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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Makes You Want To Flea

    | Dudley, England, UK | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

    (This story takes place when I am about 5 and have gone with my parents to take our dog to the vet.)

    Me: *whispering* “I think that dog has fleas.”

    (At this point, I look over at a German Shepherd and point to the bald patch on its neck. I had read online that square bald patches on a dog meant fleas.)

    Mom: “That’s a bit rude.”

    Me: “Okay.” *walks over to owner and talks loudly* “Does your dog have fleas?”

    (Needless to say, Mom and Dad never took me to the vet’s with them again.)

    Doesn’t Find It A-Mew-sing

    | USA | Pets & Animals, Siblings

    (I poke my brother’s cat.)

    Cat: *swipes at me*

    (I poke my brother.)

    Brother: *swipes at me, in exactly the same way*

    Me: “[Brother], you’re just like your cat!”

    Brother: “Huh? No, I’m NOT!”

    Accidental Obedience

    | Powell River, BC, Canada | Pets & Animals

    (My husband and I have adopted a shelter dog. She has some ‘issues.’ We are getting ready to go out.)

    Me: “[Dog], come! Sit!”

    (She actually does.)

    Me: “Good girl! You almost looked like you were obeying, instead of just accidentally sauntering in my direction.”

    No Cur For This Trauma

    | NY, USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

    (I walk into my room to find my stuffed dog on my pillow, ‘holding’ a book.)

    Me: “Mom, why is my dog reading a book?”

    Mom: “I just wanted to make you laugh!”

    Me: “You turned it to the part about shooting a mad dog and gave it to my dog! She’s traumatized!”

    Mom: *laughing uncontrollably* “It was honestly an accident! I swear!”

    Me: “Traumatized, Mom!”

    Garage Humor

    | Rescue, CA, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I am a teenager. I am standing outside in the driveway of our house while my mom is in the garage and my father is digging around fruitlessly in our shed behind me.)

    Dad: *walks out frustrated* “Where the h*** is my hoe?”

    Me: “She’s in the garage.”

    Dad: *laughing*

    Mom: *coming out of the garage and trying to hold back her laughter* “That is not a nice thing to say about your mother!”

    Lamp-ooning Your Attempts To Discipline

    | Canada | Pets & Animals

    (I’m curled up in bed when my dog starts licking the carpet.)

    Dog: *lick lick lick*

    Me: “Bad dog! Stop licking my carpet!”

    Dog: *lick lick lick*

    Me: “Fine you asked for it.” *reaches to throw pillow at dog but instead knocks over a lamp*

    (CRASH.)

    Me: “Well, I suppose that works, too.”

    Dog: *lick lick lick*

    Me: “Oh, come on!”


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