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    Will Have To Take It As Read

    | USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My four year old comes home from preschool with a crayon drawing he has made. He proudly hands it to me.)

    Son: “It’s for you, mama!”

    Me: “Wow, thank you! I love it. Oh, and I see you have some words on here. What do they say?”

    Son: “I don’t know. I can’t read.”

    Going Out On A Limb For A Punch-line

    | NY, USA | Siblings

    (Two of my brothers are in a car accident. It leaves one with just a broken leg, but the other’s right forearm is crushed, forcing them to amputate it at the elbow. He’s been out of surgery for a few hours and we are all very anxious to see him. Finally, we are told that he is awake and we can go into his room for a few minutes. I’m a little nervous to see him in such a helpless state, because he’s normally a very upbeat and energetic person.)

    Me: “Hey…”

    Brother: “Hi, guys.”

    Sister-In-Law: “How do you feel?”

    Brother: “Not very good. They cut off my arm, so that sucks.”

    Me: “Yeah. I’m sorry, dude.”

    Brother: “But on the OTHER HAND…”

    (He waves his left hand at us, grinning. Our sister-in-law starts crying and laughing at the same time and has to sit down. My brother has since made a full recovery, and never misses the chance to make an arm pun.)

    A True Hell’s Kitchen

    | Estonia | Grandparents, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m at my grandparents’. For some reason, what’s on TV doesn’t match with what TV guide says.)

    Grandmother: “I don’t get it. This is supposed to be Top Chef, but they’re showing dead bodies.”

    Grandfather: “Maybe that’s today’s cooking challenge.”

    Went Off-Road With That One

    | MI, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I am on the phone with my dad.)

    Me: “Where are you?”

    Dad: “In the car.”

    Me: “Where’s the car?”

    Dad: “On the road.”

    Me: “Where’s the road?”

    Dad: “[Our City].”

    Me: “Where’s [Our City]?… Wait, what?!”

    The Times Are A-Changing

    | New Zealand | Parents & Guardians

    (While attending a funeral, I am staying at my parent’s place, since I work and study a couple of hours away. Late one night, a couple of days after the service, I stay up a bit later than I’d intended catching up with my aunt, and wasn’t able to finish packing my bag. We, meaning my mum and I, are supposed to drive back to the city the next morning. So in order to have enough time to finish packing, I set my alarm for 7 am. We had to leave by 8 am. The next morning….)

    Me: *asleep*

    Mum: *roars up the stairs to my room* “[My Name]! Get up! We leave in 15 minutes!”

    Me: *jerks awake* “Wha, who, huh?”

    (Still half asleep, very confused, I check my phone. It reads 7:45, meaning I’d slept through my alarm.)

    Me: “F***!”

    (I scramble out of bed, tripping and almost face-planting on the floor in the process, and get dressed and re-pack my bag in record time, as my mum is not known for her patience. Hauling my heavy bag down the stairs, I race into the kitchen, to find my aunt and my mum sitting at the kitchen table, quite relaxed, drinking coffee.)

    Me: *blinks and frowns*

    (Feeling a bit confused, I look up at the kitchen clock. It reads 7:15 am. I check my phone again. It too says 7:15.)

    Me: “Hey, mum, you said I had 15 minutes, but its only quarter past seven.”

    Mum: *very smug* “I know.”

    (As my aunt begins to laugh, all I can do is stare in disbelief.)

    Me: “Well played, mother. Well played.”


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