(As a surprise for me, my Dad got me tickets to Star Wars in Concert, where a live orchestra plays music from the movies, narrated live by the guy who played C-3PO. I’m in the second row, and in utter heaven. My mother, the person who made me watch all three movies in one day when I was 13, and is a professional musician, is sitting next to me. During one section, they play the ‘Luke and Leia’ theme from ‘Return of the Jedi’. She turns to me in horror.)

Mom: “When did we find out that they’re siblings?!”

Me: “1983, mom.”

Mom: “I swear that wasn’t in the movies before. Was that in the Special Editions?!”

(The ‘Lord of The Rings: Return of The King’ has just come out to theaters. My stepmom and I are big fans, so we see it together. After the film ends, we start to leave. A huge line has accumulated for the next screening. My stepmom, seeing this, smiles mischievously.)

Stepmom: *in a loud voice* “I can’t believe they killed Frodo!”

(The line erupts into hushed conversation at this fake tidbit.)

Me: “Mama!”

Stepmom: “What? They’re gonna see it anyway.”

Me: “Oh… good point!”

(I am the youngest of six kids, and my mother has had glaucoma for 30 years. Her eyesight is not good at all. We are chatting on the phone, and she tells me that she has just renewed her driver’s license, but she prefaces it with this:)

Mom: “I have good news! Well, my kids don’t think it’s such good news, but you might.”

Me: “Gee thanks, mom. Is there something else you want to tell me?”

(My dad and I are notorious for making bad jokes. We’re each discussing our days.)

Brother: “—and so then she threw the rest of the owl pellet at me at the end of the dissection.”

(My dad’s face lights up like he’s about to make a joke. We all groan a little. I strike a pose.)

Me: “Everybody brace yourselves; a bad joke is coming.”

Dad: “Actually, no, I’ve decided not to make that one into a joke.”

(Mom turns to my brother.)

Mom: “ Affirmed, Agent J. The training has begun to succeed.”

(I am having dinner with my mother. My boyfriend’s name starts with the letter D, and my mom loves to be clever.)

Mom: “When are you hanging out with ‘The Big D’ next?”

Me: “What?”

Mom: “Your boyfriend?”

Me: “Don’t call him that!”

Mom: “Why not? I know what it means!”