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(We’re all a little odd in my family. I’m in the dining room, when my mum walks in laughing her head off. On her hand is a paper bag, which she has turned inside out and drawn an owl on. I leave the room, and walk into the lounge. My brother is there; he looks up at me.)

Me: “We never stood a chance…”

(My mom and I are walking home. It has been a long day, and we are both tired. My mom has started whining, and in doing so she sounds somewhat childish.)

Mom: “Are we there yet?”

Me: “We’ll be there soon.”

Mom: “That’s what you always say!”

(This continues, and it becomes a bit of a joke.)

Mom: “Daddy, when will we get there?”

Me: “NO! NO! This conversation just crossed a line. NO!”

(Both of my parents and I enter the corridor leading to our movie theater. Suddenly a bat flies past down an intersecting corridor, going back and forth.)

Mom: “Oh, god! I can’t get past! THERE’S A BAT!”

Me: “Mom, just run past when it’s at the other end of the hall.”

Mom: “I CAN’T! It’s going to fly into my hair!”

Me: “That’s a myth; they don’t aim for your hair.”

Mom: “YES THEY DO! Don’t lie to me!”

(Dad laughs, and we finally encourage my mom to run across. She screams the whole time. She continues screaming as she runs up to a random movie theater patron.)

Mom: “THERE IS A BAT OUT THERE! DID YOU HEAR THAT SCREAMING? THAT WAS ME!”

(My mum is admiring my new sketchbook. I’m right handed, while she’s left handed.)

Mum: “I like this book, but it’s too small. I find I smudge the pencil across the right page, because I start on the left side.”

(I silently take the book, and turn it upside down.)

Mum: “…for a smart woman, I can be really stupid sometimes.”