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    Some Food Only Looks Good On Paper

    | Robeline, LA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m eating a peanut butter sandwich which I’m holding in a paper towel. My mom walks into the living room and stares at me a minute.)

    Mom: “[My Name], what are you eating?”

    Me: “A peanut butter sandwich.”

    Mom: “Oh! I didn’t see the sandwich.”

    Me: “Wait, so you thought I was eating a paper towel?”

    Mom: “I couldn’t see the sandwich!”

    (I stuff the last of my sandwich into my mouth then proceed to start shredding the paper towel using my teeth.)

    Me: “Omnomnom! Paper is tasty!”

    Mom: “Shut up.”

    Growing Into Mowing

    | UK | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My dad and I are sitting in the yard and we can hear the next door neighbor mowing. I am about two years old.)

    Me: *turns to dad* “Shouldn’t you be doing that?”

    Disappointment Appointment

    | Lincolnshire, England, UK | Friends, Parents & Guardians

    (My mother has a doctor’s appointment, and after signing into the office notices one of her friends in the waiting room. She sits next to her and they chat. Half an hour later my mother’s name still hasn’t been called.)

    Mother: “My appointment was at ten, and it’s almost half past. Why are doctors always late?”

    Friend: “They have blood clinic on Thursday, so maybe that over ran.”

    Mother: “Thursday?”

    Friend: “Yeah.”

    Mother: “Not Friday?”

    Friend: “No.”

    Mother: “My appointment isn’t until tomorrow.”

    (My mother’s friend begins to laugh while my mother decides that instead of just walking out, she needs to make it look like she meant to come and sit for half an hour.)

    Mother: *really loudly, standing up* “Well, [Friend], nice talking to you! I’d better do what I came here to do and check my appointment time!”

    (She makes her way to the front desk.)

    Mother: “Hello! I just wanted to check what time my appointment was at 10 o’ clock tomorrow…”

    A Branded Method Of Child Control

    | Canada | Children, Cousins, Theme Of The Month

    (My mom is watching my cousin for a couple of days while her parents get moved in to a new place. She has proven to be a fussy eater and my mom hates waste. We also don’t have much money, which even I at age three know. Lunch time comes around and my mom pulls out a can of cheap store brand soup. My cousin immediately sets up a protest.)

    Cousin: “That’s not [Pricey Name Brand]. I only eat [Pricey Name Brand] soup!”

    (Sensing yet another meal time struggle, my mom thinks of something.)

    My Mom: “This is so [Pricey Name Brand]! ”

    Cousin: “It doesn’t look like [Pricey Name Brand].”

    My Mom: “That’s because it’s made just for children. See? Right there on the label. It says [Pricey Name Brand] for KIDS.”

    (Since my cousin is four, she can’t read, so she settles down and eats her [Store Brand] soup with no further squawking.)

    A Listless Excuse

    | The Netherlands | Siblings

    (For my birthday, I have made a rather long list of things I want on an online store website and sent it to my family. My sister gives me my present, but it is a random book not on the list.)

    Me: “Why didn’t you pick something from the list?”

    Sister: “There were so many things on it. I didn’t know which one you wanted…”

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