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    Category: Grandparents

    A Step Too Far

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Cousins, Grandparents

    (My uncle is married to a woman who already has a son from a previous relationship. Our family has been very accepting of them, including my grandma, who took it a step too far.)

    Grandma: “Boys, I brought a family photo album of your dads when they were kids. You want to see?”

    Me: “Sure, Grandma.”

    (My grandma shows me pictures of my dad when he was little. Then she starts showing pictures of my uncle to my new step-cousin.)

    Grandma: “And over here is your daddy, [Step-Cousin]. You look just like him!”

    Step-Cousin: “Uh, okay…”

    Deathly Funny

    | Medford, MA, USA | Children, Grandchildren, Grandparents

    (I am seven years old. It is my grandma’s 73rd birthday. I always make a card instead of buying one.)

    Me: “Here, Gramma!”

    Card: “Happy Birthday Grammy! I can’t believe you’re 73 and not dead yet. I still love you.”

    (My grandma starts laughing hysterically.)

    Mom: “What’s so funny?”

    Grandma: “Look at what your son gave me.”

    (My mom starts laughing. Everyone starts coming over to see what’s so funny. With everyone laughing at my gift, I start to get mad. I wasn’t trying to be funny. That’s just how I was.)

    Grandma: “Oh, [My Name]. I love my gift. This one’s a keeper.”

    (14 years later, my grandma died at the ripe old age of 87. My mom and I were cleaning out her place. I found that card in a drawer alongside other keepsakes like my grandpa’s (who had died 20 years prior) license. That one was a keeper indeed.)

    A Catalog Of Errors

    | Norway | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My father, half-brother and I are visiting my paternal grandparents. My grandmother knows my mom doesn’t have a lot of money to spare, so she often hands me mail order catalogs to look for clothes in, which she’ll sometimes order. My brother, being five years younger than me, wants to do everything his older sister does.)

    Brother: “Hey, are you done? I want to read, too.”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I hand him the catalog and pick up another one. After a while, my brother looks at me.)

    Brother: “Hey, big sis, what are these?”

    (He shows me the page he’s on. Half of it has pictures of different sex toys, along with short descriptions.)

    Me: *thinking quickly* “Ask Dad.”

    Brother: “Dad, what are these?”

    (Our dad, being open about this stuff, launches into a correct, but child appropriate, explanation. My brother listens, occasionally looking at the page. Our grandmother listens in horror.)

    Grandmother: “I did not realize [Company] put these things in their catalogs!”

    Me: “I think they have for a while? I’ve noticed before, but I haven’t thought about it.”

    Brother: *is silent for a moment after our dad’s explanation, then reads out loud* “Rotating and vibrating…”

    (My father, grandfather, and I broke into laughter, while my grandmother looked even more horrified.)

    Toothless Words Of Wisdom

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Grandparents

    (It is a few days before I am scheduled to have all four of my wisdom teeth removed. I am at my home when my grandmother calls me after talking with my mother about it.)

    Grandmother: “Your mother just told me that you are getting all of your wisdom teeth taken out at the same time?”

    Me: “Yeah. My teeth came in straight and not impacted, so they won’t be difficult to remove.”

    Grandmother: “That’s outrageous! I can believe they are going to do that to you!”

    Me: “But they are straight. The recovery should be minimal.”

    Grandmother: “No, no. You are going to be in so much pain and it’s only a week before Thanksgiving. You aren’t going to be able to eat anything there and you are just going to be sad and miserable!”

    (Pause.)

    Grandmother: “How are you doing, anyway?”

    Me: “Well, I was fine before you called.”

    Grandmother: *laughing hysterically*

    (I was fine after the extraction. I never even took my pain medication and by Thanksgiving, I had recovered enough to enjoy the meal just fine.)

    New Spin On Spinach

    | NJ, USA | Grandchildren, Grandparents

    (It is Thanksgiving. I am seven and my little brother is three. My great-grandma is trying to convince my brother to eat his vegetables.)

    Great-Grandma: “Eat your spinach. It’s good for you.”

    Brother: “Nope. I don’t like it.”

    Great-Grandma: “It will make you strong. Popeye eats his spinach.”

    Brother: “Only in emergencies!”


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