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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Got That Problem Licked

    | NY, USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

    (I am eating leftover pizza for a small dinner. As I set myself up to eat at the computer, my cat decides to start licking one of the slices.)

    Me: “UGH. NO.” *swats the cat away* “Why would you do that?”

    (I proceed to tear off the chunk she had licked and threw it in the trash. My mom hears me and comes over.)

    Mom: “What happened?”

    Me: “She licked my pizza!”

    Mom: “Who?”

    Me: “That one!” *points at the cat*

    Mom: “So? Lick it right back.”

    (I gave her a disgusted look and she kept repeating “lick it back” all the way back to her bedroom.)

    A Hobby-tual Hazard

    | Denver, CO, USA | Pets & Animals, Sons & Daughters

    (I am in the process of teaching my daughters to crochet:)

    Daughter #2: “This hurts my arm.”

    Daughter #1: *struggling to learn* “Know where this hurts me? My pride.”

    (Daughter #1 finally caught on… Our cat kept trying to eat her yarn. She finally got frustrated and said, “No, Tigger! Not delicious!”)

    Makes You Want To Flea

    | Dudley, England, UK | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

    (This story takes place when I am about 5 and have gone with my parents to take our dog to the vet.)

    Me: *whispering* “I think that dog has fleas.”

    (At this point, I look over at a German Shepherd and point to the bald patch on its neck. I had read online that square bald patches on a dog meant fleas.)

    Mom: “That’s a bit rude.”

    Me: “Okay.” *walks over to owner and talks loudly* “Does your dog have fleas?”

    (Needless to say, Mom and Dad never took me to the vet’s with them again.)

    Doesn’t Find It A-Mew-sing

    | USA | Pets & Animals, Siblings

    (I poke my brother’s cat.)

    Cat: *swipes at me*

    (I poke my brother.)

    Brother: *swipes at me, in exactly the same way*

    Me: “[Brother], you’re just like your cat!”

    Brother: “Huh? No, I’m NOT!”

    Accidental Obedience

    | Powell River, BC, Canada | Pets & Animals

    (My husband and I have adopted a shelter dog. She has some ‘issues.’ We are getting ready to go out.)

    Me: “[Dog], come! Sit!”

    (She actually does.)

    Me: “Good girl! You almost looked like you were obeying, instead of just accidentally sauntering in my direction.”

    No Cur For This Trauma

    | NY, USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

    (I walk into my room to find my stuffed dog on my pillow, ‘holding’ a book.)

    Me: “Mom, why is my dog reading a book?”

    Mom: “I just wanted to make you laugh!”

    Me: “You turned it to the part about shooting a mad dog and gave it to my dog! She’s traumatized!”

    Mom: *laughing uncontrollably* “It was honestly an accident! I swear!”

    Me: “Traumatized, Mom!”


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