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  • Category: Friends

    The Odds Are Not In Their Favor

    | Allentown, PA, USA | Children, Friends

    (We’re taking my little sister to attend a friend’s birthday party at a restaurant. Upon arriving, we witness another party that has gotten out of control, complete with children running all over the place and hitting each other with balloons while most of the adults just sit back and watch.)

    Me: “Oh, great… 24 children running around, trying to kill each other for cake and pizza while adults watch… This isn’t a birthday party; it’s the Hunger Games…”

    Can’t Put His Finger On Why They’re Laughing

    | IA, USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (My mom, autistic brother, a caretaker of his, and I are eating a bowl of mixed nuts while chatting. My brother starts rummaging through the nuts to look for his favorites.)

    Mom: “[Son], no one wants you fingering their nuts.”

    (Pause.)

    Mom: “Oh. god! That’s not what I meant!”

    Caretaker: “Well, I wasn’t going to say anything…”

    (Then we all burst out laughing while my brother looked on in bemusement.)

    Rebecca Black’s New Song

    | UK | Friends, Siblings

    (My sister, my mom, and I are on a walk. We bump into one of my mum’s friends.)

    Friend: *to sister* “So how old are you?”

    Sister: “I’m three and then I’m four and then I’m five and then I’m six!”

    Your Friendly Neighborhood Deity

    | NY, USA | Friends, Siblings

    (My five year old and his friend are sitting in the backseat of the car, talking. We aren’t a religious family but the friend is.)

    Friend: *says something about God*

    Brother: “Who’s God?”

    Friend: *gasp* “You don’t know who God is?!”

    Brother: “No.”

    Friend: “God watches over us and he can do anything.”

    Brother: “Oh.”

    (He looks confused and seemed to be thinking hard.)

    Brother: “So God is like Spider-Man?”

    Suck Up And Shut Up

    | USA | Friends, Siblings

    (I’m at my friend’s mom’s house sitting in the living room with her family. My friend’s older sister has injured her ankle and diagnosed herself with tendonitis. She hasn’t stopped whining, and my friend is tired of it.)

    Sister: “Well… it says I need a walking boot. That’s stupid. I’m just going to suck it up.”

    Friend: “If it hurts, wrap it.”

    Sister: “It hurts so badly. I just don’t want to look stupid with a cast.”

    (She continues to read off treatments and complain for another five minutes, insisting she’s just sucking it up.)

    Friend: “If you’re going to suck it up, shut the f*** up and do it!”

    (The sister threw her phone and pouted until we went home.)

    Comparing All The Drivers Is Like Apples And Oranges

    | Germany | Friends, Parents & Guardians

    (I am about four when my family and my best friend’s family go on vacation together. I am in a car with her and her family driving through a mountainous region, with a car from The Netherlands, with an orange license plate, driving extremely slowly before us.)

    Best Friend: “Dad, why is that car’s license plate orange?”

    Her Dad: *frustrated* “That means that whoever is at the wheel is an awful driver and probably failed the driving test four times.”

    (A little later we stop at a truck stop and my friend has spotted another orange license plate.)

    Best Friend: *running up to the driver* “Hello! Did you fail your driving test four times as well?!”


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