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    Stranger Zombies Can Be Found

    | TX, USA | Cousins

    (My cousin is going into the grocery store while I stay in the car.)

    Cousin: “I’ll leave the car running for you. If you see a stranger, bite them. Don’t let them bite you though or you’ll turn into a stranger…”

    Siblings Can Be (Bi)Polar Opposites

    | USA | Siblings

    (I am attending a nationally recognized regionals competition for a school club of which I am the president. I have a conversation with my 12-year-old brother later in the day.)

    Brother: “Why are you so down, [My Name]?”

    Me: “Ugh, because I got second… Second is the first to lose, and since it’s my last year, I was really gunning for first.”

    Brother: “Nah, it’s okay. Just shoot for the stars!” *under his breath* “You family failure…”

    Me: “Wow, thanks for the great pep talk…”

    Brother: “Okay, just shoot for the stars because you always have next month! There, you can bring home first place!” *evil voice* “And defeat them all… Yes, yes. Bring them all down to their knees…”

    Me: “Uh… okay. Thanks?” *starts leaving room*

    Brother: “Yup! No problem! You’ll definitely win at state!” *quietly* “You loser…”

    More Likely To Cry In One’s Beer

    | Everett, WA, USA | Children, Siblings

    (My step-sister has just had her first child, and is showing him off to us and her brother.)

    Step-Brother: *to baby* “More beer. More beer.”

    Me: “[Step-brother], what are you doing?”

    Step-Brother: “I’m trying to get it so that his first words are ‘more beer.’”

    A Sim(ple) View Of The World

    | Franche-comté, France | Children, Cousins, Nephews & Nieces, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m on holiday with my second cousin and his nephew, who is eight-years-old. His nephew and I are in front of a good chimney fire.)

    Me: “I can see me being here with my crush.”

    Cousin’s Nephew: “And you will make love!”

    Me: *a little shocked* “There is not only that. There is hugging, kissing…”

    Cousin’s Nephew: “I know love! I’m playing Sims!”

    A Mother’s Criticism Can Be Tough To Swallow

    | Yorkshire, England, UK | Parents & Guardians

    (My sister-in-law is in a chef competition through her work. She has invited me and her brother, sister and brother-in-law, and her mother to her house to taste test a meal she is entering the competition with. The starter is fish, wrapped in ham, with lemon-pickled shallots, a pretty garnish, and a wedge of lemon to squeeze on the fish if desired. It looks great and we are all tucking in.)

    Mother: “I’m not sure about this, love. The lemon is really overpowering.”

    (Everyone is a little confused by this. The pickled shallots are somewhat lemony, but the flavour goes really well with the fish. We all continue to eat. Shortly…)

    Mother: *to me* “Is that a lemon wedge on your plate?”

    Me: “Yes. Didn’t you get one?”

    (Mother looks perplexed for a moment, then…)

    Mother: “Uh, before… I think I ate the lemon wedge.”


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