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    Category: Grandparents

    Grandpa Can’t Go With The Flow

    | NY, USA | Grandparents

    (While my wife and I are visiting my grandfather, she got an early visit from ‘Aunt Flo’ in the middle of the night. Ever the supportive husband, I agree to go out to the store for the needed supplies. Unfortunately, I don’t know the code for grandpa’s security system, so I have to wake him to get it. Also unfortunately, he’s extremely hard of hearing, and has taken out his hearing aid for bed.)

    Grandpa: “Huh, what? What’s wrong?”

    Me: “I need the code for the door.”

    Grandpa: “What?”

    Me:“I NEED THE CODE FOR THE DOOR!”

    Grandpa: “No, the alarm is on.”

    Me: “I KNOW. I NEED TO GO OUT, SO I NEED THE CODE.”

    Grandpa: “Oh. Where you going? It’s late.”

    Me: “THE DRUGSTORE.”

    Grandpa: “You don’t need to go out. I have whatever you need.”

    Me: “I DON’T THINK SO, GRANDPA.”

    Grandpa: “I have a whole closet of pills; what do you need?”

    Me: “TAMPONS!”

    Grandpa: “…oh. I don’t have those. Is there anything that would make a good substitute?”

    Me: “NOT REALLY, GRANDPA.”

    Grandpa: “Oh. The code is *****.”

    Grandchildren Can Be A Real Headache

    | OH, USA | Grandchildren, Grandparents

    (Our grandsons have the bad habit of talking over other conversations. Occasionally, a migraine makes it hard for me to concentrate on either speaker. My husband is talking to me when our four-year-old grandson interrupts.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, [Grandson], I can only listen to one person at a time today and it was Papa’s turn. Did you say something important?”

    Grandson: “Yeah. I always do.”

    Preparing For Her Final Bark

    | USA | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians

    (I am on the phone with my mother, who is at my grandmother’s house. We’re talking about her aging dog.)

    Mom: “She’s getting pretty old. I’m not sure how much longer she’ll be around.”

    Grandmother: “Are you talking about me?!”

    Meet The Lecters

    | Brazil | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Grandparents, Parents & Guardians, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m visiting my girlfriend’s family. I’ve visited them a few times in the past so they all know who I am. On this day, I want to cook my family’s favorite dish. As a result, I have everyone else leave in order not to spoil what it is. Once done, I put down two giant pots on the kitchen table.)

    Me: “Hey, everyone! Food’s ready!”

    (They all sit down and look confused at the stew I’ve made but no one says anything. They all quietly eat and quickly enjoys it. Once done, her father turns towards me.)

    Father: “Hey, [My Name], what was that?”

    Me: “… You’re better off not knowing.”

    Father: “Huh? Why not?”

    Girlfriend: “Yeah, come on, [My Name]! I wanna know, too!”

    Me: “It… was a liver stew, all right? It was my first attempt at making it solo, so I realize it wasn’t as good as it should have been.”

    (Everyone turns silent and stares at me, then at their plates, then back to me.)

    Grandmother: “C-Can I have… the recipe for this? I’d like to create it again.”

    Me: “Wait. Not one of you guys is bothered by the fact that we’ve eaten liver?”

    Girlfriend: “Should we be? It was tasty!”

    Me: “… I love this family.”

    (I officially became part of it by marrying my girlfriend two-and-a-half months ago. Whenever we show up, they always nag at me to make another batch of liver stew for them.)

    An Ugly Choice Of Words

    | Germany | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians

    (My grandma on my mother’s side is known for being very strict, old-fashioned, and cranky. She was especially harsh on my mother while she was a child. One of the smaller things she’d do is every time my mother misbehaved, she’d tell her not to ‘be so ugly.’ All of this has caused quite some confidence and self-image problems with my mum, which my father knows about. I am about five years old when this happens, and already a very shy child.)

    Me: *in a small fight with my older brother*

    Grandma: “Don’t treat your brother like that! Don’t be so horribly ugly!”

    Dad: “Listen to your grandma. She obviously knows a lot about being ugly.”

    (My grandma just stared at him. She never called me ugly again. Dad got the biggest kiss ever from my mum later that day!)


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