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    Category: LGTBQ

    No Buns In The Oven In This Kitchen

    | Virginia Beach, VA, USA | LGTBQ, Siblings, Spouses & Partners

    (I live with my fiancé, future sister in law, and her fiancée, who is also a woman. I’ve cooked dinner, but I have a general rule that everyone must make their own plate up. My sister-in-law is in the kitchen making up hers, and her fiancée walks in, looking for her own plate. The girls usually call each other ‘Baby.’)

    Sister-In-Law’s Fiancée: “Are you making Baby’s?”

    Fiancé: “You better not be making babies in my kitchen!”

    Me: “They couldn’t make babies in our kitchen if they wanted to…”

    Causing A Stink About Your Orientation

    | PA, USA | LGTBQ, Parents & Guardians

    (I’m gender-queer, but my parents still consider me female. I exercise my masculinity whenever I can. I wear men’s deodorant and have been working out in the sun on this particular day. My mom is watching TV on the couch when I come up from behind her and put her in a loose headlock.)

    Me: “Smell my manliness!”

    Mom: “Honey, you know I can’t smell anything! I’m too old!”

    Me: “Come on! Smell it!”

    Mom: “I won’t be able to–” *sniffs* “I CAN SMELL IT! I CAN SMELL IT!”

    Me: “I told you so!”

    Mom: “Oh, God! That should be illegal!”

    Me: *laughs maniacally*

    (As I walk away triumphantly, my mom suddenly cries out in agony.)

    Mom: “I CAN’T GET IT OUT OF MY NOSE!”

    Straight To The Point

    | Australia | LGTBQ, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (I am 16 and have come out to a few friends as bisexual, but am stressing about telling my parents. I know my whole family is open about it, but I am scared they will react negatively. My 14-year-old sister is talking to mum about her upcoming school formal while dad reads in the corner. Note that everyone in the family believes her to be completely straight.)

    Mum: “Have you found a date yet?”

    Sister: “Actually, yes. I just asked [Girl's Name]. She’s… I really like her.”

    Mum: *pause* “Okay, sweetie, I’m glad to hear it!”

    Dad: “Girls, huh? Cool.” *goes back to reading*

    Mum: “Have you thought about what dress you want yet?”

    Me: “…”

    An Unorthodox Method Of Ignorance

    | New York, NY, USA | Grandparents, LGTBQ

    (Because it’s before Passover I’m helping my grandmother prepare the food. I’m lesbian, which my parents and most of my friends are okay with. However, the rest of my Orthodox Jewish family likes to pretend that it isn’t true.)

    Grandma: “How’s school going? Are you getting good grades? How are your teachers and your friends? Oh, and do you have a boyfriend yet?”

    Me: “Grandma, I’m gay.”

    Grandma: “Oh, don’t be silly. Is that your way of telling me that you have a boyfriend? I won’t tell. Is he hot?”

    Me: “GRANDMA! I told you, no boyfriends. I have a very nice girlfriend, thank you very much.”

    Grandma: “Of course you don’t. You’re a very smart young lady, and I won’t have that talk in my house.”

    Me: “Thanks, but being smart has nothing to do with being gay.”

    Grandma: *laughs condescendingly* “Now I’m not so sure you’re smart! But I want great-grandchildren, you hear?”

    (We keep arguing for a while. Finally, I decide to leave.)

    Me: “Grandma, I have to go. I have some homework to finish up.”

    Grandma: “Good girl! And remember: GRANDKIDS!”

    Won Half The Battle

    | UK | LGTBQ, Parents & Guardians

    (I am bisexual, and had already came out to my mother a few months ago. My father, who is divorced and lives in Bristol, visits my sister and me during the holidays. I am nervous about coming out to him, as he can be more conservative than my mother.)

    Me: “Dad, I have something to tell you…”

    Dad: “Let me guess. You’re gay?”

    Me: “Actually, I’m bi.”

    (My dad pauses for a while. I am trying not to flee to my room.)

    Dad: “Well, I guess that means you’re half as likely to get pregnant!”

    (He smiles at me. I am trying not to cry as I smile back.)

    Me: “Actually, Dad, you don’t need to worry about that. I never want to get pregnant!”


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