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    Minimum Age Is Past The Desired Maximum

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings, Sons & Daughters, Theme Of The Month

    (My father and I come home from a concert, which was my 21st birthday present. At the concert, two guys behind me had gotten into a fight. We are telling my mom about it.)

    Mom: “What was their problem, anyway?”

    Me: “I think the one guy was kind of plastered. The other guy asked him to stop talking and the first guy punched him, and it went from there. Security broke it up pretty quick, though.”

    Mom: “Someone was drunk at a [Artist] concert?”

    Me: “Half the audience was drunk. Most of them were just shouting out song titles and waving their arms in the air instead of picking fights.”

    Mom: “[Artist] just doesn’t seem like the kind of guy whose concerts would be filled with drunks.”

    Me: “It was at a stage in a winery, Mom. What did you expect?”

    Mom: “Oh, it was? I didn’t realize. Wait, how did you get into a winery?”

    Me: “Oh, there was no age minimum, and I wasn’t drinking.”

    (My brother, who has been listening, finally joins the conversation.)

    Brother: “It wouldn’t have mattered anyway, [My Name]. You’re 21. Remember?”

    Me: “Oh, yeah, right. Guess it hasn’t sunk in yet.”

    Brother: “The fact that you turned 21 is the reason you were there in the first place!”

    Me: “Yes, well…”

    I Should Be So Loki

    | CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (A commercial for ‘Muppets Most Wanted’ is on. It should also be noted that I have a friend who has done some small parts on TV shows and a couple voice overs in a movie or two.)

    Me: “I am going to see that just because Tom Hiddleston has a cameo in that. Of course, those movies usually have a lot of good cameos…”

    Dad: “Who is that? Your friend?”

    Me: “No, I wish he was my friend!” *pause* “Actually, I wish he was my special friend.”

    Not A Slave To Their Family

    | USA | Siblings

    (My younger sister and I are watching my dad play a video game called ‘Far Cry 3.’ The main character expresses surprise at the possibility of having to shoot someone because he’s never fired a gun before.)

    Me: “So? They abducted your friends and siblings and sold them into slavery! You better believe if someone abducted my siblings I’d start shooting people!”

    Sister: *in utter surprise* “Really?”

    Me: “Of course! You’re my little sister! I’d go all ‘Liam Neeson in Taken‘ on someone if they tried to take you from me!”

    Dad: *to sister* “What would you do if someone abducted her or [Other Sister]?”

    Sister: “Sell all their stuff and move into their room. Why?”

    Just Soldiered On Through That Little Lie

    | UK | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I met my husband when we were both in our mid-20s and he was in the military, living in an all-male dormitory. Fast forward 10 years, and I’m chatting with my mother about when I used to go visit him.)

    Me: “… and the bed was so small we could barely fit.”

    Mother: “But, you used to sleep in the visitors room. Didn’t you?”

    Me: “What?”

    Mother: “When you visited, you told me he stayed in his room and you slept in a room set aside especially for visitors.”

    Me: “And you BELIEVED me?”

    A Sudden Gear-Shift In Perception

    | Halifax, NS, Canada | Parents & Guardians, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s my first Christmas after I went away to university, and I’m home to visit over the break. My family has been at my grandparents’ house for a get together, and my mom asks if I would drive home so she could have a few glasses of wine. We’re almost all the way home, after chatting the whole drive, when she looks at me.)

    Mom: “You know, I don’t get nervous at all any more when you drive. It’s almost like you’re a real person!”


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