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    Category: Pets & Animals

    The Cat Can Even Get Your Tongue

    | NJ, USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

    (My cat begins following me, meowing very loudly and annoyingly, so I go to investigate what her issue is.)

    Me: “MOM! How dare you?!”

    Mom: “Huh? What?”

    Me: “You left your papers all over [Cat]‘s special spot on the bed! Now she’s mad!”

    Mom: “Sorry? I wasn’t aware the right bottom corner of MY bed was no longer mine.”

    Me: *moves papers and puts cat down*

    Mom: *sighs* “Nothing is mine anymore… “

    Dog Has It’s Day Everyday

    | Enfield, CT, USA | Cousins, Pets & Animals

    (I’m staying with my cousin and her pitbull for the weekend. I see my cousin cutting up a large amount of chicken. She’s vegetarian, so naturally this arouses my curiosity.)

    Me: “What are you doing with all that chicken?”

    Cousin: “Making dog food.”

    Me: “… Why?”

    Cousin: “Because she’s allergic to canned dog food. And because I don’t have children. That, too.”

    Too Many Elephants, Not Enough Dogs

    | The Netherlands | Friends, Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

    (I’m 12 years old, and a friend of mine is over at my place. We’re asked to take the dog out to walk. We’re almost at the end of our garden, when my dad calls out from the house.)

    Dad: “Hey! Aren’t you two forgetting something?”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure we’re not.”

    Friend: “We never forget anything. We got the memory of two elephants!”

    Dad: “Oh, really? Then would you Dumbos mind explaining why you’re holding a leash, but the dog is still here?”

    Failed In The Heat Of The Moment

    | USA | Pets & Animals, Siblings

    (I have to be out of town for a while, so I ask my brother to look after my pet chinchilla. My brother fancies himself to be very smart and agrees.)

    Me: “Make sure you don’t let it become too hot, or it might get heat stroke. Thanks. Bye!”

    (I leave and when I come back, my brother has turned on the heat so high I can feel it and take off my coat.)

    Me: “I’m back! Why did you turn on the heat when I told you that chinchillas can’t stand being hot?”

    Brother: “I’m not freezing because of your stupid pet. Just be grateful I took care of it at all!”

    Me: “There’s no need to be rude. Why didn’t you put something over the vent in the room where you kept it to keep the hot air out? That way you could be warm and it could be cold.”

    Brother: “I… didn’t think of that.”

    Has Beef With Venison

    | Puyallup, WA, USA | Pets & Animals, Themed Giveaway

    (I’m with my mom, trying to explain a joke where Santa is playing Scrabble with his reindeer, and the only available word to play is ‘venison.’)

    Mom: “I just don’t get why it’s funny.”

    Me: “Because deer are only called venison when you’re about to eat them. These deer are Santa’s friends. Hence, the ‘funny.’”

    Mom: “Okay. I think I get it, but do we really only use venison when talking about food?”

    Me: “Gee, those venison sure are having fun, frolicking in the field.”

    Mom: “You made your point. Why do we even call it venison, though? We don’t invent special words for other animals, like beef.”

    Me: *sarcastically* “Gee, that beef sure is having fun, frolicking in the field.”

    Mom: “Shut up.”


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