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    The Birth Of Genres

    | TX, USA | Siblings

    (My older sister and I are watching a popular movie about an archaeologist on a channel that specializes in sci-fi movies and shows. We are close and constantly tease each other.)

    Me: “I’m not entirely sure this counts as science fiction.”

    Sister: “Your birth was science fiction.”

    Me: “At least it wasn’t horror, like yours.”

    Scheduling To Have Your Lungs Removed

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m waiting at the doctors’ with my mother. She has an appointment to get a prescription. She has been staring intently at a wall covered in health posters for a good fifteen minutes when she leans over to me and says the following.)

    Mum: “What kind of surgery do you think it is?”

    Me: “What are you talking about?”

    Mum: “Look at the poster. It says ‘this surgery supports quitting smoking; talk to your doctor today.’ What kind of surgery is it?”

    (I look at her and then at the poster and then back to her. I struggle to contain laughter.)

    Me: “Surgery means doctor’s office, GP clinic. You know, the place we are right now. With the large sign ‘SURGERY’ out the front!”

    Mum: “I thought it might be some kind of implant, like the birth-control one…”

    Putting The Hard Into Richard

    | Robeline, LA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My sister and I are discussing nicknames.)

    Me: “How do you get Bill or Billy from William?”

    Sister: “I don’t know.” *shrugs* “And how do you get Rick out of Richard?”

    Dad: “How do you get Dick out of Richard?”

    Me: *deadpan* “You ask him nicely.”

    (My sister doubles over laughing and I grin at our dad who is shaking his head.)

    Me: “C’mon, you walked right into that one!”

    An Understanding Dysfunction

    | Washington, DC, USA | Children, Cousins, Theme Of The Month

    (I am babysitting my two young cousins. We are watching TV  when a commercial for an erectile dysfunction drug comes on.)

    Commercial: “Do you want enhanced performance?”

    Cousin #1: “YES!”

    Commercial: “Do you want improved libido?”

    Cousins #1 & #2: “YES!”

    Cousin #1: “[My Name], what’s ‘libidido?’”

    Me: “It’s like energy.”

    Commercial: “If your erection lasts longer than four hours, please see a physician.”

    Cousin #2: “What’s an erection?”

    Cousin #1: “I think it’s what you get when you have ‘libidido.’”

    Cousin #2: “I’m very energetic! I have an erection!”

    Cousin #1: “I’m bigger than you, so I have more erection!”

    (I almost died laughing.)

    A Slender Chance Of Inappropriate Behavior

    | PA, USA | Siblings

    (I’m staying with my older brother for a while. At the moment, I’m cleaning the kitchen.)

    Me: *singing the ‘Slender Man’ song under breath*

    Brother: *hugs me from behind* “Roar!”

    Me: “GAAAH! NO, SLENDY, I DON’T WANNA HAVE TENTACLE SEX WITH YOU!”

    Brother: “… Do I even want to?”

    Me: “Oh! Uh… hi?”

    Brother: “I’m cutting off your Internet access.”


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