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    Category: Grandparents

    My Imaginary Eye

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Children, Grandchildren, Grandparents

    (Every week my family has a nice dinner out with my parents. We are driving home with everyone in the car. We are teaching my four- and five-year-old daughters to play ‘I spy.’ It is night and dark so the game is a little more challenging than usual.)

    Five-Year-Old: “I spy with my eye something that starts with ‘A’”

    (After a few moments.)

    Me: “We give up. What do you see that starts with ‘A’?”

    Five-Year-Old: *looks around a moment* “Well, you can use your imagination!”

    (Cue laughter in the car.)

    Grandpa: “What about ‘upholstery’…?”

    Going Head-First Into Your Innuendo

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Grandparents, Siblings

    (My family is having dinner at a restaurant for Mother’s Day. I’m sitting with my brother and sister opposite our grandpa.)

    Grandpa: *pouring beer* “Oops, too much head.”

    Brother: “Are you practicing your beer-pouring skills so you can be a barman?”

    Grandpa: “No, I don’t think I’ll be able to work a bar with this dismal effort.”

    Me: *muttering* “It’s got more head than a high school football player.”

    Brother & Sister: *laughing so hard they’re crying*

    (My stepdad was laughing too hard to tell us off.)

    Never Too Old To Fight For What’s Right

    | NH, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Grandparents, LGTBQ, Top

    (I don’t have a grandfather of my own as they both passed away before I was born. My cousin’s grandfather has come on vacation with us. They call him papaw. I’ve never really called him anything because I’m not sure what to call him as he’s not my grandfather and I’m not exactly sure how he feels about me. I’ve recently come out as gay and have brought my girlfriend with us on the trip. We’re listening to the radio and there’s some controversial story about gay rights being debated about.)

    Papaw: “D*** all these gays! This crap is annoying!”

    Uncle: “Dad!”

    Papaw: “What? This gay rights crap is getting old. I’ll never see anything settled in my lifetime so why should I have to hear about it everywhere I go? I’m sick of it!”

    Me: “Um, my girlfriend and I are sitting right here.”

    Papaw: “You don’t count.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Papaw: “Because you’re my granddaughter and I’ll always fight for or beside you no matter what we’re fighting for.”

    (He’s since passed away but I couldn’t have asked for a better grandfather.)

    The Beastly Gloves Are Off

    | FL, USA | Grandparents

    (My cousins and I have a tradition that for Halloween we all make our costumes and there will be a theme. This year it’s Disney characters. My favorite is Gaston so I make his tunic, gloves, tights, and even make a belt instead of buying one. The family is at my house for a get together and I put on my costume to show them.)

    Grandma: “Oh, look at that pretty dress you made! Such a talented girl.”

    Me: “Thanks, grandma. It’s my Halloween costume. I’m going as Gaston.”

    Grandma: “Gaston, isn’t he a boy?”

    Me: “Yeah, but I’ve got the right proportions. He’s got a big chest and little waist so it works.”

    Grandma: “[Father], did you know your daughter is dressing up as a BOY for Halloween?”

    Father: “Mom, she’s a big girl. She can be whatever she wants.”

    Grandma: “But a BOY! That’s unheard of! She’s a girl and should be dressing up as a girl.”

    Me: “Okay, fine, grandma. I’ll go put on a girl costume.”

    (I go into my room and take off the gloves that go with the costume before going back out.)

    Grandma: “There we go! A proper girl outfit. Such a pretty dress, too. So beautiful!”

    (No one tries too hard to hide their laughter and we still talk about how the manliest part of my costume was the gloves.)

     

    A Very Minute Visit

    | NC, USA | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians

    (My parents are talking about my grandmother’s upcoming visit from overseas. I am playing a timed game.)

    Mom: “So how long will grandmother be here for?”

    (I just beat my time and yell out about it.)

    Me: “Less than a minute!”

    Dad: “Less than a minute!”


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