Category: Grandparents

Needs To Get A B.A. In Barracus

| USA | Grandparents

(My grandma and I are watching America’s Got Talent. We are talking about Nick Cannon’s new hair style.)

Me: “You know what his hair reminds me of?! Pain T!”

Grandma: *looks confused*

Me: “You don’t know Pain T?!”

Grandma: “No!”

Me: “You know! ‘I Pity The Fool!'”

Grandma: “No, [My Name], that’s Mr. T!”

Take This Gift To My Grave

| Bedfordshire, England, UK | Children, Grandparents

(I am about five years old and have just given my great grandmother a bunch of fake roses.)

Me: “These are for you, Nan, so you can put them on your grave when you die.”

(I am 21 when I hear this story for the first time from my great grandmother, who thankfully is doing great at 93 and still has the flowers in her bedroom.)

Engineered A Solution For You

| USA | Grandparents

(After I decide to major in English at college, my family and I, who already aren’t on the best terms, really aren’t getting along very well. At the moment, my grandparents are visiting.)

Grandmother: “[My Name], have you reconsidered your college plans yet?”

Me: “I’m still planning on majoring in English when I go to college. I love to write, and it’s something I’m really interested in.”

Grandfather: “Well, we’d like to take you to visit [College known for its math and science programs]. You could study engineering there.”

Me: “Grandpa, I don’t intend to study engineering.”

Grandfather: “Nonsense. We know you better than anyone else, and what’s best for you!”

Grandmother: “Oh, and we started to fill out a form for visiting the college.”

Grandfather: “But we need your birth date to register you for a tour.”

Me: “I’m… turning 17 this Thursday.”

Grandfather: “Well, how were we supposed to know?! We shouldn’t have to know all this stuff about you!”

(Yet they continued to insist they knew what was best for me…)

No Sugar Coat

| USA | Grandparents

(I have struggled with confidence issues in the past, thanks to an unsupportive family and being a misfit at school due to my ‘nerdiness.’ However, with the help of a few close friends, I’ve become less self-conscious. Though my weight was never a huge issue for me, I’ve always been a bit embarrassed for being slightly chubby, and have slowly come to accept it. At the moment, I’m shopping for a coat with my grandmother.)

Me: *tries on coat* “I really like this one. It’s definitely my style, and is really comfortable as well.”

Grandmother: “Ugh, you can’t buy that! You look so fat in it.”

Me: “But I don’t care if I look fat; as long as I’m healthy, I don’t mind being a bit chubby.”

Grandmother: “You should mind. You need to get rid of all that flab. And besides, the coat’s a horrible style.”

(I’m feeling a bit hurt, especially since I take a lot of pride in my somewhat nonconformist sense of style.)

Me: “Look, it’s my body, and I’m going to be the one wearing the coat, so isn’t it my choice whether I get it or not?”

Grandmother: “[My Name], stop being so disrespectful! You need to work on getting a better figure, and you should buy nicer clothes. I know best, since I’m older.”

(She insisted I get a coat I hated, and then said she’d pay. Afterwards…)

Grandmother: “Since that coat cost so much, I guess it’s an early birthday present.”

This Cook Actually Spoiled The Broth

| USA | Grandparents, Siblings

(My grandmother is a terrible cook. One St. Patrick’s Day, she makes corned beef and cabbage. My sister and I are totally turned off by the smell and the weird color, and she finally coaxes us to try one tiny bite. We both spit it out and make gagging noises.)

Grandma: *exasperated* “FINE! I am never cooking for you girls ever again.”

Sister & Me: *in unison* “Thank you!”

Needs To Work On Your Excommunication Skills

| USA | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(My family is slightly religious and rather conservative, while I am a very liberal atheist. At the moment, my parents, grandparents, little sister, and I are chatting. I’ve tuned out and am immersed in a book.)

Grandmother: “So I’ve decided to stop going to [Church]. Everyone I know there has left so it’s not as interesting, and I don’t like the new minister.”

Dad: “What happened to the old one?”

Grandmother: “He got excommunicated for letting his gay son get married.”

Me: *looks up from book* “Seriously? That’s so close-minded! Some people are just infuriating.”

Sister: “Wait, they killed him?!”

Me: “What? No, exCOMMUNICATED, not exECUTED!”

(She honestly thought they’d executed him…)


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