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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Cat On A Hot Tin Oven

    | Sparta, WI, USA | Children, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (As a young teen, I always babysit for money. One family has multiple children, the youngest – a three-year-old boy – a real hellion.)

    Me: “Okay, kids. I’m going to start dinner while you play.”

    (I turn the oven on to preheat while pulling pizzas out of the freezer. I am unwrapping the pizzas when a horrible yowling starts reverberating through the kitchen. After a few seconds of shock, I realized it is a very unhappy cat – and the sound is coming from the oven I’d just turned on! I run to the oven and throw it open. A cat comes screaming out of it!)

    Me: *genuinely shocked* “What the heck just happened?”

    (The oldest girl comes to the door of the kitchen.)

    Oldest Girl: “Was the cat in the oven again?”

    Me: “Yes! What on earth was the cat doing in the oven? ”

    Oldest Girl: “Oh, [Rambunctious Toddler] has taken to shoving the cats in the weirdest places.”

    Me: “Why didn’t anyone warn me to look in the oven before preheating it?!”

    (That cat never came close to me again. I found out later she had hidden in the garage. I actually yelled at the parents for not warning me about this new toddler tendency, which was weird for me as I was a shy teen. And even though I’m in my 30s now, I still always check the location of any cats in the house before turning on an oven!)

    Looking For That Great White Romance

    | USA | Pets & Animals, Siblings

    (My older brother, my dad, and I are all sitting in the living room watching ‘Sharknado’ because we are really bored. Some girl gets eaten by a shark and my brother slams his hand down on the sofa.)

    Brother: “Story of my life!”

    Me: “What?”

    Brother: “Every time! Every time I meet a pretty girl, she gets eaten by sharks!”

    Still Puppy Loves You

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | LGTBQ, Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

    (I came out to my mother several years earlier, and while she never loved me any less because of it, it has taken her some time to come to terms with and accept it.)

    Me: “I think my mind is telling me I want a puppy. I keep finding myself wandering over to the dog section at the store, or at [Popular Pet Store].”

    Mom: “You mean I’m going to be a grandmother after all?”

    (After hearing her joke about it like that, I knew it meant she was finally all right with it.)

    The Real Grandchild Is A Whole Different Animal

    | Stockholm, Sweden | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Grandparents, Pets & Animals

    (My grandmother and grandfather are visiting me and my boyfriend for the first time in our new apartment. We have also just gotten a gecko as a pet and are always excited to show off our new ‘baby.’)

    Me: “Oh, hey! Do you want to meet your great grandkid?”

    (Both my grandparents suddenly look extremely uncomfortable and shocked.)

    Me: *not realizing*

    Boyfriend: “Uh…”

    Me: *realizing* “OH, MY GAWSH, NO! I meant the gecko!”

    At The End Of Your Dog Days

    | Des Moines, IA USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

    (A sweet 86-year-old lady comes into my insurance office.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Lady: “I wanted to change the beneficiaries of my life insurance policy.”

    (She submits the form and has several children, listing each one individually and what percentage of her policy each should receive when she dies. She gets to the last person:)

    Lady: “And to Arthur, 0%, because he loves his dog more than his own mother.”


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