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  • Category: Teenagers

    Be Prepared, For This Family

    | Fresno, CA, USA | Siblings, Teenagers

    (For the first time in a long time, my mom’s four children are together and visiting a zoo for a family event. I’m the oldest at 26 while my two sisters are 15 and 11. We’re all walking into the African area of the zoo.)

    15-Year-Old Sister: “Great idea! Who needs a king?”

    Both: “No king! No king! Lalalala!”

    Me: *whirling around to stare them down* “FOOLS! There will be a king!”

    11-Year-Old Sister: “But—”

    Me: “I will be king! Stick with me and you’ll never go hungry again!”

    Both: “Yay, all right! Long live the king! Long live the king!”

    (I was deemed the king for the rest of the day and no one else in the family thought this was unusual.)

    H2-Oh So Deadly

    | Houston, TX, USA | Sons & Daughters, Teenagers

    (In an effort to raise healthy children, I’ve made them aware of how certain drugs and even just natural ingredients can be harmful in the wrong amounts. My teen daughter has taken this to heart, though I didn’t realize how cautious she’d become until one day…)

    Me: “Hey, hon, I’ve got a new gluten-free cookie recipe. Let’s try it!” *I hand her the recipe*

    Teen Daughter: *reading recipe* “Mom, it’s got nutmeg! And cinnamon. Cinnamon can be dangerous and nutmeg in large amounts is dangerous, too!”

    Me: *deadpan voice* “Yeah, and water in large amounts is dangerous. It’s called drowning.”

    Wrote A Captain’s Log

    | Columbia, MD, USA | Sons & Daughters, Teenagers

    (I’m browsing the science fiction section of a bookstore. A teenage girl and her mother are also.)

    Girl: “Oh, look! William Shatner wrote a book! I wonder if it’s any good?”

    Me: “Well, I hear he writes about as well as he acts…”

    Girl: *perplexed* “Is that good?”

    (Her mom and I just smile at each other.)

    Mommy’s Little Emo

    | USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians, Teenagers

    (At summer school I’ve got a reputation as the ‘emo kid’ and a bit of a rebel. Today my mom, who’s very sweet and a bit naive, came in with me to sign a paper, but since it’s only my second day, we’ve gotten lost. We turn a corner and run into one of my new friends, who’s a bit of a punk.)

    Mom: *surprised* “Oh, hello.”

    Me: “Dude, where’s our classroom? This place is so weird.”

    Friend: *points* “That way. I’m heading there now. Wanna come?”

    Mom: “No, I think it’s the other way, sweetie.”

    Me: “Well, I’ll see you later, Mom.”

    Mom: “Bye! Have fun in school!”

    (Once we get out of earshot…)

    Friend: “What was THAT?”

    Me: “Not. A. Word.”

    You’re Gonna Be In Pictures

    | UT, USA | Siblings, Teenagers

    (I’m looking up information for my husband about a charter school he attended and later worked at. My younger sister also attended the school. Their website shows pictures of past graduations and award ceremonies. My sister happens to be in one of the pictures, so I text her to let her know.)

    Me: “You’re in a picture on [School]’s website.”

    Sister: What?!”

    Me: “From your graduation.”


    One Ambition

    | CA, USA | Cousins, Teenagers

    (I am eight years older than my youngest cousin. I have always adored this kid from day one; she never failed to make me laugh. I’m always amazed every year at how much she’s grown. Fast forward to her being 16 years old. She absolutely loves the band ‘One Direction.’)

    Cousin: “I want to marry One Direction.”

    Me: “You mean one of the guys from the band, right?”

    Cousin: “No, I mean the whole band. Instead of sister-wives, they can be brother-husbands.”

    (I spent most of the next two days laughing. She may not be a funny baby anymore, but she’s still definitely hilarious!)

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