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    Category: Grandparents

    Ancestral Projection

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Grandparents

    (I live with my grandmother and come home around the same time everyday. This has happened several times. I enter through the front door.)

    Grandma: “[My Name]?”

    Me: “Yeah?”

    Grandma: “Are you home?”

    Me: “…”

    He Mexican’t Read The Map

    | Boone, NC, USA | Grandparents

    (Most of my family is up at my grandparent’s house, having dinner. We all love to travel and my grandparents often plan big family trips, which is what we’re discussing.)

    Grandma: “So, I was thinking about Christmas. How does Baja in Mexico sound?”

    Me: “Baja California, or Baja California Sur?”

    (Those are the two Mexican states that make up the rather large Baja peninsula.)

    Dad: “She said Mexico, not California! What the hell? I thought you were good at geography!”

    (We ended up going to Key Largo.)

    Not Seeing Red Over Not Seeing Red

    | NY, USA | Grandparents

    (I am out driving with my grandmother and my cousin. My grandma is driving, while my cousin and I are in the back seat. We come to a red light and my grandma doesn’t brake or even look to see if anyone is coming, speeding right through it. My cousin and I look at each other, horrified and concerned.)

    Me: “Uh… grandma?”

    Grandma: “Yes?”

    Me: “That was a red light.”

    Grandma: *happy as a clam* “Oh, was it?”

    (We didn’t drive with her much after that.)

    Her Knowledge Of The Moon Never Landed

    | Burlington, ON, Canada | Grandparents

    (My grandma dropped out of school when she was 14 and has never been particularly “book smart.” One night we are walking out to the car after visiting a friend of the family in the hospital. My grandma looks up at the moon.)

    Grammy: “What is it that casts the shadow on the moon?”

    (She was completely serious.)

     Pick-Up Ain’t What It Used To Be

    | Newberg, OR, USA | Grandparents

    Grandmother: “It looks like they’re opening up a new hotel in [Town]. Do you know where that is?”

    Grandfather: “Yeah, I used to go there to pick up guys.”

    Me: *hysterical laughter*

    Mom: “What?”

    Me: “Now I’m just picturing him at a gay bar.”

    Grandfather: “Oh, I never got out of the car. I just shouted until some of them came over!”

    (It turns out he meant he would pick up daily laborers. Still, picturing my stoic, Danish grandfather at a modern gay bar is just a hilarious juxtaposition.)

    Just Left The Grandma Zone Of Conversation

    | FL, USA | Grandparents

    (I’m getting lunch with my mother, grandmother, and sister. Somehow, the discussion of my potential breast-reduction surgery has come up.)

    Grandmother: “Did the doctor tell you about the risks?”

    Me: “Yeah, there’s a low risk of not being able to breastfeed, as well as some possible numbness.”

    Grandmother: “I hope not. My nipples were always my most impressive erogenous zone…”

    Everyone Else: *chokes on food*


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