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    Category: Grandparents

    A Kneed To Be Tough

    | Winter Garden, FL, USA | Grandparents

    (My grandmother had knee surgery and was told that she could only get up for necessities. Being the stubborn mule she is, I have to babysit her to ensure she only gets up to use the restroom and nothing else, as I am there to cook for her. She keeps getting up to sweep, change the cat litter, wash dishes, etc. that are not necessities.)

    Me: “What are you doing now? You’re supposed to be resting.”

    Grandma: “Don’t tell me what to do. I’m older than you and I can do whatever I want if I feel like it.”

    Me: “You need to be resting. Your doctor said so. All the stuff you want to do is why I’m here, so I can do them for you. If you get up one more time, I swear, I’m going to tie you down to the bed.”

    Grandma: “No, you won’t.”

    Me: “Do you want to try me?”

    (She took one look at my face, and we didn’t have a problem after that. She even called me to help her out of bed to use the restroom. If I heard anything from her room, I would walk in to make sure she wasn’t doing something she wasn’t supposed to do.)

    Will Not Rodeo Drive

    | USA | Cousins, Grandparents

    (My cousin had a little bit too much to drink.)

    Grandma: “How are you going to get up tomorrow?”

    Cousin: “This is not my first rodeo, grandma… This is my second.”

    Showered With Corn Water

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Grandparents, Siblings

    (My grandma and my sister are talking about some of my sister’s shoes.)

    Grandma: “My gosh! These shoes don’t fit either! You are just growing like a weed! I don’t even water you!”

    Sister: *without hesitation* “But you shower me with love.”

    Avoid The Sword’s Point Innuendo

    | USA | Aunts & Uncles, Grandparents, Parents & Guardians

    (My family, including a few relatives that have come to visit, is having dinner. Most of my family is fairly naive, so can be a bit oblivious sometimes. At the moment, my grandmother is talking about stargazing a few days prior.)

    Grandmother: “It was very cloudy, so I didn’t expect to see much. But it turned out I found Orion; first I noticed his belt, and then I noticed I could look below it to see his sword.”

    Me: *raises eyebrows but doesn’t say anything*

    (My aunt catches my eye, and I suddenly realize we are the only two who are amused.)

    Aunt: “[My Name]?”

    Me: *holding back laughter* “Yes?”

    Aunt: *bursts out giggling* “How is she the ONLY one who gets this?”

    Grandmother: “Gets what?”

    Mom: “What are you two laughing about?”

    Me: “Trust me, [Aunt], they’re just never going to figure it out…”

    (They never did.)

    That’s Heavy For A Five-Year-Old

    | Australia | Grandparents

    (I am five years old and my grandpa is 50-ish, so not very old.)

    Grandpa: *picking me up* “Wow, you’re getting big. Do you think I’ll still be able to pick you up when you’re 15?”

    Me: *completely serious* “Nah, you’ll be dead.”

    Driven To Distraction

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Grandparents

    (I am about 11 or 12, and my Grandmother is giving me a ride home because it is raining out. Grandma is notoriously easily distracted, and talks to herself while she drives. This day, she passes up the turn off to my street.)

    Me: “Grandma, that’s my street.”

    Grandma: *startled* “Oh!”

    (She then throws the car in reverse in a busy road and backs up to my street. As soon as she puts in reverse, I panic and go into a completely braced position in the passenger seat. I’m scrunched down, pushing into the seat and my legs braced against the dash.)

    Grandma: “What’s wrong with you? Sit up!”

    (That was the LAST time I rode with her!)


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