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    The Future Of Back To The Future

    | Ireland | Aunts & Uncles, Grandparents

    (I’m at my fiancé’s grandfather’s house, along with my fiancé and his aunt.)

    Aunt: “Well, let’s hope 2015 goes even better than 2014!”

    Me: *joking* “We’ll have hoverboards anyway.”

    Aunt: “What are those?”

    Me: “Oh, you know, from Back to the Future.”

    Aunt & Granddad: *blank looks*

    Me: “The film, Back to the Future.”

    Aunt: “Oh, is that a new film coming out next year?”

    Me: “…yes. Yes, it is.”

    (My fiancé turned his face away from them to hide how much he was laughing.)

    My Family Has Got Seoul

    | CT, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom and I are driving home from visiting my paternal cousins. I’m somewhere around seven at the time.)

    Mom: “Well your cousins were adopted just before you were born so…”

    Me: *in complete, sincere shock* “They’re ADOPTED!?”

    Mom: “… [My Name], they’re KOREAN.”

    (My family is very, very white. To this day my mom insists that it was just cute that I never thought anything of it.)

    Pies And Sisters And Soccer, Oh My

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (Usually, on Friday and Saturday nights, my parents fall asleep on the couch until I decide to go to bed and wake them up.)

    Me: *shakes mum* “Goodnight, I’m going to bed now.”

    Mum: “Do you… want… a pie?”

    Me: “No, I’m going to bed.”

    Mum: “But you put an order through.”

    Me: “I’m going to bed.”

    Mum: “Have a pie… eat your order.”

    Me: “I’m not hungry for orders.”

    Mum: “What week is it? Have you eaten your order?”

    Me: “What are you talking about?”

    Mum: “Hurry up and eat the order…. You’re going to be late for school!”

    Me: “Mum, it’s almost midnight! School isn’t for two more days!”

    Mum: “Midnight! Why d… didnt you fall… wake?” *snores*

    Me: “Mum, wake up. I’m going to bed now.”

    Mum: “You have… soccer tomorrow… Go to break… fast.”

    Me: “I don’t play soccer.”

    Mum: “Wake your sister up!”

    Me: “I don’t have a sister…”

    Me: *turns TV on and turns up volume*

    Mum: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Go to bed! What time is it? Why didn’t you wake me up?”

    Me: “I’m not hungry for orders. And I don’t play soccer or have a sister. Mum? Are you leading a double life?”

    Mum: “What?”

    The Mother Of All Shocks

    | South Africa | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My mom sometimes babysits a six-year-old and today he notices the gold cross she sometimes wears.)

    Boy: “Why are you wearing that?”

    Mom: “Because it’s very important to me and was given to me by my mother.”

    Boy: *in utter shock* “You have a mommy?!”

     

     

    I Swear I Heard Whispering

    | USA | Cousins, Grandparents

    (We have family visiting for the holidays, so my cousin and I have taken refuge in my room to play video games. There’s no noise rule in our house as long as it’s not an unreasonable hour, so we have the TV up pretty loud. My grandmother walks in to talk to us right as we get into an unpausable, unskippable cutscene with a character whose vocabulary consists mostly of swear words. My cousin is frantically trying to mute or turn off the TV before my grandmother gets offended, but she’s standing directly in front of the TV and blocking the signal.)

    Grandma: “So I’d just like to tell you girls that you were both a little too loud last night. I could hear you both whispering all the way down the hall. I would appreciate it if you both would be a little quieter tonight while people are trying to sleep.”

    Me: *cringing from the language coming from the speakers* “Okay, Grandma…”

    (She finally notices my cousin frantically hitting the mute button on the TV remote and looks at the TV.)

    Grandma: “Oh… were you both watching a movie?”

    Cousin: “Yeah, we’re playing a video game…”

    Grandma: “Oh. I didn’t even hear it. Sorry to interrupt. Well, go back to your game now.”

    Cousin: “Did she just seriously complain that she can hear us whispering from down the hall and then not hear the cluster F-bombs blaring from the speaker right behind her?”

    Me: “Yep. This is going on the Internet…”

    When Dark Cherry Goes Very Dark

    | AB, Canada | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (We had just bought a bunch of single serving yoghurts of different flavours, getting four of each flavour, meaning each one of us would get one of each flavour. I’m not a big fan of blueberry.)

    Me: *to wife and son* “Anyone want an extra blueberry in exchange for another flavour?”

    Son: “No.”

    Wife: “No.”

    (I go see my 13-year-old daughter in another room in the house.)

    Me: “Would you like an extra blueberry in exchange for another flavor?”

    Daughter: “Okay, you can have the dark cherry one.”

    (I return to my wife.)

    Me: “Okay, it’s agreed, [Daughter]’s cherry is mine.”

    (Both my wife and I realized what I had said, and were mortified.)

    Son: “What’s wrong? What did you say?”

    Wife & Me: “NEVER MIND!”


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