(I am about three years old. I have recently become obsessed with the movie ‘The Jungle Book’. My mom is trying to get me ready to go to church. She is still in her pyjamas, and not ready at all. I’m in my church clothes.)

Mom: “We need to brush your hair!”

Me: “No! I don’t want to!”

Mom: “I mean it! Your hair is a mess!”

(I check out her pyjamas and un-brushed hair.)

Me: “You’re no basket of fruit yourself!”

(I am having a conversation with my very young son.)

Son: “Do I have to get married when I grow up?”

Me: “No, you don’t.”

Son: “What’s a girlfriend?”

Me: “A girl that you want to spend time with, and kiss.”

Son: “Well, I want to kiss [boy from school], but I think I should ask his parents if it’s okay first.”

Me: “Yeah, you should probably check with him first, too.”

Son: “Can I have a boyfriend and a girlfriend?”

Me: “Maybe just one at a time, so that no one gets jealous.”

(My sister has decided to come out to our mother, no matter what. She unfortunately chooses a day when my mum is running late for work.)

Sister: “Mum?”

Mum: “What?”

Sister: “I’ve got something really important to tell you.”

Mum: *freezes* “Oh, God…”

Sister: “I’m gay.”

Mum: “Are you joking?!”

Sister: “Um, no…”

Mum: “You’re telling me at quarter to eight in the morning?!”

Sister: “Um… yes?”

Mum: “I don’t have time for this! I need to have a shower!”

(Our mum runs out of the kitchen and upstairs to the bathroom. We both hear mum laughing in the shower. She walks out a few minutes later, and pops into my room.)

Mum: “Thank God! I thought she was going to tell me she was pregnant!”

Me: “No chance of that!”

(I’m calling my mom to thank her for the food bag she left us the other night.)

Me: “Thanks Mom! [Brother] had to make space in the freezer and take out the raw fish you gave us last week. Our kitten loved it!”

Mom: “No problem. Good thing you—wait, you FED IT TO THE CAT?”

Me: “Yeah, wasn’t that what it was for?”

Mom: “No, that was Vendance! I bought it for you to cook and eat on Sunday!”

Me: “Oops?”

(Vendance is a small white fish, that is a huge delicacy in Finland, and very expensive, too!)

(My son has progressed past the ‘Why?’ stage, into trying to figure things out for himself. He is currently trying to figure out the rules for how to decide what to wear.)

Son: “Why did you give me long pants?”

Me: “Because of the weather.”

(He thinks for a moment.)

Son: “Because it’s cold?”

Me: “Yes.”

Son: “Okay! Why do you sometimes wear gold jewelry, and sometimes wear silver?”

Me: “To make sure I match.”

Son: “And today you decided to wear silver to match your hair!”