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    The Muffin Man And Me(at)

    | NY, USA | Siblings

    (My sister and I are wreaking havoc at the check-out counter at the local supermarket. The cashier hands my sister a bag of muffins.)

    Sister: “Here, take the muffins.”

    (I grab the muffins.)

    Sister: “Stop being so aggressive! Stop molesting the muffins!”

    (The cashier is trying to hold back the giggles and hands my sister a bag of raw meat. I grab the bag of meat out of my sister’s hand.)

    Me: “Ah, no! The men carry the meat in this family!”

    Sister: “Then give me the darn muffins back!”

    Me: “Never!”

    Cashier: *now on the verge of tears, speaking very quickly* “Your total is $20.95. Thank you, and have a nice day!”

    Sister and me: “Thank you!”

    (We happily leave the supermarket.)

    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 2

    | Queens, NY, USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians, Siblings, Sons & Daughters

    (Me and my mom are on the porch, saying goodbye to my brother who is leaving for college.)

    Me: “I’m going to miss you. Just don’t make me an aunt!”

    Brother: “Don’t make me an uncle!”

    (My neighbor has been watching us. He looks shocked.)

    Mom: *to neighbor, very proudly* “Yup, they’re my kids.”

    Adopting A Sense Of Humor

    | Texas, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters, Top

    (My little brother is lamenting how different he is from everyone else in the family.)

    Little brother: “Dad, was I adopted?”

    Dad: “Yes, but they brought you back.”

    Cross-Exam

    | Canada | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m living away from home, going to school. My parents call me almost every night for a short chat.)

    Mom: “How was class today honey?”

    Me: “I didn’t have class. I had my lab exam, remember?”

    Mom: “Oh, right. Did you learn anything new?”

    Me: “No, I had my lab exam!”

    Mom: “Oh, right. When’s your lab exam?”

    Me: “Today!”

    Mom: “Oh, right. When’s your next exam?”

    Me: “Monday. Mom, I’m going to head off now.”

    Mom: “Ok, honey, love you. Good luck in your exam tomorrow.”

    Mothers Hate Toilet Humor

    | New York, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My dad purchases a new plunger, and is in the bathroom telling my mom how to use it.)

    Dad: *sarcastically* “You know, for the new plunger, you have to pull the handle out before you can use it.”

    Mom: “I know how to use a plunger.”

    Sister: “Are you sure? You know you’ve got to put it in the toilet, right? And then push.”

    Me: “And then pull.”

    Sister: “And then push.”

    Me: “And then pull.”

    Sister: “And then push.”

    Me: “And then pull.”

    Sister: “And then you’ve got to take it out of the toilet before you sit down.”

    (Dad starts cracking up.)

    Mom: “I hate all of you.”


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