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    Death By Chocolate

    | Davenport, IA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom and I are watching ‘Supernatural.’ It is an episode about zombies.)

    Character On TV: “How do we put him down? Headshot.”

    Mom: “What did they say?”

    Me: “Headshot.”

    Mom: “Hot chocolate?”

    Me: “Yes, mom, you give zombies hot chocolate and tuck them into ‘beddybye.’”

    Mom: “… Smarta**.”

    No Vocation For Location, Part 11

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Siblings

    Sister: “I want to get a little dog and name it Milan. You know, like that city in Paris.”

    Me: “… What?”

    Sister: “I mean, France!”

    Me: “Nope. Still wrong.”

    No Vocation For Location, Part 10
    No Vocation For Location, Part 9
    No Vocation For Location, Part 8
    No Vocation For Location, Part 7

    Reacting On The Fly

    | China | Children, Nephews & Nieces, Top

    (My brother recently took his little four-year-old daughter on the bus with him. She notices that the zipper on the bag he is carrying is open.)

    Niece: “Dad, your zipper is open!”

    Brother: *panics and leans over to look at his fly*

    (Everybody on the bus turns to look at my brother, some glancing down to his jeans as well. My niece notices that my brother’s notebook has fallen out and tries to tell him.)

    Niece: “Daaaaad! Your zipper’s open, and now all of your stuff is falling out!”

    Red Shirts: The Next Generation

    | CA, USA | Siblings

    (There is a blackout at my house, and my sister needs to go into the garage to get something for her project. My sister and I are massive geeks.)

    Sister: “I need to go into garage! Who’s coming with me!”

    Me: *looks down at red shirt* “I can’t. I’ll probably die.”

    Sister: “[Younger Sister], come with me!”

    Younger Sister: *looking down at shirt* “What does purple mean?”

    Sister: “Nothing, so you probably won’t die!”

    Younger Sister: “Probably?”

    Don’t Start With Me

    | Buffalo Grove, IL, USA | Siblings

    (I have just picked up my mom’s car from the dealership where we had an automatic starter installed for her Christmas present. I then swing by to get my sister at work.)

    Me: “I got Mom’s car starter put in today.”

    Sister: “Oh, awesome! How does it work?”

    (She works at a grocery store, so we step out front into the parking lot. I hit the button on the key fob and the headlights go on as the car starts up.)

    Sister: “How cool! Now what do we do?”

    Me: “Now we wait here and the car pulls around and picks us up.”

    Sister: “REALLY?!”

    Me: No…”

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