(My mother has died the day before and I am still deeply in shock. My cousin’s daughter is trying to distract me with conversation, specifically about her album collection.)

Little Cousin: “So, I got a couple more CDs last night.”

Me: “Mm-hmm.”

Little Cousin: “And the new Michael Jackson.”

Me: “That’s nice, dear.”

Little Cousin: “What? Why do you say that?”

Me: “Huh? Oh, I guess it’s just a polite response.”

Older Cousin: “It means she doesn’t care about Michael Jackson. Hush, she just lost her mom!”

(The little cousin snuggles against my arm for the rest of the car ride. Later, we are at the funeral where my drama queen grandmother is making a scene about how hard it is to lose her daughter and how no one is suffering like she is. I again, am in shock.)

Grandmother: “You’re so cruel. I’m suffering!”

Me: “Oh, that’s nice, dear.”

Little Cousin: “That means shut up. She just lost her mom!”

(My mom and I go to the mall every Sunday after church. My mom has a habit of thinking that every movie on DVD is widescreen.)

Mom: *picking up DVD and handing it to me* “Can you check to see if it’s widescreen?”

(I take the DVD from my mom and see that it can be viewed in both widescreen and fullscreen.)

Me: “It’s widescreen and fullscreen.”

Mom: “Well, I don’t want both. I only want fullscreen.”

Me: “Mom, it’s both widescreen and fullscreen, so you can actually choose which version you want to watch.”

Mom: “No! I don’t want to watch either version. I only want to watch fullscreen!”

(Last year, I moved from Pennsylvania to Finland. My brother has just brought the final batch of my belongings to my mom’s house for her to ship out.)

Mom: “There’s so much here. I’m not going to be able to ship this all!”

Me: “That’s okay. Now that you have a webcam, we can just do a video call. You can show me everything left and we can decide what to mail and what to donate.”

Mom: “Oh, no! Your brother brought everything into the basement and I’m not bringing it all up here!”

Me:“…Mom, you have a laptop. Can’t you just br—”

Mom: “No! That’s absolutely insane! I’m not doing that! I’m taking the phone downstairs and that’s all!”

(Needless to say, I’m not looking forward to this!)

(Our family has just finished dinner.)

2-year-old daughter: “My tummy is full.”

Me: “So, there is no space left for desert?”

2-year-old daughter: *looking at her stomach* “My tummy is now empty.”

Entering is as easy as 1-2-3:

1. Submit a funny or interesting about the holiday season or New Year’s.
2. Enter your email address in the form to qualify.
3. All posted stories will be entered in a drawing to win a free t-shirt gift certificate, to use in the official Not Always Related shop!

PS: Congratulations to a lucky reader for winning October’s Themed Story Giveaway, which featured stories about Family Feuds & Arguments. The winning submission: A Mean-ingful Insult (392 thumbs up).

PS #2: winners will be announced the first Wednesday of every month. Next free t-shirt gift certificate: Wednesday, January 2!