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    Category: Grandparents

    To Sum It Up, They Are At Odds

    | TX, USA | Grandparents

    (I teach pre-calculus, and I’m trying to explain to my granny what I teach.)

    Granny: “Are there any girls in your class?”

    Me: “Yes… Why wouldn’t there be?”

    Granny: “Why do girls need math, anyway?”

    Me: “Um… For the same reason the boys do: so they can go to college and get a good job.”

    Granny: “Can the girls keep up with the boys in the class?”

    Me: “Yes! Most of the time the girls get higher grades than the boys because they check their work better before they turn it in.”

    Granny: “But girls can’t do that kind of hard math.”

    Me: “Granny, I’m a girl, and I’m teaching ‘that kind of hard math!’”

    A Grand Introduction

    | FL, USA | Children, Grandparents

    (My parents and I are picking up my half-brother from his grandparents in Florida. I’ve never had grandfathers as they both passed away before I was born. My half-brother’s grandfather is a gigantic man with a serious face, and sometimes intimidates even my mother. I have social anxiety and am four years old.)

    Me: *staring up at my half-brother’s grandfather*

    Grandfather: *stares down at me*

    Mom: “Oh, don’t do that. You’ll scare her!”

    Grandfather: “She doesn’t look very scared to me…”

    Me: *looks around at everyone* “Why does big brother get to have a grandfather?! I don’t have a grandfather!” *walks up to my half-brother’s grandfather* “Will you be my grandfather?”

    Grandfather: *slowly smiles* “Yes. Yes, I will.”

    (And that’s how I finally got a grandfather.)

    Misses The Time When A Drink Was Just A Drink

    | UK | Children, Grandparents, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (My teenage daughter, my mother, and I are in a cafe when my daughter notices a QR code on her slushy drink. She tries to scan it with her phone, but for some reason it won’t work.)

    Daughter: “Mum, can you try?”

    Me: “Yep, give it here.” *I try and scan it several times, but there’s obviously a problem as the scanner can’t pick it up*

    Mum: “What are you doing?”

    Daughter: “Trying to scan the QR code. I think it’s got an error.”

    Mum: “What’s a QR code?”

    Daughter: “It’s this here.” *she points at it* “You scan it with a reader.”

    Me: “It links you to a website.”

    Mum: *looking completely blank* “… Okay.”

    Me: “We’re talking Greek, aren’t we?”

    Mum: “Yeah. You are.”

    A Rash Diagnosis

    | USA | Grandparents, Sons & Daughters

    (I am told a story from when my mother was 14 years old. My grandfather is a doctor, and has a quirky sense of humor. People often don’t know if he’s kidding or not. My mother has a rash. Naturally, she goes to him to see what it is and what to do about it.)

    Grandfather: “Oh, my God! What is that?!”

    Mother: “What? What?”

    Grandfather: “Honey, I don’t know how to break this to you, but you only have six months to live.”

    Mother: “What?!”

    Grandfather: *laughing* “Nah, I’m just kidding. It’s a rash. I’ll give you some ointment for it. It’ll be gone in a few days.”

    (My mother bursts into tears and runs from the room. You’d think he would have learned his lesson, but 20 years later, he managed to convince my sister that her heat rash was really ‘monkeypox’ and casually told her there was no cure for it. Thankfully, he doesn’t talk to his real patients that way!)

    Don’t Be Left Holding The Baby

    | Germany | Children, Grandparents, Parents & Guardians, Siblings, Top

    (My uncle’s wife gave birth to her first child a few months earlier. This is the first baby in the family since I was born. I already have made it clear that I’ll never have children, something my family has a hard time accepting.)

    Aunt: *holding my little cousin* “Come on. Take and hold her for a moment!”

    Me: “I have no idea how to hold a child. I’ll drop her.”

    Aunt: “No! Take her!”

    (She shoves my cousin into my arms and leaves the room. I immediately put her down because I’m uncomfortable holding children. My grandma enters.)

    Grandma: “Why aren’t you holding your cousin!”

    Me: “Granny, you know I don’t like holding children. They’re so fragile. I’m scared I’ll break something.”

    Grandma: “You have to learn this for when you have children yourself!”

    (She shoves my cousin back into my arms and leaves the room. I put her down again. My mom enters.)

    Mom: “See, it’s not so bad holding children… Wait. You’re not holding her.”

    Me: “No, I’m not, and the next time one of you tries to shove this child into my arms there’s a high chance I’ll throw her out the window.”

    (My mom starts shouting about how I could say something like that. My sister enters.)

    Sister: “Hey, [My Name], do you still think children are annoying?”

    Me: “Yup. But apparently, in this family, most of them become even more annoying as they get older.”


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