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    Kosher Checks

    | OK, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (This conversation happens over IM. My parents live in the northeast of the USA. It’s worth noting that my family is Jewish, and my Dad and I have a habit of poking fun at the more ridiculous claims about the nature of Judaism.)

    Dad: “At least you’re safe down there; I’m a little worried about up here. Cops had to rescue a couple of Jews in Boston from a mob. Anti-semitism: it’s not just for Europe anymore.”

    Me: “Yeah, I know. Mostly down here when people find out I’m Jewish they just ask a lot of questions, because I’m typically the first Jewish person they’ve ever met.”

    Dad: “Do you show them your horns?”

    Me: “Of course not; the monthly check stubs from the Zionist Conspiracy Club are way more impressive.”

    Young And Free

    | OH, USA | Sons & Daughters

    (My husband and I are at a Chinese buffet with my daughter, a toddler. We notice that children under age three eat free.)

    Me: “We should come back again while [Daughter] is still free.”

    Daughter: *indignantly* “I am not free! I am two and a half!”

    Genetics


    A-cute-family

    Also Hates Dragonfruit

    | South Africa | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Siblings

    (I am with my nine-year-old sister and my boyfriend:)

    Boyfriend: *to me* “You’re an iguana!”

    Sister: “I don’t like iguanas!”

    Me: “True, you don’t like any lizards.”

    Sister: “Lizard?! I thought it was a fruit!”

    Right Fred Said

    | USA | Siblings

    (I recently told my sister about a crush I have on a guy named Frank. I’m a girl. Note that I’m a fantasy geek, while my sister loves musicals and acting.)

    Sister: “So how’s your crush doing? Fred, right?”

    Me: “Its Frank. Not a prankster wizard (Fred Weasley), or an annoying princess (Fred, aka Winifred, from the musical Once Upon a Mattress)! Though I’ll admit Fred is kinda cute.”

    Sister: “Which one, the wizard or the princess?”

    Me: “I think it’s obvious.”

    Sister: “Huh?”

    Me: “Fred Weasley… really, [Sister]?”

    A Different Snort Of Training

    | LA, USA | Nephews & Nieces

    (My mom is babysitting my five-year-old nephew. They have baked cookies. I am visiting so my mom decided to take a nap in the living room while I entertain my nephew at the kitchen table. It is around four pm.)

    Nephew: “I think I’ll have one more cookie.”

    (He reaches for the cookie, but just before his hand touches it my mom snorts in her sleep.)

    Nephew: *jerks his hand away from cookies* “Okay, I’ll wait till after supper.”

    (I started laughing so much I woke my mom, who let him have the cookie.)


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