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    Category: Grandparents

    Won’t Depart Until You’ve Urn’ed It

    | Scania, Sweden | Grandparents

    (My great-grandmother, a very energetic woman, died on New Year’s Eve at the age of 94. She requested to have her ashes planted in the sea off the coast of her childhood home. In May, it’s time for the ceremony, and it’s a very beautiful one. When we’ve said our good-byes, it’s time to plant the urn in the water. Grandpa drops the urn carefully- and can’t manage to make it sink. He struggles with this for several minutes.)

    Grandpa: Well, she was an exceptional swimmer…

    (Eventually, we just removed the lid and scooped water into the urn to make it sink. Good to know that even when she’d died, great-grandma still had her sense of humour!)

    Might Have A Liquorice Problem

    | GA, USA | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians

    (I am about six years old at the time, and I’m quite sick. My mother and grandmother have given me a children’s dose of [Brand Cold Medicine].)

    Me: *drinking the medicine and making a bad face* “Ugh, this tastes like liquor!”

    Mom: “Liquor!?!”

    Me: “Yeah, the yucky kind of liquor!”

    Grandmother: “Where on earth did you get liquor!?!”

    Mom: “And who gave it to you!?!”

    Me: “You know, when we went to [Local Ice Cream Bar that has a variety of toppings] and I wanted the red liquor pieces that I like, but I also tried the black liquor and it was really nasty. This stuff tastes like the black liquor!”

    Mom: “Oh, licorice!”

    (Both started laughing. It was many years before I realized why my mother and grandmother looked ready to kill someone over a six-year-old having licorice!)

    Pigs Will Fly Before She Understands

    | Joplin, MO, USA | Grandparents, Siblings

    (My little sister has recently become a vegetarian and our grandmother is having some trouble grasping this concept. This occurs during breakfast.)

    Grandma: “[Sister], can you eat biscuits and eggs?”

    Sister: “Yes, just no meat.”

    Grandma: “Well, go ahead and grab some sausage and bacon. There’s plenty to go around…”

    Sunshine Is The Keystone To Their Argument

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Cousins, Grandparents

    (My cousin has the misfortune of scoping out potential wedding venues during the polar vortex. Though they’re having the wedding in Pennsylvania, where both their extended families live, she and her fiancé live in Tampa, Florida.)

    Grandpa: “So, when are you coming back?”

    Cousin: *brightly* “We’ll be up again for Easter.”

    Grandpa: “No, when are you coming back for good?”

    Cousin: *guilty* “Um…”

    Me: *showing them both the current Tampa weather on my smartphone* “It’s 60 in Tampa right now. It’s 10 here. I’m sorry, Grandpa. They’re never coming back.”

    Literally Sick Of Lectures

    | SC, USA | Grandparents, Siblings

    (My brother, 11, broke his wrist, and is anything but careful with it. Today, he is climbing on something.)

    Nana: “[Brother], you’re gonna hurt your arm! You—”

    Brother: “AAAAGH! Stop lecturing me! If everyone doesn’t stop lecturing me I’m gonna die of overlecturedosis!”


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