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    Category: Grandparents

    What Is This Smelly Madness?!

    | Allentown, PA, USA | Grandparents

    (I collect plastic models of dragons, animals, and prehistoric creatures, every single one of which has a name, and just got a kaprosuchus from my grandmother. Note that my grandmother is hard of hearing.)

    Grandmother: “So what are you going to name it?”

    Me: “His name’s Sparta.”

    Grandmother: “You named it Farta?!”

    Me: “Yeah… that’s totally what I named him, because I’m, like, five years old…”

    Grandmother: “Well, I’m not calling it that!”

    (She’s still under the impression that I now own a plastic crocodile named Farta…)

    Extinction Does Indeed Stink

    | Denver, CO, USA | Grandparents

    (I am about four, riding with my grandma as we pass an animal shelter.)

    Grandma: “So what do you want for your birthday?”

    Me: “A unicorn!”

    Grandma: “Oh, honey. I think unicorns are extinct.”

    Me: “That’s okay, Grandma. I’ll give it a bath!”

    Needs You To Go Run For The Maze

    | OH, USA | Grandparents

    Grandma: “I really liked that Maze Runner Book.”

    Me: “That’s good!”

    Grandma: “There is a second one?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Grandma: “Will you go out and get it for me?”

    Me: “No; it’s nine at night!”

    Grandma: “So?”

    Me: “I have to be at work at six tomorrow! I will get it tomorrow after work.”

    Grandma: “But I can’t wait that long.”

    Sleep Talking And Flying And Mailing

    | Fiji | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians

    (Although we live in the US, we have decided to travel to Fiji for a 14-day trip over the summer. I am about 12, and my 50-something-year-old father, and my 79-year-old grandmother are with me. By the time we reach our resort, we’ve spent about 24 hours traveling. My grandmother instantly falls asleep, while I’m reading in the next bed over.)

    Dad: *walks in from his room* “Would you like to get a snack?”

    Grandma: *sits up and opens her eyes* “Aren’t you going to get the mail?”

    Dad & Me: “We’re in Fiji.”

    Grandma: “I know, aren’t you getting the mail?”

    Dad: “Mom, we’re in Fiji.”

    Grandma: “Aren’t we having it forwarded?”

    (Soon, she goes to the bathroom and comes back with no recollection of the conversation. Dad later confesses he thought she had a stroke. A couple years later in Hawaii my grandma and I are sharing a room. I’m listening to music and reading while she naps. Suddenly sits up and says something to me, eyes wide open.)

    Me: *takes out earbuds* “I didn’t hear you, sorry. What did you say?”

    Grandma: “Where’s the pudding?” *we don’t have any pudding, nor is she particularly fond of it*

    Me: “We don’t have any pudding.”

    Grandma: “I want my pudding!”

    (She rolled right over and fell asleep. She didn’t remember that conversation either, and refuses to believe she talks in her sleep!)

    Half Price On Milk And Honey

    | Allentown, PA, USA | Grandparents

    (My grandmother and I see a man leaving the grocery store with a shirt that says “Gone to the Promised Land.”)

    Me: “Is [Grocery Store] the Promised Land?”

    Grandmother: “No. Not even close.”

    Me: “But they have milk and honey!”

    Stuck On The Letter ‘S’

    | VA, USA | Grandparents

    (I’m about one or two years old and I’m at my grandparent’s house sitting in an old wicker chair.)

    Me: “I tuck.”

    Grandma: “What? Tuck?”

    Me: “Tuck! Tuck! I tuck!”

    Grandma: “What do you want sweetie? Do you want juice? Your blankie?”

    Me: “I tuck!”

    (Later she figured out that my leg was stuck in the chair, and learned that I couldn’t pronounce the letter ‘S.’)

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