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    Category: Grandparents

    The Beastly Gloves Are Off

    | FL, USA | Grandparents

    (My cousins and I have a tradition that for Halloween we all make our costumes and there will be a theme. This year it’s Disney characters. My favorite is Gaston so I make his tunic, gloves, tights, and even make a belt instead of buying one. The family is at my house for a get together and I put on my costume to show them.)

    Grandma: “Oh, look at that pretty dress you made! Such a talented girl.”

    Me: “Thanks, grandma. It’s my Halloween costume. I’m going as Gaston.”

    Grandma: “Gaston, isn’t he a boy?”

    Me: “Yeah, but I’ve got the right proportions. He’s got a big chest and little waist so it works.”

    Grandma: “[Father], did you know your daughter is dressing up as a BOY for Halloween?”

    Father: “Mom, she’s a big girl. She can be whatever she wants.”

    Grandma: “But a BOY! That’s unheard of! She’s a girl and should be dressing up as a girl.”

    Me: “Okay, fine, grandma. I’ll go put on a girl costume.”

    (I go into my room and take off the gloves that go with the costume before going back out.)

    Grandma: “There we go! A proper girl outfit. Such a pretty dress, too. So beautiful!”

    (No one tries too hard to hide their laughter and we still talk about how the manliest part of my costume was the gloves.)


    A Very Minute Visit

    | NC, USA | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians

    (My parents are talking about my grandmother’s upcoming visit from overseas. I am playing a timed game.)

    Mom: “So how long will grandmother be here for?”

    (I just beat my time and yell out about it.)

    Me: “Less than a minute!”

    Dad: “Less than a minute!”

    Making It Pretty Obvious

    | Brazil | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians

    (Once, when the topic of who looks like whom in the family, my aunt told me about the time she, her mother, and her maternal grandmother were discussing who my aunt looks like.)

    Mother: “Oh, you look so much like your paternal grandmother when she was younger!”

    Maternal Grandmother: *pauses for a second* “No way. Your paternal grandmother was way prettier than you.”

    Severe Lack Of Knowledge

    | WA, USA | Grandparents

    (I’m a college student majoring in philosophy. I’m telling my grandfather about my classes.)

    Me: “And I’m taking a class in epistemology—”

    Grandfather: “Wait, what?”

    Me: “Epistemology. It’s the study of knowledge, basically.”

    Grandfather: “Then why didn’t you say study of knowledge?”

    Me: “I did. By saying epistemology.”

    Grandfather: “You know what I thought that was?”

    Me: “What?”

    Grandfather: “The study of pissing!”

    Wanna Get High (Up North)

    | OH, USA | Grandparents

    (I am driving back to my grandma’s house after she had a doctor appointment. We are driving down a country road when we see a car that seems lost. I see their car plates.)

    Me: “Oh, they’re from Canada!”

    Grandma: “Must be drug dealers.”

    Me: “What? Why are they drug dealers? They could just be a couple of people lost.”

    Grandma: “People from Canada come to the United States all the time to sell drugs.”

    (Later my grandma’s insurance man has come to the house to speak with her.)

    Grandma: “So, I’ve seen two drug dealers today…”

    Me: *face palm*

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