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    In Hot Water Now

    | VA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters, Top

    (My wife and I are unloading groceries, while our two-year-old daughter is pointing out things as they come out of the bag.)

    Daughter: “Eggs! Milk! Bananas! Cheese!”

    (Points to my wife’s bottle of gin, thinking hard.)

    Daughter: “… Mommy water!”

    They Grow Up So Fast

    | Morayfield, QLD, Australia | Sons & Daughters, Teenagers, Top

    (It’s just after Christmas. I’m in a game store with my sister while my parents go to buy movie tickets at the theater in the mall. My sister and I both have prepaid debit cards to spend. We’re browsing, looking for things to buy, when our parents turn up.)

    Me: “I thought you were going to wait for us at the theater.”

    Mom: “We were, but we realized they probably wouldn’t let her use her card without an adult present.”

    Me: “Mom, I’m 18. I am an adult.”

    Mom: *sudden look of realization*

    Girl Power

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters, Top

    (I’m playing a game with my three-year-old daughter by waving a “magic wand” and turning her into various things. This game has been going on for about a minute and she’s gotten into the routine.)

    Me: *poof* “You’re a rabbit.”

    Daughter: “I don’t want to be a rabbit.”

    Me: *poof* “You’re a zebra.”

    Daughter: “I don’t want to be a zebra.”

    Me: *poof* “You’re a cat.”

    Daughter: “I don’t want to be a cat.”

    Me: *poof* “You’re a girl.”

    Daughter: “I don’t want to be a— HOORAY! I’m a girl!”

    My Family And Other Animals, Part 5

    | Germany | Children, Nephews & Nieces, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (My five-year-old nephew has to give a presentation in kindergarten on his family. He wanted to do it all by himself but his mother convinced him to try it out on us.)

    Nephew: “My name is [Name]. I am five years old. My mom and dad are called [Mom] and [Dad]. We have a cat named [Cat].”

    (He continues to list the whole family with grandparents and all his cousins, their parents, and pets. We sit on the couch and smile encouragingly.)

    Nephew: “Then there’s my cousin [Cousin]. He has two little sisters and will have a little brother this year. They don’t have a pet. But my mom says with that many children your house is a zoo anyway, so I guess they don’t need any.)

    (Needless to say my sister got very pale while I lost it completely.)

    My Family And Other Animals, Part 4
    My Family And Other Animals, Part 3
    My Family And Other Animals, Part 2
    My Family And Other Animals

    Looking At It From A Different Angel

    | OH, USA | Children, Teenagers, Top

    (My 13-year-old daughter and I are looking at a website that has a picture of an angel statue that is face-palming with a caption: ‘This is what my guardian angel probably looks like.’ My daughter turns to me, looking very serious.)

    Daughter: “I wonder if when you’re having sex your guardian angel turns to the other guardian angel in the room and says stuff like, ‘so, how was your day?’”

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