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    Children Listening Is A Bit Hit And Miss

    | Portland, OR, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Siblings, Sons & Daughters

    (The children are hanging out in front of the TV.)

    Mom: “Don’t hit your brother.”

    Daughter: “But, dad told me to!”

    Mom: “And you listened?”

    Daughter: “Um, yeah! It was a chance to hit my brother!”

    Quiet In A Flash

    | Kidderminster, England, UK | Children, Grandparents, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters, Top

    (I overhear a conversation. A little girl is stomping around, singing and yelling noisily in the changing rooms at a large clothing store.)

    Mother: *from inside cubicle* “Shhh, sweetheart, shhh. Be a good girl.”

    (The little girl continues stomping around, singing and yelling noisily, completely ignoring her mother.)

    Grandmother: *from inside her cubicle* “Don’t talk to her in that stupid way, shout! Make her shut up.”

    Mother: “She’s alright, she’s a good girl. Shhh, sweetheart, shush now.”

    (The little girl gets noiser.)

    Grandmother: “You’re a bit silly sometimes, love. I’ll sort her out. Gemma, come here a minute, come and see nanny.”

    Little Girl: “What, nanny?”

    (The grandmothers cubicle door opens. The little girl screams.)

    Little Girl: “Mommy, nanny flashed me!”

    Mother: “Mom! That’s not the way we handle these things!”

    Grandmother: “Gemma, be quiet or I’ll do it again, alright?”

    (The little girl is freaked out and stays silent.)

    Grandmother: *villainous laugh*

    Desperate Housewives: The Next Generation

    | OK, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I overhear a conversation between a mother and her five year old daughter. She piles over $100 in merchandise on the counter and keeps going back for more.)

    Mother: “Sweetie, what do we do when daddy makes mommy angry?”

    Daughter: “Run his bank book dry!”

    More Telling Than Kissing

    | MD, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters, Teenagers

    (I am working in a coffee shop, a mother comes in to make an order.)

    Mother: “Yes, I would like to order one venti frappuccino. But can you pour it into two tall cups?”

    Me: “No problem, ma’am.”

    Mother: “This is for me and my daughter. We usually share our drinks.”

    Me: “Not today, though?”

    Mother: “Oh, no, never again. She is in middle school now. I don’t know who I’d be indirectly kissing.”

    Me: *chuckles* “I see.”

    Mother: “Yeah, she has been getting a lot of cold-sores lately, and I don’t need to go through that again!”

    When In Doubt, Overdo The Under

    | NJ, USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I work at a clothing store. A young girl approaches my desk.)

    Girl: “Hi, I need to, uh, return this stuff.”

    (She slides a gift bag crammed with thongs across the counter. It has thongs of every, color, shape, and size – ranging from small to extra-large.)

    Me: “Okay, this is an awful lot of underwear you, ah, need to return. Do you have a receipt?”

    Girl: “No. It was a gift. From my dad.”

    Me: “Your father bought you all of this?”

    Girl: “Sure. He didn’t know which size to get.”

    Grandma’s Secret Ingredient

    | KS, USA | Grandparents

    Mom: “So, what’s this we’re having for dinner?”

    Grandma: “It’s… marinada…. marinade… Marijuana sauce!”

    Me: “Grandma, it’s marinara sauce!”