Featured Story:

A Cheap Shot At Dad

| USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(I am five and my sister eight. We’re watching a commercial for a car dealership.)

Commercial: “Come to [Name]’s Auto Dealership, the cheapest guy in town!”

Sister: “Nuh-uh, dad’s the cheapest guy in town, not [Name]!”

Me: “Yeah!”

Mom: *laughs her head off*

(I told my dad later about it, and he wasn’t as amused.)

And There Is No Spoon

| Ceredigion, Wales |

(We’ve been looking after my ten-year-old nephew for a couple of days. When he’s here we get him to feed our three cats. Monday morning he feeds the cats and I walk past him while he’s doing so.)

Nephew: “I am the boy who feeds cats.”

Me: “Yep.”

(I go into the bathroom.)

Nephew: “I am the boy who feeds cats. To feed the cats you must be the cats. To feed the cats you must be the cats.”

(I come out of the bathroom to find him on all fours next to the cats, pretending to eat from a bowl.)

Me: “What are you doing?”

Nephew: “To feed the cats you must be the cats…”

Finally Got It Together About A Get Together

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | In-Laws, Spouses & Partners

(My husband and I have noticed that we rarely get invites to his family get-togethers. We usually find out after the fact, when one of his step siblings rings to ask why we weren’t there.)

Husband: “[Step Mum] called today, to tell us about a party at [Sister]’s place.”

Me: “When is it?”

Husband:  “Tomorrow”

Me:  “It’s unusual for her to remember to call us.”

Husband:  “Yeah, it’s probably only because they need a lift.”

A Victim Of A Cliché

| KY, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters, Theme Of The Month

(I get home after babysitting a neighbor’s kids. I take my backpack with me to work on homework after the kids go to bed.)

Mom: “So, how did babysitting the [Neighbor]’s kids go?”

Me: “I don’t know if I want to babysit for them again.”

Mom: “Why not?”

Me: “Their dog ate my homework.”

Always The Same Old Faces

| Geneva, Switzerland | Parents & Guardians

(I connect to Facebook on my mum’s computer and forget to log out. She calls me a few hours later:)

Mum: “I tried to go onto Facebook and it was your profile instead of mine! There were all those people and topics I didn’t know anything about!”

Me: “Oops, I must’ve forgotten to log out. Do you want me to help you do it now?”

Mum: “No, it’s okay. We’ll do it some other time.”

(The next day, on the phone again.)

Mum: “I opened Facebook again and it was STILL your profile!”

(Well, duh!)

The Dominant Education

| NJ, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Children, Cousins

(I am out to dinner with my family to celebrate my oldest cousin moving into a new apartment with her boyfriend. I have recently been tutoring my younger cousin in biology.)

Younger Cousin: “Hey, [My Name], you have attached earlobes! That means that you have two recessive alleles, right?”

Me: “Yeah, that’s right!”

Younger Cousin: “Well, dad and I have unattached earlobes, and that means we have the dominant allele, right?”

Me: “Yup.”

Younger Cousin: “And my mom has unattached earlobes, too! We’re all dominant!”

Me: “Actually, I think your mom has attached earlobes. Take a closer look.”

Older Cousin’s Boyfriend: “Well, dominant traits are always shown, and recessive traits are hidden, so you have to have two copies of the recessive gene to have a recessive trait.”

Me:  “Right…”

(Older cousin’s boyfriend continues to try to explain genetics to me as our family watches in silence, holding back snickers until finally my cousin says something.)

Older Cousin: “You do know that this is what she is getting her Ph.D. in, right?”

Older Cousin’s Boyfriend: *to me* “Why didn’t you say anything?!”

Me: “Well, you didn’t say anything technically wrong…”


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