• Getting Him Out Of His Shell Dude - 261 votes
  • November Theme Of The Month: Thanksgiving!

    Category: Grandparents

    All The Single Maladies

    | PA, USA | Grandparents

    (Despite the fact that neither of us even wanted to do it, my grandmother grabbed both me and my youngest sister and outright forced us to go catch the bouquet at my aunt and uncle’s wedding. Instead of making any attempt to catch it, we both backed as far away as possible so that we had no chance of ever catching it. My grandmother was downright furious when she saw this.)

    Grandmother: “What’s wrong with you? You could have been the next to be married!”

    Me: “I’m single and have no interest in finding someone anytime soon, and she’s only nine. If we’re really the next to get engaged, there’s going to be a lot of disappointed single women in our family for the next several years!”

    Getting Him Out Of His Shell Dude

    | OH, USA | Grandchildren, Grandparents

    (Our older grandson has always been a fan of “Finding Nemo.” One day, when he was at the animal noises stage, we were playing that game in the car.)

    Me: “What does a cow say?”

    Grandson: “Moo.”

    Grandfather: “What does the pig say?”

    Grandson: “Oink.”

    (And so on until…)

    Me: “What does the turtle say?”

    Grandson: “Duuuude!”

    You Won’t Get A Betta Explanation

    | PA, USA | Grandparents

    (Our favorite pet store is closing and everything is on sale as a result. I decide to get a discounted betta fish and start looking at the tanks on sale. I already own two of them.)

    Grandmother: “Why do you need another tank? Can’t you just put it in with one of your other two?”

    (There is a beat as I just stare at her.)

    Me: “You realize there’s a reason they call them fighting fish, right?”

    Grandmother: “No?”

    Me: “I’ll give you a hint… It’s not because they’re world renowned experts of Tai Chi.”

    Needs To Can That Attitude

    | Sweden | Grandparents

    (Whenever our local soccer team plays games, I usually work in the kiosk. We have separate containers for trash and soda cans, but despite having a large sign over the can container that clearly says “CANS ONLY!”, people always throw regular trash in it anyway. One of these games is unusually hectic; There’s a huge audience, and I get a lot of customers. This results in tons of trash among the cans. A small child, about five-six years old, and his grandfather are about to throw away an empty bag of chips.)

    Grandfather: “Throw it in there.” *points to can container*

    Child: “But grandpa, it says ‘cans only.’ Shouldn’t we throw it in there instead?” *points to correct trashcan*

    Grandfather: “Why? It’s not our job! Leave it to those who work here!” *glances at me and smirks*

    (People with attitudes like that are probably the reason why we always have to sort out the trash from the cans after every game. Thanks for giving us work we shouldn’t have to do, old man.)

    A Primeval Attitude

    | USA | Grandparents

    (I’m watching an English science fiction show on TV. My super religious grandmother walks in and overhears one of the characters exclaiming that they’ve found proof that evolution is real.)

    Grandmother: “I don’t want you watching this show anymore!”

    Me: “Why?”

    Grandmother: “Because it’s attempting to teach you evolution!”

    Me: “Um, no, it’s not.”

    Grandmother: “Yes, it is! He just said that they found proof that evolution exists!”

    Me: “Yeah, and the ‘proof’ that evolution exists is that dinosaurs and monsters from the future are coming through magic portals through space and time that don’t actually exist in real life. Saying that’s proof of evolution is like saying Superman comics are proof that aliens exist.”

    Grandmother: “…Well, I’m telling your mother anyway.”

    Me: “Also, I’m 23 and I’m sure my mom will agree that I’m old enough to make informed decisions on my own whether or not evolution really exists. And before you freak out on me again, I don’t actually believe in evolution.”

    (She told my mom anyway and my mom just told her the same thing I did. My mom and I ended up watching the show together.)

    Floppy With The Jargon

    | Roseville, CA, USA | Grandparents

    (I make the mistake of using technical jargon while talking to my grandmother.)

    Me: *half under a desk* “Grandma, do you have an extra ethernet cable?”

    Grandmother: “I think so…” *looks in a box and then hands me a 20-year-old unopened box of 3.5in floppy disks.*

    Me: “Uh… close enough?”

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