• The Lizard Is Not A-Mew-sed
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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    The Art Of Knowing Without Knowing

    | UT, USA | Siblings

    (My sister and I are talking about my husband’s current job – how he wasn’t qualified for the position, but his manager is an old friend who knew he would pick up the skills quickly. This gets us on the topic of one of her job interviews, where my sister wasn’t qualified for the job, but didn’t know until she was in the interview.)

    Me: “So, were they checking to see if you had the computer skills for the job, or to see how quickly you could pick it up?”

    Sister: “Probably both. The funny thing is that I ended up learning that stuff at my next job.”

    Me: “Oh, yeah? What did you do at that job, anyway?”

    Sister: “I don’t know.”

    A Hobbitual Hazard

    | USA | Siblings

    (I’m chatting with my younger sister late at night about some writing I’ve been working on.)

    Me: “So, I feel like this piece of realistic fiction is really challenging since I usually write fantasy. I mean, how do I make it interesting and realistic at the same time?”

    Sister: *mumbles* “Kill all the dragons.”

    Me: “Sorry, what?”

    Sister: “The dragons are evil. They have to die.”

    (I look over to notice her eyes are closed and she seems half asleep.)

    Me: *lightly shakes her shoulder* “[Sister], I think you might want to go to bed now…”

    Sister: *sits up in alarm* “WHY, ARE THERE DRAGONS?!”

    (As much as I love the fact that she dreams about dragons, I’m regretting taking her to see ‘The Hobbit’…)

    Can’t Dissuade From Being Paid

    | IN, USA | Siblings, Top

    (My brother is six years older than me, and always asks to borrow money. I answer my phone:)

    Brother: “Hey, [My Name], I’m in a really tight spot right now. Can I borrow, like, $20 until I get paid?”

    Me: *getting tired loaning him money* “Sorry, I don’t really have any money to loan right now…”

    Brother: “Well, I really need it. I’ve overdrawn my account.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have any money to loan.”

    Brother: “Oh… okay.”

    (I think that’s the end of it until I get a call in couple hours later.)

    Brother: “Hey, [My Name], I talked to mom. She said she owed you money for paying her car payment last week, so I’m going to go get that from her then pay you back when I get paid.”

    Me: “WHAT? I need that money to pay MY car payment!”

    Brother: “Oh, well, I’m already on my way to mom’s; I’ll pay you back when I get paid.” *click*

    (I called my mom and told her not to give it to him because I needed it. She told me to stop being selfish and gave him my money… He never paid me back!)

    Not Ready For The Naked Truth

    | Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (My mum and I are in the living room while my dad is in the kitchen doing the dishes. Mum and I are talking about me meeting my long-distance boyfriend, whom I have never met in-person before despite being ‘with’ him for more than a year. I’m despairing I will never meet him as it has been so long and our circumstances have never been favourable due to money or health issues.)

    Me: “Mum… how am I going to meet [Boyfriend]?”

    Mum: “You walk into the airport…”

    Me: “Yeah, but HOW?”

    Mum: “…naked.”

    Me: “…”

    Mum: “That way he knows exactly what he’s getting.”

    Dad: *from kitchen* “Did somebody say naked?”

    Mum: “She should walk into the airport naked to meet [Boyfriend].”

    Me: “I’m not in favour of this.”

    Dad: “Work on your abs first, [My Name].”

    The Heights Of A-mew-sment

    | Jacksonville, Fl, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mother is significantly shorter than the rest of us. Because of this she likes to yell for one of us to get her something that’s high up. We also have lots of animals in the house.)

    Mom: “Tall person!”

    Me: “Which one?”

    Mom: “Squat!” *this was the cat’s name*

    Me: “…Squat’s been dead for four years, mom.”

    Mom: “[Sister], then!”

    Me: “She moved out two years ago.”

    Mom: “…Get your butt in here and help me already.”

    (She has since then called me by the dead cat’s name many times.)

    Turning A Chore Into A Chore

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Top

    (One lazy Saturday, I decide to tackle some chores. I head downstairs that morning and work on the mountain of dishes. I take a break in the living room, and my mom appears.)

    Mom: “Who did the dishes?”

    Me: *smiling* “I did.”

    Mom: “Oh… It’s nice that you did them, but you left two pots. How come you never finish a chore?”

    Me: *not smiling anymore* “…Er, I AM going to finish, but pots are harder to clean, and someone burned something, so I was soaking them to do later.”

    Mom: *offended* “Well! I’m sooo sorry that I burned my oatmeal this morning! I guess you’re punishing me for that even though I cook for you!”

    (Despite my protests, she started washing the pots right then and there, complaining how I should just listen and do as she says without talking back. I leave the room in an angry huff, but I cool down later in the afternoon and decide to vacuum the downstairs. This time, my dad appears.)

    Dad: *looking at me in disapproval* “Uh…”

    Me: *turning off the vacuum* “What’s the problem?”

    Dad: “Can’t you do something else like put stuff away? There’s clutter all over the counters.”

    Me: *flabbergasted* “Are you serious?!”

    (I then received a lecture for not helping out around the house in the “right” way. Meanwhile, my brother spent the whole day playing video games upstairs. If only I had decided to do nothing that day like him.)

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