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    Category: Friends

    Try Not To Make A Meal Out Of It

    | USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians

    (My mother is very strict and after much pleading, she allows me to play at a friend’s. I’m seven years old.)

    Mom: “Now, if they offer you food, DON’T TAKE IT! Who knows what kind of chemicals they put in their food.”

    Me: “But I’m not going there to eat. I’m going to play.”

    Mom: “Just say you won’t eat anything there! Otherwise, you can’t go and we’re turning around right now!”

    (Scared that she would change her mind about letting me play with a friend, I agree that I won’t. My mom drops me off and my friend shows me to her room where we play games. A few hours pass and my friend’s mom calls out for us.)

    Friend’s Mom: “Dinner time! You too, [My Name]!”

    Me: “Um… I can’t.”

    (They all look at me like I’m crazy, looking very offended.)

    Friend: “Why not?”

    Me: “I promised my mom that I wouldn’t. Otherwise she’ll never let me play at someone’s house again…”

    (They look very shocked and start eating, while I watch with my stomach rumbling in hunger. It is extremely awkward and I can tell that they’re offended. Finally my mom comes to pick me up.)

    Mom: “How was it? Did you have fun?”

    Me: “I guess. They offered me food but I didn’t take any. I think they were insulted.”

    Mom: “… Oh. It’s okay!”

    (Even 15 years later, I still remind my mom about that when I want to point out how old fashioned her thinking is and every time she claims not to remember.)

    Bad Doll Models

    | Austria | Children, Friends, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I am eight years old. It’s Christmas time. Note that my parents always made a point of raising us gender-neutral. Also note that I spent the weekend watching an ‘Alaskan Gold Rush Special’ with my grandmother. My mom’s best friend gives us a gift of Barbie dolls and accessories.)

    Mom: “Did it have to be Barbies? They are such a bad example for little girls.”

    Friend: “But Barbie always has a job. There is even a pilot Barbie.”

    Mom: “All right…  So, girls, what job do your Barbies have?”

    Five-Year-Old Sister: “She is a princess!”

    Me: “Mine is a gold-digger!”

    (Mom snatches the dolls away from us, growling.)

    Universal Translator Not Required

    | USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (My dad and I are huge nerds. My friend has been overseas in the army for two years and is finally back so he’s hanging out with us watching a movie. I’ve seen the movie already so to keep from ruining it for my friend I’ve been asking my dad about the actors.)

    Me: “Is that they guy from Star Trek?”

    Dad: “That guy? Yeah. He’s the one who wore the robe.”

    Me: “And had that head thing!”

    Dad: “Yeah, but he wasn’t the one with the hands!”

    Me: “I thought so!”

    Friend: “I’m not sure whether to be impressed or utterly terrified that I understood that conversation.”

    Trying To Wrestle With The Meaning

    | Canada | Children, Friends, Themed Giveaway

    (A friend has come to visit and he has brought his three-year-old son, who is heavily into wrestling. While we’re talking and having a drink, we decide to let his son watch wrestling on TV in the next room over. My friend is telling me a story from when he was a teen when his son runs into the room.)

    Friend’s Son: “Daddy! Daddy!”

    Friend: “Yes, [Friend’s Son]?”

    (His son immediately puts on a devilish grin and his voice drops to a low whisper.)

    Friend’s Son: “Follow the buzzaaaards…”

    (He then proceeding to giggle evilly before running back into the other room. It turns out that ‘follow the buzzards’ is the catch-phrase that one of the wrestlers on his show uses a lot, but it left me rather scared and unnerved until I found that out!)

    When Life Gives You Lemons…

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Children, Friends, Sons & Daughters

    (I am babysitting my neighbour’s children who are seven and eight years old. They are the type of children who tell their mum anything and everything. We are playing on the front lawn outside my house. We have several lemon trees that hardly ever produce lemons anymore but today there happens to be one lemon growing on one of the trees. It’s still green and obviously not ripe enough to pick.)

    Seven-Year-Old: *notices the lemon and points to it excitedly* “Can we pick it!”

    Me: “No, [Seven-Year-Old], not yet. It’s still green which means it’s not ready yet.”

    Seven-Year-Old: *suddenly looks very guilty and starts laughing*

    Me: “What is it?”

    Seven-Year-Old: “Once when you were away my mum took one of your lemons off the tree.” *collapses into a fit of giggles*

    Me: “What lemon?”

    (I have no idea what she’s talking about but suddenly I have a light-bulb moment and have a great plan.)

    Me: “Oh, THAT lemon!” *I pretend to act deeply upset* “We were looking forward to that lemon for AGES! We came back and it was GONE! We were so sad!”

    Seven-Year-Old: *looks stricken* “… Oh.”

    Me: *feeling a little bad “But it’s fine. We got over it. Thanks for telling me, [Seven-Year-Old]. That was very mature of you.”

    (We continue playing and they go home later. I see them about a week later and sure enough my plan worked.)

    Seven-Year-Old: *giggling* “I told my mum about the lemon thing and she was so mad I told you!”

    (Now whenever we tell this story we refer to it as ‘The Lemongate.’)

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