(I am the girlfriend of the author of the story Putting The Knee Into A Jerk on Not Always Romantic. I’m having dinner with her, her sister and her 3-year-old twin niece and nephew.)

Niece: “Mommy, Mommy! Me and [brother] know what we want to be when we grow up!”

Mother: “That’s nice! What do you want to be?”

Niece and nephew: *simultaneously* “Lesbian like auntie!”

(My girlfriend’s jaw drops in surprise, while their mom is laughing so hard, she almost falls out of her chair.)

Related:
Meet The Cannibal Family

(I’m 4 years old, and have been watching TV. I come running into the kitchen.)

Me: “Mummy, mummy! We need to go to the shops!”

Mum: “Why’s that, sweetie?”

Me: “The TV said that we need to eat ‘less sugar’. We don’t have any! Can we go and buy some ‘less sugar’, please?”

(My mom doesn’t speak a lot of English, and I don’t have a very extensive Chinese vocabulary. We’re big Harry Potter fans. We’re watching a movie and one of the trailers is for ‘The Wolfman’.)

Mom: *in Chinese* “Oh! He’s a werewolf!”

Me: “A what?”

Mom: *in English* “A Lupin!”

(My sister is a great cook, but very ditzy. She has just put the turkey in the oven for Thanksgiving. My mother is a great prankster.)

Mom: *to my sister* “Honey, we’re out of chicken broth. Can you run to the store and
grab some more?”

Sister: “Sure, mom.”

(She leaves.)

Mom: *opening the oven and taking the turkey out* “Open the fridge, hun.”

Me: *opening the fridge* “Why? What are you doing?”

Mom: “Just check the crisper drawer.”

Me: *pulls out a Cornish game hen* “What?”

Mom: “Here, season it.”

(I do as she says. My mother slides it inside the turkey’s cavity, and sticks it back in the oven. I start to get a sense of what she’s doing. Later, my sister is carving the turkey before the extended family.)

Sister: “Ohmigod!” *tugs out the Cornish game hen*

Mom: “You’ve cooked a pregnant turkey!”

Sister: “Ohmigod!” *bursts out sobbing*

(It took us a half hour to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!)