July's Theme Of The Month: Stuck In The Car!

Mom Is Ironically Charging In

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Parents & Guardians

(My parents and I are working on fixing up my house. My father is currently working with the outdoor lighting, meaning I have had to turn off the electricity.)

Mother: *comes charging outside* “[My Name]! It’s been an hour and you still haven’t turned on the washing machine! How do you expect your clothes to get washed when you won’t even—”

Me: “But the power is off!”

Mother: “And?! You haven’t turned on the washing machine!”

Me: “Because there’s no power!”

Mother: “What does that have to do with it?”

Me: *facepalm* “Mum. The washing machine needs to be plugged in to work…”

Mother: *after a few seconds* “Ah… Yes. Right.” *pauses* “Don’t put this on Facebook!”

It Won’t Hurt You


Can’t Find Fish Nor Fowl Smell

| Grand Junction, CO, USA | Siblings

(At my youngest sister’s wedding reception at my dad’s Elks’ lodge, my two older brothers get ahold of my sister’s and new brother-in-law’s car keys to their sports car. We then head out to the parking lot to decorate it. My younger brother and I get out the cans on strings and shaving cream. But my oldest brother gets an evil look on his face as he pulls out a cellophane-wrapped fillet of fish from the grocery, and then places it under the passenger seat. We figure that they’ll find it soon, as it’d be sure to start smelling in a day or so. About a month after their wedding, though, I’m talking to my sister on the phone.)

Sister: “For the last couple of weeks, my car has smelled awful. I can’t figure out if I stepped in something, or what could’ve happened.”

Me: “Um… did you find the salmon fillet under your passenger seat?”

Sister: *screaming after she drops the phone and runs out to her car to look* “Brothers!”

My Sister Can Be A Brain Drain

| IN, USA | Siblings

(My sister and I are driving home after seeing a concert. It’s not particularly late, but the show was loud and high-energy, so we’re both rather tired, drained, and not thinking clearly. We’re otherwise sober. I notice an elementary school’s marquee out the window.)

Me: “Huh. [Elementary School] is doing ‘Fiddler on the Roof.'”

Sister: “No, that’s the school corporation’s summer musical. High school.”

Me: “Oh! I was about to say… that’s kind of heavy stuff for a middle school to be producing.”

Sister: “That school is an elementary school.”

Me: “Gah! Music… too… loud… brain… no… work…”

(We arrive home at this point; my sister accidentally drives up onto the curb trying to park.)

Sister: “Brain… thing… contagious…”

Anniversary Controversy

| USA | Parents & Guardians

(My dad has just got home. My mom is in the laundry room.)

Dad: *shouts* “Honey, it’s our anniversary today!”

Mom: *shouts from laundry room* “Seriously? Happy Anniversary!”

(Later, I come home and I think my dad has forgotten.)

Me: “Dad, today is your anniversary.”

Dad: “I know. I already wished your mom.”

Me: “You remembered the anniversary?”

Dad: “No,. When I was coming home, [Clothing Store] messaged me a congratulations.”

Me: “You are so lucky she’s your wife.”

Might Want To Put A Stop To That

| Pepperell, MA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I am  just learning to drive and we are on a back road when…)

Mom: *screaming* “Stop!”

(Of course I slammed on the brakes and look around the empty road thinking an animal was going to run out.)

Me: “What?! I don’t see anything!”

Mom: “Oh, no. I just wanted a better look at that horse trailer. Sorry, honey.”

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