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    Failed Potty Training

    | Newark, DE, USA | Children, Grandchildren

    (I’m waiting in the queue to wash my hands in a bathroom, when a grandmother and her young granddaughter come in and the girl goes right into a stall. A moment later I hear this exchange.)

    Grandmother: “Big girls have to use the potty; they don’t have diapers. I know you can use the potty by yourself.”

    Granddaughter: *crying* “Nooooo!”

    (A moment later, as I get to the sinks, I hear them start talking again.)

    Grandmother: “Honey, are you going number one or number two?”

    Granddaughter: “SIX!”

    Best To Nip That One In The Bud

    | Gaithersburg, MD, USA | Children, Siblings

    (I am out teaching my brother how to ride a scooter. We are on our way back when he slows down and stops.)

    Brother: “My nipples hurt!”

    Me: “What? Do you even know where your nipples are?”

    Brother: *points to his lower ribs* “They’re here.”

    Me: “Those are your RIBS!”

    Brother: “But do I have nipples?”

    Me: “Uhhh… I guess… but they’re not in your ribs.”

    Brother: “But do girls have nipples?”

    Me: “Yeah, girls do have them.”

    Brother: “But not all the girls have nipples. The ones with the really long hair don’t have nipples!”

    Me: “WHAT? Where did you learn that?”

    Brother:Sesame Street!”

    Praise Be To Mii

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Parents & Guardians

    Me: “I believe the words you’re looking for are, ‘Thank you [my name] for doing such a wonderful job of putting the Wii together, and so promptly, which I failed to provide to my darling wife.’”

    Mum: “Who are you talking to?”

    Me: “Myself.”

    Mum: “Right-o.”

    Me: “I’m just practicing for when [Stepdad] fails to thank me for putting the Wii up.”

    September Themed Story Giveaway: Babies & Toddlers!

    | Not Always Related | Announcements, Children, Themed Giveaway
    Want to win A Not Always Related t-shirt?
    Enter September’s Themed Story Giveaway: Babies & Toddlers!

    Entering is as easy as 1-2-3:

    1. Submit a funny or interesting story about babies & toddlers.
    2. Enter your email address in the form to qualify.
    3. All posted stories will be entered in a drawing to win a free t-shirt gift certificate, to use in the official Not Always Related shop!

    PS: Congratulations to a lucky reader for winning August’s Themed Story Giveaway, which featured stories about Pets & Animals. The winning submission: Ponies Are Scary, And That Is Straight From The Horse’s Mouth (582 thumbs up).

    PS #2: winners will be announced the first Wednesday of every month. Next free t-shirt gift certificate: Wednesday, October 2!

    Asking With Puppy Dog Eyes

    | AL, USA | Children, Pets & Animals, Themed Giveaway

    (Our 15-year-old cat has wandered off and hasn’t been seen in two weeks. We are worried about her, but we have to accept that she’s probably not coming back. I’m staring out the backdoor, when my four-year-old daughter comes up to me.)

    Daughter: “Mom, are you thinking about Meeske?”

    Me: “Yes, I miss her a lot.”

    Daughter: “You can stop missing her; she’s probably dead anyway. So, now that she’s dead and gone, can I please have a puppy?”


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