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    The Puzzle Left Her All Washed Out

    | England, UK | Parents & Guardians

    (After dinner, my parents like to challenge each other to do puzzles. My dad has finished one and is sat doing nothing while my mum is still working on it.)

    Mum: *to Dad* “You know, if you want to you could go and load the dishwasher.”

    (My dad starts to move.)

    Mum: “Or even if you don’t want to, you could go and load the dishwasher.”

    Me: *to my dad* “I think she might want you to load the dishwasher.”

    Dad: “Whatever gave you that idea?!”

    Me: “I have no idea!”

    This Holiday Has Gone Cold Turkey

    | Palo Alto, CA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My brother is born on Thanksgiving morning. My dad brings me and my-three year-old sister to the hospital to meet our new brother.)

    Sister: *bursts into the hospital room and spots my mom, in the hospital bed, holding my brother*

    Mom: “Hi, honey. This is—”

    Sister: “Mooooom! When are you gonna make the turkey?”

    Can Reproduce The Words

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My 12-year-old son is studying the reproductive systems, but he refuses to repeat some of the words, insisting they’re ‘inappropriate.’ The previous night I repeated them, to his giggling mortification, in hopes he’d get used to them. He comes up to me after school the next day.)

    Son: “Mom! Mom! Guess what!”

    Me: “What?”

    Son: “Sex and penis!”

    Me: “Good job! Fist-bump!”

    Doesn’t Stand The Test Of Time

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Siblings, Spouses & Partners

    (This happens randomly over dinner.)

    Fiancé: “What do we want? Time travel! When do we want it?”

    Fiancé & Me: *in unison* “IT’S IRRELEVANT!”

    Fiancé’s Sister: “What is that from?”

    Me: “The internet.”

    Coming To Illogical Conclusions

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (I’m a total geek, unlike the rest of my family. We’re watching the Olympics when a commercial comes on featuring characters from ‘Star Trek.’)

    Me: *very excited* “Look! It’s Spock!”

    Sister: “Who’s Spock?!”

    Mom: “He looks really weird.”

    Me: “How can you possibly not know who Spock is?! For your information, he’s half human, half Vulcan. He often doesn’t acknowledge his human side as he sees that as a weakness. Furthermore, he may look weird, but he’s awesome!”

    Mom: *completely serious* “What’s a Vulcan? And why does he have those pointy ears? He looks like an elf.”

    Me: “A Vulcan is a type of alien that is extremely logical. And come to think of it, Elves and Vulcans are a lot alike. They are both superior races that are generally unemotional and of a very high intelligence. Also, they both have pointy ears.”

    Mom: “That’s not what an elf is!”

    Me: “I was referring to the Elves in Lord of the Rings, Mom. Not the annoying creatures that make toys! Those aren’t REAL Elves.” *noticing something on the TV* “Wait! Is that Data?!”


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