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    Breast Awareness

    | Pacific Grove, CA, USA | Spouses & Partners

    (My wife has recently broken her toe, so she has been walking around in a protective boot. This is following a year of serious medical issues, including a neural angiogram for a suspected aneurysm, gall stones, and to top it off, several months of treatment for breast cancer, after which she had a double mastectomy. She had just been told she couldn’t reconstruct for another year, so she finally went and got breast prosthetics. She wears them the next day to an event at our son’s school. She’s feeling very self-conscious about the prosthetics, since to her they seem very large. We see another family we know fairly well.)

    Husband Of The Other Family: “Hey, [My Wife]! Did you have surgery?”

    My Wife: “No! They’re prosthetics!” *gesturing to her chest*

    Husband Of The Other Family: “Uh, no, I, uh… I meant your foot. Since you’re wearing that walking boot.”

    (Everyone turns a little red in the face before we all start laughing about it!)

    Seems To Have Got The Wrong Point

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Children, In-Laws, Nephews & Nieces

    (My four-year-old nephew had climbed up the counter to sneak away a large carving knife. My brother-in-law finds him in the garden chopping leaves with it, but not before he’d given himself a small cut on his finger. After scolding him, my brother-in-law gives him a talking to.)

    Brother-In-Law: “Now. What have we learned from this?”

    Nephew: “Use a smaller knife.”

    Not Your Stereotypical Grandmother

    | Dover, DE, USA | Grandparents, LGTBQ, Top

    (I’m visiting my grandmother. I’ve just come out to her as bi. I’m a young woman dating a black man almost a year younger than me. While still talking about LGBT things, our conversation starts towards gender stereotypes.)

    Grandmother: “What I don’t get, is why a girl can like cars and guys’ll like her, but a guy can like sewing or baking and suddenly he’s a f*****.”

    (My grandmother then turns to me, and looks at me seriously for a moment.)

    Grandmother: “Now, [My Name], don’t you ever say that word. It’s nasty and mean. It’s like if I walked up to [Boyfriend's Name] and called him a n*****.”

    Me: “I was just about to call you out on that. Were you just saying that as a ‘that’s what other people say’ type thing?”

    Grandmother: “Yeah. I wouldn’t call you or a girl you brought home that, never in a million years. Did I ever tell you about my basketball friend?”

    Me: “No?”

    Grandmother: “Well, I had a girlfriend. I guess you’d call her a gal pal, anyway. I had this girl friend that I was on a basketball team with and I spent the night at her house. Back then two girls or two guys could share a bed without it being gay. Anywho, we were lying there in bed and she started touching on my leg and trying to make moves on me!”

    Me: “Oh, my God, and you don’t swing that way.”

    Grandmother: “H*** no I don’t! But I let her down easy and we went swimmin’ the next day.”

    Me: “You’re taking this a lot better than some people. I have a friend that’s physically a girl, but psychologically he’s a boy.”

    (I pause to see her reaction to my explanation about what transgender is, but she doesn’t react. I continue…)

    Me: “When he came out to his mom, she told him that he was just a confused lesbian.”

    Grandmother: “Well, that woman’s so full of s*** they gotta hang an air freshener around her neck!”

    They Will Have No Hand In This

    | Wales, UK | Friends, Parents & Guardians

    (I pop into my friend’s house to give her something. My friend is talking to their dad.)

    Friend: “Tell [My Name] what you just told me.”

    Dad: “No.”

    Friend: “He just said to me, ‘I’ve had to change what I hand I use to wipe my bum with. It’s very weird.’”

    (I had to leave straight away without saying anything before I lost it!)

    Batmom

    | Eagan, MN, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m sitting on the couch with my daughter, who is just learning to talk at the time. I’m pretty nerdy for a girl and I am wearing a Batman shirt.)

    Daughter: “What’s that?”

    Me: “That’s Batman, sweetie. Can you say ‘Batman?’”

    Daughter: *thinks* “… Mommy!”

    Me: “You are the best kid ever.”


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