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    Not In The Best Position(s) To Explain

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Children, Siblings

    (We are in a bookshop. I am 12. When we are at checkout, I notice that the store has some little books at the counter. I alert my brother’s attention to one of them.)

    Brother: “Mom, what’s the ‘Kama Sutra?’”

    Mother: “Put… it… back…”

    Me: *grins evilly*

    A Little Bit Of Honesty

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Children, Nephews & Nieces, Siblings

    (My brother was outside playing football with our five-year-old nephew. He comes into the house laughing.)

    Brother: “So, [Nephew] tackled me.  He then told me, ‘I’m sorry, [Uncle]. I licked you just a little when I tackled you.’”

    Me: “Just a little?”

    Brother: “Just a little.”

    Adoption Is Relative

    | Australia | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians

    (My aunt is discussing with my father about where their family is descended from, a large city in Germany.  She had found out her husband’s family came from the same city. Both are third or fourth generation Australians.)

    Aunt: “But what if we come from the same family?”

    Dad: “Why are you worried?”

    Aunt:  ”I’m worried for my kids. What if [Uncle] and I are actually related? Our kids might have problems we don’t know about and pass it on to their kids.”

    Dad: “You have nothing to worry about”.

    Aunt:  ”Why do you say that?”

    Dad: “Your kids are adopted. They aren’t even related to each other”.

    Aunt: “Oh, that’s a relief. I forgot about that”.

    I’m Onna Gonna Tell You Once

    | USA | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (I’m lying in bed next to my husband reading something on my phone. He’s lying down to take a nap and has been asking me to cuddle him. I haven’t replied to him because I wanted to finish what I was reading, so he starts complaining to our five-year-old daughter. Note: I am trying to learn Japanese and am very fond of the culture.)

    Husband: *sad voice* “I need cuddles, [Daughter]. But momma won’t cuddle me.”

    Daughter: “Momma, cuddle Daddy!”

    Me: *giggling at what I’m reading*

    Daughter: “I know! I’ll tell her in Japanese style!”

    (She walks over to my side of the bed and climbs up, looking stern.)

    Daughter: *very obviously making up words* “Onna! Onna!” *points at her daddy* “Cuddle!”

    (I start giggling hysterically and look at my husband.)

    Me: “You know what’s funny? ‘Onna’ is actually Japanese for woman!”

    Making A Mockery Of The Language

    | Hobart, TAS, Australia | Children, Nephews & Nieces

    (We are on the way to a cocktail party with my nine-year-old niece and four-year-old son in the back seat.)

    Niece: “Can we have a cocktail at the party?”

    Wife:  ”No, sweetheart, they’re grown-up drinks. But you can have a mocktail.”

    Niece:  ”What’s that?”

    Wife:  ”That’s a blend of juices and fizzy drinks specially for kids.”

    Niece:  ”Yay!”

    Son:  ”If [Niece] is having a mocktail, then I’m having one too!”

    Niece:  ”That’s decided then: the kids get mock and the adults get cock.”

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