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    Archive for 2012

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    Meet The Acceptance Family

    | Montclair, NJ, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Children, LGTBQ, Nephews & Nieces, Parents & Guardians

    (I am the girlfriend of the author of the story Putting The Knee Into A Jerk on Not Always Romantic. I’m having dinner with her, her sister and her 3-year-old twin niece and nephew.)

    Niece: “Mommy, Mommy! Me and [brother] know what we want to be when we grow up!”

    Mother: “That’s nice! What do you want to be?”

    Niece and nephew: *simultaneously* “Lesbian like auntie!”

    (My girlfriend’s jaw drops in surprise, while their mom is laughing so hard, she almost falls out of her chair.)

    Related:
    Meet The Cannibal Family

    Sugar Is Needed, More Or Less

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m 4 years old, and have been watching TV. I come running into the kitchen.)

    Me: “Mummy, mummy! We need to go to the shops!”

    Mum: “Why’s that, sweetie?”

    Me: “The TV said that we need to eat ‘less sugar’. We don’t have any! Can we go and buy some ‘less sugar’, please?”

    Harry Potter And The Howling Nouns

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom doesn’t speak a lot of English, and I don’t have a very extensive Chinese vocabulary. We’re big Harry Potter fans. We’re watching a movie and one of the trailers is for ‘The Wolfman’.)

    Mom: *in Chinese* “Oh! He’s a werewolf!”

    Me: “A what?”

    Mom: *in English* “A Lupin!”

    Roller Coaster Face

    Pranksgiving

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings, Top

    (My sister is a great cook, but very ditzy. She has just put the turkey in the oven for Thanksgiving. My mother is a great prankster.)

    Mom: *to my sister* “Honey, we’re out of chicken broth. Can you run to the store and
    grab some more?”

    Sister: “Sure, mom.”

    (She leaves.)

    Mom: *opening the oven and taking the turkey out* “Open the fridge, hun.”

    Me: *opening the fridge* “Why? What are you doing?”

    Mom: “Just check the crisper drawer.”

    Me: *pulls out a Cornish game hen* “What?”

    Mom: “Here, season it.”

    (I do as she says. My mother slides it inside the turkey’s cavity, and sticks it back in the oven. I start to get a sense of what she’s doing. Later, my sister is carving the turkey before the extended family.)

    Sister: “Ohmigod!” *tugs out the Cornish game hen*

    Mom: “You’ve cooked a pregnant turkey!”

    Sister: “Ohmigod!” *bursts out sobbing*

    (It took us a half hour to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!)


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