brought in the birthday cake and has placed it in front of him. The cake has five trick candles on top of it.)

    Mum: “Go on, [Brother]. Make a wish and blow out your candles.”

    (My brother tries blowing several times, but the flames keep coming back.)

    Me: “Oh, I know! You gotta spit, like this…”

    (As I am leaning in, Mum, Dad, and the rest of the adults at the party rush forward.)

    Party: “Nononononono!”

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