(My fiancé’s 12-year-old nephew and his friend are playing a video game in another room. We overhear their conversation.)

Nephew’s Friend: “It’s bad that you have two uncles.”

Nephew: “Why’s that? They love each other.”

Nephew’s Friend: “Well, you’ll never have any cousins.”

Nephew: “So what!? Uncle [my name] has a dog! A dog is better than any stupid cousin.”

(I’m in the living room. My daughter is playing in the apartment next door with her best friend. She bursts into the living room.)

Daughter: “Mom! Mom! Can I go down on [little girl who lives next door] at the pool?”

Me: “What?”

Daughter: “Yeah, [neighbor] said she’d take us to the pool if you said it was okay! Can I take my water noodle?”

Me: “Oh, you want to go down to the pool with your friend?”

Daughter: “Yeah, isn’t that what I said?”

Me: “Remind me to have a long talk about the importance of prepositions when you get back.”

(I am a senior in high school. I am having a study session at my home with two of my friends. My dad appears in the study doorway.)

Dad: “Hey, hey, look!”

(He points at his sock, which has a hole in the toe.)

Dad: “Topeka!”

(I laugh, as does one of my friends. The other looks stunned as my dad grins big and leaves.)

Friend #1: “I love your dad.”

Friend #2: “I thought my dad was the only one who did things like that…”

(My best friend is in the foster system, and has just been placed with a young couple. He’s terrified of telling them he’s gay, because the last family he told that threw him out. I go over to their house the day he decides to tell them.)

Friend: “So… I have to talk to you about something.”

Foster Mom: “Sure, what’s up?”

(His foster dad turns around.)

Friend: “I’m… gay.”

Foster Mom: “Okay, do you want permission to go to the pride festival this weekend or something?”

Friend: “Um, no, I… people don’t usually react well to that. That was it.”

Foster Dad: “Oh, okay. I’m hungry.”

Foster Mom: “Let’s all four of us go out to eat!”

(That was how he came out to his foster family. He aged out of the system with them, and when he had a civil ceremony with his partner, they threw him a pretty awesome party.)

(I am out as a lesbian to my entire family, with the exception of my 77-year-old grandmother, at the request of my mother. My grandmother is visiting, and my mother openly discusses my girlfriend in front of my grandmother. I later confront her about it.)

Me: “Hey mom, does Gram know I have a girlfriend?”

Mom: “No.”

Me: “Oh, I didn’t know if she had caught on, or—”

Mom: “She just thinks you have a really close friend.”

Me: “She must think we’re really close.”

Mom: “Yeah, she’s a little confused, but she would be even more confused if you tried to come out to her. I don’t think she would understand it anyway. We’ll just let her keep thinking that you share a bed with all of your friends.”

Related:
Let’s Put This Issue To Bed