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    Category: Pets & Animals

    At The End Of Your Dog Days

    | Des Moines, IA USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

    (A sweet 86-year-old lady comes into my insurance office.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Lady: “I wanted to change the beneficiaries of my life insurance policy.”

    (She submits the form and has several children, listing each one individually and what percentage of her policy each should receive when she dies. She gets to the last person:)

    Lady: “And to Arthur, 0%, because he loves his dog more than his own mother.”

    Breaking Bread With Your Brother

    | Mexico | Children, Pets & Animals, Sons & Daughters

    (We are having a friendly get together at my house. I have a new puppy and my friend’s daughter is enthralled by it. After a while, we see the puppy eating a piece of bread that had been given to the kids. Note that the kids are four and two years old respectively.)

    Me: “Hey, [Friend], I think your daughter is feeding bread to the dog.”

    Friend: “[Daughter], are you giving your bread to the dog?”

    Daughter: “No. It’s my brother’s.”

    She’s A Mew-dist

    | PA, USA | Children, Pets & Animals, Sons & Daughters

    (I am getting my two-year-old daughter ready to take over to her grandma’s for the day. Some mornings it’s a fight to get her to do anything.)

    Me: “[Daughter], it’s time to get dressed; you need clothes to go to Memaw’s.”

    Daughter: “No. I no want to.”

    (I try to put shirt on her as our cat Buster wanders past.)

    Daughter: “Buster doesn’t wear a shirt. I won’t either!”

    (I shake my head at the profound logic coming from my two-year-old. We might have to start clothing our animals now.)

    The Cat Can Even Get Your Tongue

    | NJ, USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

    (My cat begins following me, meowing very loudly and annoyingly, so I go to investigate what her issue is.)

    Me: “MOM! How dare you?!”

    Mom: “Huh? What?”

    Me: “You left your papers all over [Cat]‘s special spot on the bed! Now she’s mad!”

    Mom: “Sorry? I wasn’t aware the right bottom corner of MY bed was no longer mine.”

    Me: *moves papers and puts cat down*

    Mom: *sighs* “Nothing is mine anymore… “

    Dog Has It’s Day Everyday

    | Enfield, CT, USA | Cousins, Pets & Animals

    (I’m staying with my cousin and her pitbull for the weekend. I see my cousin cutting up a large amount of chicken. She’s vegetarian, so naturally this arouses my curiosity.)

    Me: “What are you doing with all that chicken?”

    Cousin: “Making dog food.”

    Me: “… Why?”

    Cousin: “Because she’s allergic to canned dog food. And because I don’t have children. That, too.”

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