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    One Mother To Rule Them All

    | Hudsonville, MI, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (We are sitting around the dinner table eating as a family.)

    Dad: *clearly thinking something* “I like…I like movies.”

    Brother: “Okay?”

    Dad: “I like movies…like Lord of the Rings.”

    Mom: “Jim…no you don’t.”

    Dad: *shrugging* “I know.”

    Might Be On A Bit Too Much Moonshine

    | Alberta, Canada | Parents & Guardians

    (My mother is asking me about a time when I went back-packing through Australia for a year.)

    Mom: “Does Australia get the moon down there?”

    Thumbing Up, Dumbing Down

    | Des Moines, IA, USA | Siblings

    (My brother and I, who are six years apart in age, are seated together on a sky-lift at an amusement park while one vacation. A couple of teenagers–boy and girl cuddling–pass us going the other way. The teenage boy gives me a ‘bro nod’, followed by a thumbs-up.)

    Me: “Did you see that? That guy just gave you a thumbs-up.”

    Brother: “What? Why?”

    Me: “I think he thought we were together.”

    Brother: “No way.”

    Me: “I don’t know whether to be creeped out because he thought we’re dating, or flattered because I’m a thumbs-up.”

    Out Of State, Out Of Mind, Part 2

    | Florida, USA | In-Laws

    (My brother has just came back from vacation in Virginia. Our sister in law, who is 20, sees him pull out cash to pay for the airport parking.)

    Sister-in-law: “You switched your Virginia money back to Florida money already?”

    Related:
    Out Of State, Out Of Mind (From Not Always Right)

    Christmas Is Off To A Rocky Start

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (A little boy and his mother enter the store. The little boy is toting a fairly good sized rock with both hands.)

    Little boy: “Mama, I want one of those toys for Christmas!”

    (The little boy gestures to toys on display.)

    Mother: “What do you want toys for? You don’t need toys! You have a perfectly good rock!”

    Hurting Your Sibling’s Fillings

    | NY, USA | Siblings, Top

    (I am getting my molars removed for the first time, and I’m freaking out. My sister decides to take advantage.)

    Me: *to receptionist* “So, where are they going take me for the procedure?”

    Sister: “A dark, scary dungeon.”

    Me: *to sister* “Ha. Ha. Very funny.” *to receptionist* “How’s the dentist planning on sedating me?”

    Receptionist: “Well-”

    Sister: “They’re going to strap you to a table and beat you with a log until you’re unconscious. Or your teeth fall out. Whichever comes first.”

    Me: *to receptionist* “How long am I going to be out?”

    Receptionist: “Well–”

    Sister: “Years.”

    Receptionist: “Oh my God, would you stop? Your brother is turning pale!”


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