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    Category: Grandchildren

    New Spin On Spinach

    | NJ, USA | Grandchildren, Grandparents

    (It is Thanksgiving. I am seven and my little brother is three. My great-grandma is trying to convince my brother to eat his vegetables.)

    Great-Grandma: “Eat your spinach. It’s good for you.”

    Brother: “Nope. I don’t like it.”

    Great-Grandma: “It will make you strong. Popeye eats his spinach.”

    Brother: “Only in emergencies!”

    Babysitting On A Knife-Edge

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Grandchildren, Grandparents, Siblings, Theme Of The Month

    (My sister often wonders how her husband and his sister survived childhood. Time and time again her in-laws prove that they should not be in charge of small children. It’s my niece’s first birthday. We are getting the cake ready.)

    Sister: *to me* “They are demanding that I let them take [Niece] home for a few days. I keep saying no, but they are claiming it’s their right as grandparents. I am not comfortable with that.”

    (We light the candle and take it to Niece, who is being held by her dad. He helps her blow out the candle.)

    Niece’s Grandfather: “She has to cut the cake!” *shoves a carving knife with an eight-inch long sharp blade into niece’s hand*

    Niece: “YAYYYYYYY!”

    (My niece flings her arm back, brandishing the knife, straight towards her dad’s face. He manages to dodge out of the way. My sister grabs the knife out of the baby’s hand.)

    Sister: “Are you a f****** idiot? Why would you give that to [Niece]?”

    Grandfather: “She needed to cut the cake.”

    Sister: “She’s one year old, you gave her a sharp knife, and she almost killed [Husband] with it.”

    (The grandfather, still oblivious to what he did, storms off. Our older sister comes up to us afterwards.)

    Older Sister: “What happened? [Grandfather] is complaining about how [Sister] spoke to him.”

    (We explain what happened.)

    Sister: “Is it any wonder why I refuse to let them take [Niece] home? They do things like this all the time!”

    My Imaginary Eye

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Children, Grandchildren, Grandparents

    (Every week my family has a nice dinner out with my parents. We are driving home with everyone in the car. We are teaching my four- and five-year-old daughters to play ‘I spy.’ It is night and dark so the game is a little more challenging than usual.)

    Five-Year-Old: “I spy with my eye something that starts with ‘A’”

    (After a few moments.)

    Me: “We give up. What do you see that starts with ‘A’?”

    Five-Year-Old: *looks around a moment* “Well, you can use your imagination!”

    (Cue laughter in the car.)

    Grandpa: “What about ‘upholstery’…?”

    A Cornell Deaf Knell

    | Roseville, CA, USA | Grandchildren

    (I am eating lunch with my grandparents. They are in their late 80′s and my grandfather is nearly deaf. He is sharing about the time he spent at Cornell University.)

    Me: “I know someone who used to work at Cornell.”

    Grandfather: “Really? What did he do?”

    Me: “He’s a chemist.”

    Grandfather: “He does table tennis!?”

    Me: “No, he’s a chemist!”

    Grandfather: “Okay… What does Dennis do?”

    Victimising Your Sibling

    | OH, USA | Children, Grandchildren

    (After drawing a bath for my grandsons, I call out:)

    Me: “Okay, first victim!”

    (Without knowing to what I was referring, the younger boy says:)

    Younger Grandson: “That would be [Older Grandson]!”


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