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    An Understanding Dysfunction

    | Washington, DC, USA | Children, Cousins, Theme Of The Month

    (I am babysitting my two young cousins. We are watching TV  when a commercial for an erectile dysfunction drug comes on.)

    Commercial: “Do you want enhanced performance?”

    Cousin #1: “YES!”

    Commercial: “Do you want improved libido?”

    Cousins #1 & #2: “YES!”

    Cousin #1: “[My Name], what’s ‘libidido?’”

    Me: “It’s like energy.”

    Commercial: “If your erection lasts longer than four hours, please see a physician.”

    Cousin #2: “What’s an erection?”

    Cousin #1: “I think it’s what you get when you have ‘libidido.’”

    Cousin #2: “I’m very energetic! I have an erection!”

    Cousin #1: “I’m bigger than you, so I have more erection!”

    (I almost died laughing.)

    A Slender Chance Of Inappropriate Behavior

    | PA, USA | Siblings

    (I’m staying with my older brother for a while. At the moment, I’m cleaning the kitchen.)

    Me: *singing the ‘Slender Man’ song under breath*

    Brother: *hugs me from behind* “Roar!”

    Me: “GAAAH! NO, SLENDY, I DON’T WANNA HAVE TENTACLE SEX WITH YOU!”

    Brother: “… Do I even want to?”

    Me: “Oh! Uh… hi?”

    Brother: “I’m cutting off your Internet access.”

    Happy Death By Chocolate

    | England, UK | Parents & Guardians

    (I have just been to the grocery store with my mother, and we have bought two rather large chocolate Easter bunnies for me and my sister.)

    Mother: “They’re massive! It’s going to take you and [Sister] weeks to eat them!”

    Me: *in a very serious tone* “Not if I have anything to do with it.”

    Top 5 Funniest Stories of May 2014

    | Not Always Related | Roundups

    May 2014 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Related’s top-rated stories last month!

    1. Some Relatives You Never See Anymore (902 thumbs up)
    2. Potential Insults Are Relative (750 thumbs up)
    3. Must Have Taken A Wrong Urn Somewhere (735 thumbs up)
    4. I Swear If You Say One More Word (565 thumbs up)
    5. A Big Baby Booboo (496 thumbs up)

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Hard Liquor Soft Drink

    | MD, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (At dinner, my dad is getting himself a drink. He mixes regular Coke and Diet Coke. I give him a look.)

    Dad: “What? It’s a Coke-tail!”


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