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    Have To Hand It To Her Willpower

    | MA, USA | Children, Cousins

    (When my cousin had her second child, her first, a girl, was about four years old. The girl was told that whenever she was in the baby’s room, she always had to keep her hands behind her. She did obey. One day, the girl entered the room while my cousin was there. She had her hands behind her, as required. But this time, my cousin heard her say under her breath:)

    Cousin’s Daughter:  ”Mustn’t hit the baby… Mustn’t hit the baby…”

    Pregnancy Gives You Weird Eating Habits

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I am trying to explain to my young son that I am pregnant.)

    Me: “Sweetie, there is a baby in mommy’s tummy.”

    Son: “You ate a baby?!”

    They Are Immune To The Force

    | USA | Siblings

    (I am a huge sci-fi geek, and have just gotten a new ‘Star Wars’ t-shirt with a drawing of a stormtrooper on it, and am showing it to my sisters.)

    Me: “So, what do you think?”

    Sister #1: “What’s that robot thing on the front?”

    Me: “A stormtrooper, and it is NOT a robot!”

    Sister #2: “What’s a stormtrooper?”

    Me: “They work for Darth Vader and the Emperor.”

    Sister #1: “Who’s ‘Dath Vader’?”

    Sister #2: “And who’s the Emperor?”

    Me: “You’re breaking my heart! You’re going down a path I can’t follow!”

    Sister #2: “Huh?”

    Me: “Because of what you’ve done, what you plan to do! Stop! Stop now… Come back!”

    Sisters: “What?!”

    (They’ve seen nearly all the movies!)

    Formally Pleased And Informally Insulted

    | USA | Parents & Guardians

    Mom: “Don’t you think you should be getting ready for your job interview?”

    Me: “Oh, yeah.” *look in my closet* “There’s nothing formal in here for me to wear. Can I borrow one of your blouses to wear?”

    Mom: “My blouses?”

    Me: “Yeah, your clothes are so boring. So, one of your boring blouses.”

    Mom: “Well! I don’t know whether to be insulted or pleased!”

    Lost All Reason

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Children

    (I have taken my daughter to Chicago for her sixth birthday and we visit my sister and her husband. The running joke all weekend with my brother-in-law is about the time he lost his nephew at an amusement park when he was younger. My brother-in-law also is notorious for not having patience with children. I was in a store shopping with my sister when I received a call from my daughter. Of course, my sister only heard my end of the conversation.)

    Me: “Hello.”

    Daughter: “[Uncle] is lost.’

    Me: *slightly panicked* “What do you mean, [Uncle] is lost?”

    Daughter: “[Uncle]‘s lost. You need to come get us.”

    Me: “Are you WITH [Uncle]?”

    (By now my sister is starting to panic too.)

    Daughter: “Yes, but he’s lost!”

    Me: “I don’t think [Uncle] is lost. He leads tours of the city. As long as you’re with [Uncle], you guys aren’t lost.”

    Daughter: “Yes, he is. He won’t get a cab! We’re lost. You need to come get us!”

    Me: “You don’t need to get a cab. [Uncle] isn’t lost. You two are fine. Just make sure you STAY WITH [Uncle].”

    (When my sister and I got back to their place, my brother-in-law told us that no, they were never lost. She wanted to take a cab back to the condo but he was trying to take the elevated train back. She refused to take the train and only would take a cab. He had argued with her for a bit before finally giving her his phone, saying, ‘go ahead – call your mom but we’re still NOT TAKING A CAB!’)


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