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    Category: Teenagers

    Blowing Holes In Her Shipping

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters, Teenagers

    (I am watching the latest ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ films in theatre with my best friend. Sitting in the row in front of us is a mother and daughter. As the movie plays, the following occurs.)

    Daughter: “Oh, my god! It’s Groves! I missed you, Theodore!”

    Mom: “That’s your favourite character, huh?”

    Daughter: “He’s so pretty!”

    (Later…)

    Daughter: *squeals* “Gilette! I thought he was dead! This is awesome!”

    Mom: “Aren’t those the two pirates you write about, honey?”

    Daughter: “Oh, yeah, but they were Navy officers before.”

    (Still later.)

    Mom: “… I’ll buy the fact that they are close friends, but not as a romantic couple! Really rather unrealistic, wouldn’t you say?”

    Daughter: “Mom…”

    Mom: “I mean, you can’t just pair together two 18th century naval officers. There were laws against that sort of thing, wasn’t there?”

    Daughter: “Mom…”

    Mom: “And at any rate even if they were, they wouldn’t be so open as you make it out to be—”

    Daughter: “Mom! It’s just a movie! AND STOP BLOWING HOLES IN MY SHIP!”

    (I couldn’t help laughing out loud, drawing stares from around the packed house, and my best friend reached down and gave the daughter a high-five when they turned around to investigate. Fangirl: 1, Mom: 0)

    Smells Like Teenage Spirit

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Sons & Daughters, Teenagers

    (I was born with anosmia, which means I can’t smell anything. It’s a blessing at times, but also a major hindrance. So, to compensate, you learn to adjust how you handle situations and to trust others to be your canary.)

    Me: “Son, you need to go take a shower.”

    Son: “Why?”

    Me: “Because you stink.”

    Son: “How do you know? You can’t smell anything.”

    Me: “Because of several things. First, you are a thirteen-year-old boy, which is reason enough right there according to your mother. Second, your last shower was 25 hours ago, well beyond any deodorant’s power. Third, you had track practice this afternoon. You stink. Go take a shower.”

    Son: “Ugh… fine.”

    Me: “As a reminder: since you’ve caught on to my checking the wetness of the towel and the state that you’ve left the bathroom in, I will double check that you really have taken a shower by having your mom smell you. If you don’t pass, you will have to shower again.”

    Son: “It just isn’t fair.”

    Me: “No, it isn’t. Your mother doesn’t like smelling you and gets on to me for not getting on to you about showering, as if I can tell if you stink or not.”

    They Grow Up So Fast

    | Morayfield, QLD, Australia | Sons & Daughters, Teenagers, Top

    (It’s just after Christmas. I’m in a game store with my sister while my parents go to buy movie tickets at the theater in the mall. My sister and I both have prepaid debit cards to spend. We’re browsing, looking for things to buy, when our parents turn up.)

    Me: “I thought you were going to wait for us at the theater.”

    Mom: “We were, but we realized they probably wouldn’t let her use her card without an adult present.”

    Me: “Mom, I’m 18. I am an adult.”

    Mom: *sudden look of realization*

    Looking At It From A Different Angel

    | OH, USA | Children, Teenagers, Top

    (My 13-year-old daughter and I are looking at a website that has a picture of an angel statue that is face-palming with a caption: ‘This is what my guardian angel probably looks like.’ My daughter turns to me, looking very serious.)

    Daughter: “I wonder if when you’re having sex your guardian angel turns to the other guardian angel in the room and says stuff like, ‘so, how was your day?’”

    How To Scar Your Siblings For Life

    | CA, USA | Siblings, Teenagers

    (I am the oldest of four kids and at my youngest sister’s friend’s birthday party. As most of the small children guests and their parents have gone home, I finally go in the bouncy house. Please note that I have been waiting most of my life to do this, and no children were harmed.)

    Me: *sitting patiently on top of bouncy house slide*

    Sister: *climbing ladder* “[My Name], move!”

    Me: *puts hands on my sister’s shoulders* “Long live the king!”

    (I then proceed to push her off the ladder, cackling wildly.)


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