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    Ranting Knows No Gender

    | Sheffield, England, UK | Parents & Guardians

    (My parents and I are watching a reality show. Mum makes it very clear that she hates one of the celebrity contestants whenever he’s on screen. This little exchange occurs during one bout of ranting…)

    Mum: “Do you find him attractive, as a woman?”

    Me: “I don’t know. I’ve never seen him as a woman before.”

    Imagine The Foot Chase

    | Sheffield, England, UK | Parents & Guardians

    (This exchange happens while Mum is doing the ironing and commenting on one particular item of clothing.)

    Mum: “These black socks are the bane of my life!”

    Dad: “That’s a Batman villain, isn’t it?”

    Mum: “What? Black Sock?”

    Me: “No, Bane. Although Black Sock would be a funny villain…”

    Dad: “He’d wear a sock with eyeholes in over his head.”

    Me: *mimes waving a sock* “And now, Batman, I shall kill you with my stench…”

    Dad: “He’d be the only villain Batman would have to face downwind!”

    Crunch Timeout

    | CO, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My son loves to eat the ice from his fast food cups. However, his chewing really gets on my nerves.)

    Son: *crunch, crunch*

    Me: “If I hear you crunching ice again, I’m going to grab that cup and dump the ice out the window.”

    (I don’t hear anything for another few minutes… then I hear him crunching. I immediately grab the cup and notice that it’s empty)

    Son: *starts laughing*

    Quails Quake At The Question

    | NC, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My sister and I are playing a game where we’re trying to name animals going through the alphabet. A – Anteater B – Buffalo, etc… We’re stuck on Q.)

    Me: “Hey Mom! What’s an animal that starts with the letter Q?”

    Mom: “Koala!”

    A Knee-Jerk Reaction

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mother is in the hospital recovering from a knee replacement. I have explained to my much younger half-brother that she is in the hospital. He apparently went home and told my stepmom about it, because I got a panicked text from her the next day.)

    Step Mom: “Hey. Is your mom okay? Your brother said she’s in the hospital.”

    Me: *surprised that she’s showing concern* “Yeah, she’s fine. She just had a knee replacement. Not a big deal.”

    Step Mom: “Oh. Good. He said she had a fake leg.”


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