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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: LGTBQ

    On The Straight And Single Path

    | San Jose, CA, USA | LGTBQ, Parents & Guardians

    (I am very liberal, but grew up in a conservative Catholic family. To her credit, my mom has tried very hard to keep an open mind about my views and the world around her, even when she doesn’t agree. I’m a straight woman and have been happily single for several years.)

    Mom: “So, [Friend] and her girlfriend are engaged now, right? Do you think you’re going to the wedding?”

    Me: “If I’m invited, sure, but I remember [Friend] always dreaming about a small destination wedding with only her family and her future in-laws.”

    Mom: “And what about you? Any nice guys in the picture?”

    Me: “No, still as single and happy as ever.”

    Mom: *pause* “Any girls?”

    Me: “No, Mom. I promise I’m telling you the truth when I say I’m straight and only attracted to men.”

    Mom: “Oh, good. I mean, I like [Friend]’s girlfriend, but I’m glad I’ll get grandkids sometime in the future!”

    (Note: due to health problems when I was younger, I’m infertile.)

    Me: “Mom, remember that whole thing about me not being able to have biological children? That doesn’t change based on my orientation.”

    Mom: “Sure, but there’s always adoption!”

    Me: “What do you think gay and lesbian couples who want kids do?”

    Next Generational Thinking

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Children, LGTBQ, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m at a friend’s house. She is talking about how she wishes her 24-year-old old son would find a nice girl and make her a grandma. Her nine-year-old daughter walks in.)

    Friend: “[Daughter], when you’re old enough you better find yourself a nice man and give me lots of grandkids because it looks doubtful your brother will give me any.”

    Daughter: “But mum, I can still have kids if I have a girlfriend, too.”

    (My friend and I look at each other and start laughing. She then gives her daughter a massive hug.)

    Friend: “So true, baby girl.”

    Never Too Old To Fight For What’s Right

    | NH, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Grandparents, LGTBQ, Top

    (I don’t have a grandfather of my own as they both passed away before I was born. My cousin’s grandfather has come on vacation with us. They call him papaw. I’ve never really called him anything because I’m not sure what to call him as he’s not my grandfather and I’m not exactly sure how he feels about me. I’ve recently come out as gay and have brought my girlfriend with us on the trip. We’re listening to the radio and there’s some controversial story about gay rights being debated about.)

    Papaw: “D*** all these gays! This crap is annoying!”

    Uncle: “Dad!”

    Papaw: “What? This gay rights crap is getting old. I’ll never see anything settled in my lifetime so why should I have to hear about it everywhere I go? I’m sick of it!”

    Me: “Um, my girlfriend and I are sitting right here.”

    Papaw: “You don’t count.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Papaw: “Because you’re my granddaughter and I’ll always fight for or beside you no matter what we’re fighting for.”

    (He’s since passed away but I couldn’t have asked for a better grandfather.)

    Still Puppy Loves You

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | LGTBQ, Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

    (I came out to my mother several years earlier, and while she never loved me any less because of it, it has taken her some time to come to terms with and accept it.)

    Me: “I think my mind is telling me I want a puppy. I keep finding myself wandering over to the dog section at the store, or at [Popular Pet Store].”

    Mom: “You mean I’m going to be a grandmother after all?”

    (After hearing her joke about it like that, I knew it meant she was finally all right with it.)

    No Buns In The Oven In This Kitchen

    | Virginia Beach, VA, USA | LGTBQ, Siblings, Spouses & Partners

    (I live with my fiancé, future sister in law, and her fiancée, who is also a woman. I’ve cooked dinner, but I have a general rule that everyone must make their own plate up. My sister-in-law is in the kitchen making up hers, and her fiancée walks in, looking for her own plate. The girls usually call each other ‘Baby.’)

    Sister-In-Law’s Fiancée: “Are you making Baby’s?”

    Fiancé: “You better not be making babies in my kitchen!”

    Me: “They couldn’t make babies in our kitchen if they wanted to…”

    Causing A Stink About Your Orientation

    | PA, USA | LGTBQ, Parents & Guardians

    (I’m gender-queer, but my parents still consider me female. I exercise my masculinity whenever I can. I wear men’s deodorant and have been working out in the sun on this particular day. My mom is watching TV on the couch when I come up from behind her and put her in a loose headlock.)

    Me: “Smell my manliness!”

    Mom: “Honey, you know I can’t smell anything! I’m too old!”

    Me: “Come on! Smell it!”

    Mom: “I won’t be able to–” *sniffs* “I CAN SMELL IT! I CAN SMELL IT!”

    Me: “I told you so!”

    Mom: “Oh, God! That should be illegal!”

    Me: *laughs maniacally*

    (As I walk away triumphantly, my mom suddenly cries out in agony.)

    Mom: “I CAN’T GET IT OUT OF MY NOSE!”


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