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    Someone’s Mind Is Obviously Made Up

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (I don’t normally wear makeup. My mom is trying to convince me that I would look nice with a bit of makeup.)

    Mom: “You should get some makeup.”

    (I stick my tongue out.)

    Mom: “That’s lovely.”

    Me: “Makeup won’t fix that.”

    (My sister walks into the conversation.)

    Sister: “Makeup won’t fix what?”

    (I stick my tongue out again.)

    Sister: “What? Your face?”

    Making Mole-Hills Out Of Mosquito Bites

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My boyfriend, mom, sister and I are having dinner outside during summer.)

    Me: *scratching my chest* “Ouch! I have so many mosquito bites. One just bit my boob!”

    Sister: “What boob? You don’t have any.”

    Mom: “Hey! Maybe with that bite you can finally fill out that bra and give your boyfriend something to look at!”

    Mother Needs To Cat(ch) Up

    | Northern Germany | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

    (We’re sitting in one of the study rooms, drinking tea and watching the garden. We start discussing how to best feed the birds. Note that we own a free-range cat.)

    Sister: “We ought to put up a bird house.”

    Mother: “Too much work. Can’t we just put the seeds on the ground? It’s stone, and doesn’t get wetter than a bird house.”

    Me: “We can’t. Think of the cat!”

    Mother: “Why? The cat won’t eat the bird seed.”

    *awkward silence*

    (To her credit, my mother got it a couple of seconds later.)

    Mean Girls: The Next Generation

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (My mother is a teacher. She is substituting for the drama teacher. My worst enemy has drama first period, and then I have choir with her second period.)

    Her: *to her friend* “Man, that substitute teacher was so mean!”

    Me: *leans forward* “Oh, so you’ve met my mom?”

    (She never bothered me again.)

    Desperate Housewives: The Next Generation

    Children Listening Is A Bit Hit And Miss

    | Portland, OR, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Siblings, Sons & Daughters

    (The children are hanging out in front of the TV.)

    Mom: “Don’t hit your brother.”

    Daughter: “But, dad told me to!”

    Mom: “And you listened?”

    Daughter: “Um, yeah! It was a chance to hit my brother!”

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