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    Mom Is Having A Jurassic Lark

    | NY, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I am about four years old. My parents have taken me to the Museum of Natural History. We are going through the dinosaur exhibit and I am looking over a T-Rex skull placed on the floor and held in a large glass case. I am quite intrigued, my hands pressed to the glass as I looked at the skull.)

    Mom: *leaning down behind me* “You know, you’d fit RIGHT in there.”

    (According to my mother, I got very quiet and my eyes went wide.)

    Love Has Been Thrown Off The Bus

    | CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom and I get on the city bus; we move down the aisle.)

    Mom: “Let’s sit near the doors, because when they open, I’ll throw you out.”

    (We sit down.)

    Me: “No, Momma, as soon as the doors open, I’ll throw you out. And then I’ll throw myself out, so I can land on top of you, so you can break my fall.”

    Mom: “So, you really do love me then?”

    Me: “Yes, I do.”

    Stranger: “Aww, that’s adorable.”

    Will Scream Murder At You Later

    , | CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom, my grandmother, and I are at [Home Improvement Store]. We are looking at these shish-ka-bobs things that would allow you to cook the stuff on the grill, and a thing to push down to get the food off, without burning yourself.)

    Worker: *walking by* “Are you ladies finding everything all right?”

    Me: “Yeah, we’re just looking for things to murder each other with.”

    Mom: *shouts my name*

    Worker: *smiles and walks away laughing*

    Raised With Love(craft)

    | CA, USA | Children, Friends, Sons & Daughters

    (My son is three years old and when I ask if he can say something new, he always gives it a try even if he mangles it horribly. Some friends are over playing the game ‘King of Tokyo’ and he is wandering around the table being his usual self.)

    Son: *points at the Kraken card* “What’s that?”

    Me: *thinking the Kraken looks a bit like Cthulhu* “That’s Cthulhu. Can you say ‘Cthulhu?'”

    Son: “Nope!” *wanders off*

    Friend: “That’s probably a good thing…”

    Fathering Warm Ideas

    | Antwerpen, Belgium | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I just informed my 12-year-old son that the father of one of his friends died.)

    Son: “Poor [Friend]. I would give her my dad in a heartbeat but I need him myself so much.”

    That Is Literally The Kicker

    | USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I have always been a very literal person, sometimes to my detriment. I am about four years old. We are visiting family and I am playing with my cousin but I keep running over to my mom to tattle. After I’d come to tell her about another small thing that made me mad, Mom finally gets frustrated and, apparently forgetting about my tendency to misunderstand and take things too literally, tells me sternly:)

    Mom: “[My Name], I don’t care if [Cousin] kicks you in the head! I don’t want you tattling again!”

    Me: *returning to my cousin* “My mom said you could kick me in the head!”

    (Thankfully she didn’t, but my family has never let me live that one down, even twenty years later!)

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