(My sister has decided to come out to our mother, no matter what. She unfortunately chooses a day when my mum is running late for work.)

Sister: “Mum?”

Mum: “What?”

Sister: “I’ve got something really important to tell you.”

Mum: *freezes* “Oh, God…”

Sister: “I’m gay.”

Mum: “Are you joking?!”

Sister: “Um, no…”

Mum: “You’re telling me at quarter to eight in the morning?!”

Sister: “Um… yes?”

Mum: “I don’t have time for this! I need to have a shower!”

(Our mum runs out of the kitchen and upstairs to the bathroom. We both hear mum laughing in the shower. She walks out a few minutes later, and pops into my room.)

Mum: “Thank God! I thought she was going to tell me she was pregnant!”

Me: “No chance of that!”

(I’m calling my mom to thank her for the food bag she left us the other night.)

Me: “Thanks Mom! [Brother] had to make space in the freezer and take out the raw fish you gave us last week. Our kitten loved it!”

Mom: “No problem. Good thing you—wait, you FED IT TO THE CAT?”

Me: “Yeah, wasn’t that what it was for?”

Mom: “No, that was Vendance! I bought it for you to cook and eat on Sunday!”

Me: “Oops?”

(Vendance is a small white fish, that is a huge delicacy in Finland, and very expensive, too!)

(My son has progressed past the ‘Why?’ stage, into trying to figure things out for himself. He is currently trying to figure out the rules for how to decide what to wear.)

Son: “Why did you give me long pants?”

Me: “Because of the weather.”

(He thinks for a moment.)

Son: “Because it’s cold?”

Me: “Yes.”

Son: “Okay! Why do you sometimes wear gold jewelry, and sometimes wear silver?”

Me: “To make sure I match.”

Son: “And today you decided to wear silver to match your hair!”

(It’s early spring, and the city where my parents live received a snowstorm the previous week. I’m on the phone with my parents. People are always commenting that my dad and I have the same sense of humour.)

Me: “So, are you still getting bad weather over there, or has it cleared up?”

Mom: “Oh, it’s much nicer! Your father was excited today because he saw seven robins.”

Me: “Is he sure it was seven robins? Or was it only the same robin that he saw, but seven times?”

Mom: “No, it was seven all at the same time.”

Me: “Is he sure it was seven, or is he suffering from double vision in his old age?”

(My father and I speak the next lines at the same time:)

Me and Dad: “Maybe it was only three-and-a-half birds!”

(I’m in the living room. My daughter is playing in the apartment next door with her best friend. She bursts into the living room.)

Daughter: “Mom! Mom! Can I go down on [little girl who lives next door] at the pool?”

Me: “What?”

Daughter: “Yeah, [neighbor] said she’d take us to the pool if you said it was okay! Can I take my water noodle?”

Me: “Oh, you want to go down to the pool with your friend?”

Daughter: “Yeah, isn’t that what I said?”

Me: “Remind me to have a long talk about the importance of prepositions when you get back.”