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    Doesn’t Fudge A Single Line

    | GA, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians

    (My aunt, my mom, and I are heading home from work, when my aunt decided she needs to deposit a check at her bank. The bank in question has a drive-thru with those messenger tubes. As my aunt sends her check up the tube, my mom, who is an avid Willy Wonka fan, speaks up.)

    Mom: “Augustus, come back!”

    (My aunt and I are staring at her, since we both understood the reference.)

    Mom: *as Mrs. Gloop* “He’s gone! He’ll be made into marshmallows in five seconds.”

    Mom: *as Willy Wonka* “Impossible, my dear lady! That’s absurd! Unthinkable!”

    Mom: *as Mrs. Gloop* “Why?”

    Mom: *as Wonka* “Because that pipe doesn’t go to the marshmallow room, it goes to the fudge room!”

    Mom: *as Mrs. Gloop* “You terrible man!”

    Mom: *as Wonka* “Take Mrs. Gloop straight to the fudge room, but look sharp, or her little boys is liable to get poured into the boiler.”

    Mom: *as Mrs. Gloop* “You boiled him up, I know it.”

    Aunt: “So, do you think she watches that movie too often?”

    Daddy Is Number One

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I take my 3-year-old son to the urinal in a restaurant bathroom. He’s a little short, so I hold him up to it. He’s obsessed with Toy Story.)

    Son: *to the reflection in the urinal* “Hi! I’m [full name]. My dad is a boy and a grown up. Mommy is a grown up. Jessie is a toy. And my dada is to love me always!”

    Loathe Of Bread

    | NJ, USA | Children, In-Laws, Sons & Daughters, Top

    (I am at my brother’s house. My son is diabetic, so I have to watch his carb intake. He is four years old.)

    Brother’s wife: *to my son* “Do you want a sandwich?”

    Son: “Bread?”

    Brother’s wife: “Of course with bread!”

    Son: “Too many cabbies in bread. Bread is the root of all evil!”

    Brother’s wife: “So, no sandwich?”


    Making A Groan Call

    | NY, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (My dad receives a phone call.)

    Dad: *to phone* “…No, that’s alright. Bye.”

    Me: “Who was that?”

    Dad: “Some guy named Ron. He had the wrong number.”

    Me: “Don’t you mean the ‘RON’ number?”

    Dad: “Ugh.”

    Alcoholic Faux Pa Pa

    | USA | Parents & Guardians

    (A family comes in to celebrate their son’s 21st birthday.)

    Dad: *loudly and proudly* “Since this is your first time, you’re definitely not getting drunk. Not on my watch…”

    (A while later, guess what I see? Mom and the son hauling out the clearly drunk dad!)

    October Top Story Roundup

    Not Always Related | Roundups

    October Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Related’s top-rated stories for the month of October!

    1. If At First You Don’t Succeed, Cry Again (648 thumbs up)
      Wanna teach your 3 year old to temper their tantrum? Just have mommy throw a fit!
    2. Disappeared Like Magic (579 thumbs up)
      Using Harry Potter to get out of doing chores is nothing short of magical.
    3. As Parented On TV (557 thumbs up)
      Proof that kids do learn from their parents–however brief the lesson may be!
    4. That’s What Makes Dad Dutiful (552 thumbs up)
      A dad discovers from his 7-year-old son that he definitely doesn’t have that “one thing.”
    5. Tiger Tiger, Spraying Bright (543 thumbs up)
      An obnoxious uncle discovers that messing with a tiger can be a messy experience!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!