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    The Genesis Of Sibling Rivalry

    | Queens, NY, USA | Siblings

    (I would regularly tease my sister when we were kids.)

    Me: “First there was [My Name], and God saw that it was good. So then there was [Brother], and God saw that it was good. So then there was [Sister].”

    (And I’d just stop there.)

    A Motherlode Of Forgetfulness

    | Singapore | Parents & Guardians

    (My mother’s laptop broke down. Now, she uses her iPhone to surf the net. However, she hasn’t been checking her email until one day when she has to email someone.)

    Mum: “[My Name], can you help me email my friend?”

    Me: “Sure. Pass me the phone.”

    (I go to the app, but due to a long time of not being signed in, the account gets logged out.)

    Me: “What’s your password?”

    Mum: “I don’t know. Maybe [password].”

    Me: “Nope, that’s not it.”

    Mum: “Maybe [other password]?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Mum: “Maybe it has a capital letter in front.”

    Me: “Nope.”

    (I click on the ‘forgot password’ option. The system then brings me to the secret question.)

    Me: “Okay, what is your favourite food?”

    Mum: “[Favourite food].”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Mum: “[Other favourite food].”

    Me: “Nope. If you can’t remember, and I try the third time and it is wrong, you’re going to get locked out of your email forever. How can you forget your secret question? It’s a backup in case you forget your password!”

    Mum: “I never had to remember my password because I don’t log out. I thought the secret question is stupid, so I just wrote something in! How am I supposed to know that I have to remember that?!”

    It Is No Laughing Matter

    | USA | Children, Siblings

    (My younger brother, who’s six, and I are playing a game on the computer together. There’s this weird character in the game that has a loud laugh that annoys my brother.)

    Weird Character: *hacking, coughing laugh*

    Brother: “Argh!” *mutes sound*

    Me: “Hey!”

    Brother: “I don’t wanna hear that annoying laugh! Why’d you pick him?”

    Me: “Just ignore it; I want to hear the other characters voices.” *turns up volume again*

    Weird Character: *laughs again*

    Brother: “That’s it, I’m gonna go do homework!”

    (I shrug and continue playing. My mom comes in a while later.)

    Mom: “Why is your brother angrily muttering ‘I hate laughter’ while doing his homework?!”

    You Reap What You Sew

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Siblings

    (My sister has asked me to make some school uniforms for her kids, I agree and she tells me she will bring the fabric over. Two months later, the day before school starts, I am trying to get my daughter’s uniform finished in time for her first day of school. My sister turns up with a huge bag of fabric.)

    Sister: “Here’s the fabric to make the uniforms.”

    Me: “Okay, when do you need them for?”

    Sister: “Tomorrow.”

    Me: “What? You have to be kidding.”

    Sister: “No.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry but I can’t.”

    Sister:  ”You said you would.”

    Me: “Yes, two months ago, when I had the time. I have no time right now. I am making [Daughter]’s uniform.”

    Sister: “It’s not my fault. The fabric was on layby. I just picked it up.”

    Me: “Well, yes. That is your fault.  I can’t just whip up three extra uniforms in one night.”

    Sister: “It is your fault. If you hadn’t learned to sew then I wouldn’t expect you to make the uniforms!”

    My Father The Monster

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I check my phone and see that I missed a call from my dad. Since it’s unusual for him to call me, I call him back immediately to make sure everything is okay.)

    Me: “You called?”




    Me: *silence*


    Me: “Is this why you called me?”

    Dad:Godzilla! May 16th!”

    Me: “You want me to go see Godzilla with you on May 16th?”

    Dad: “No. You’re not my Sci-Fi child. [Older Brother] is!

    Me: “I’ll still go with you if you want.”

    Dad: “No. Godzilla!”

    Me: “Why do you keep saying Godzilla?”

    Dad: “I like to say Godzilla! Godzilla!”

    Me: “Was there a reason that you called me?”

    Dad: “To say ‘Godzilla!’ Bye now.” *hangs up*

    Fiancé: “Was that your dad?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Fiancé: “What did he want?”

    Me: “Apparently, nothing more than to just say Godzilla a lot.”

    Fiancé: *skeptical* “Why did he really call?”

    Me: “I swear to you, that’s apparently why he called. And to tell me about a movie that he doesn’t even want to see with me.”

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