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    The Painful Path Of Feminism

    | England, UK | Parents & Guardians

    (My mother and I are discussing feminism in a jokey way.)

    Me: “Woo, feminism!”

    Mum: “Protest inequality! Burn the bras!”

    Me: *meaning that not wearing a bra is painful after a while* “No, that would hurt.”

    Mum: “No, no, no. You take the bra OFF first, doofus.”

    Potential Insults Are Relative

    | Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (My mother worked retail for many years and was taking an order for a customer.)

    Mother: “Can I have your last name please.”

    Customer: “It’s Dick.”

    Mother: *looks up* “And you look like one, too.”

    Customer: *splutters* “Excuse me! What did you just say?”

    Mother: *dawns on her what it just sounded like* “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that you look like my cousin [Full Name].”

    Customer: “I am [Full Name].”

    (Neither of them had seen each other for years!)

    Rabid About Rabbits

    | Bee Cave, TX, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (For my whole life I have had an obsession with rabbits, and my whole family knows it. It was so bad when I was little my Mom couldn’t take me shopping around Easter because I would cry and throw a fit. I have been married for a couple years and am spending the afternoon with my Mom. We have just walked into the store and it is early March.)

    Me: “Wow. You know, Mom, it’s getting to be that time of year. You could—”

    Mom: *interrupting me* “No, they don’t want to all come home with you. Don’t even think about it.”

    The Bitter Taste Of Hypocrisy

    | USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins

    (I’m visiting my aunt and eight-year-old cousin for the weekend. My aunt is browsing the Internet for a new recipe.)

    Aunt: “Look, here’s an interesting type of curry. It even has coconut milk in it. I think I’ll make it tomorrow.”

    Cousin: “I don’t like coconut milk!”

    Aunt: “Well, I’m still making it and you’re going to eat it.”

    Cousin: “But—”

    Aunt: “No buts. You’re eating it.” *looks at recipe* “Oh, there’s zucchini in this. I hate zucchini! There’s no way I’m making this now.”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Aunt: “What?”

    Mother Is Parking Mad

    | New Zealand | Parents & Guardians

    (I’d just started driving to school. After class I’m giving a classmate a lift home. But when I get to my car I notice something’s not right.)

    Me: “Hmmm. My mother has been over here and moved the car.”

    Classmate: “How do you know?”

    Me: “The stick shift thingy isn’t how I left it. She must not have liked the way I parked.”

    Classmate: “So…you think your mother has come all the way over here today just to move the car a few inches? You’re weird.”

    (When I get home:)

    Me: “Did you come over and move the car today?”

    Mother: “Yes, you were parked a little crooked.”

    (My mother’s actually perfectly sane.)

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