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Category: Friends

Keep Your Pants On About Church

| Japan | Friends, Sons & Daughters

(My friend’s family has recently been stationed in Japan. She’s trying to get her five kids, aged eight and younger, ready for church when her second son comes downstairs.)

Friend: “[Son], why are you wearing a sweatshirt? It’s going to be really warm today and you’ll get hot.”

Son: “I know. That’s why I’m not wearing any pants.”

Oh My Virgin Ears!

| Cornwall, England, UK | Friends, Parents & Guardians

(My mum teases me about playing video games, but doesn’t really mind as I’m 15 and not stupid. She’s meeting me in a shop that sells stuff for gaming. I’m with a few friends who have all known my mum since we were at nursery. I get there a bit late and my mum is waiting.)

Me: “Sorry, sorry. I know you hate this shop.”

Mum: “It’s not that I hate it. I just spend more money in here every month than I do on the mortgage.”

(My mum gives me the things she has for me. My friends start chatting amongst themselves then to me.)

Mum: “Okay, I’m going. There’s far too much virginity in this shop.”

(She then said goodbye and left. Several people looked round and one man (in here with his son) bursts out laughing.)

Friend: “Did your mum really just say that?”

Me: “You have no idea what my childhood’s been like!”

The Odds Are Not In Their Favor

| Allentown, PA, USA | Children, Friends

(We’re taking my little sister to attend a friend’s birthday party at a restaurant. Upon arriving, we witness another party that has gotten out of control, complete with children running all over the place and hitting each other with balloons while most of the adults just sit back and watch.)

Me: “Oh, great… 24 children running around, trying to kill each other for cake and pizza while adults watch… This isn’t a birthday party; it’s the Hunger Games…”

Can’t Put His Finger On Why They’re Laughing

| IA, USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

(My mom, autistic brother, a caretaker of his, and I are eating a bowl of mixed nuts while chatting. My brother starts rummaging through the nuts to look for his favorites.)

Mom: “[Son], no one wants you fingering their nuts.”

(Pause.)

Mom: “Oh. god! That’s not what I meant!”

Caretaker: “Well, I wasn’t going to say anything…”

(Then we all burst out laughing while my brother looked on in bemusement.)

Rebecca Black’s New Song

| UK | Friends, Siblings

(My sister, my mom, and I are on a walk. We bump into one of my mum’s friends.)

Friend: *to sister* “So how old are you?”

Sister: “I’m three and then I’m four and then I’m five and then I’m six!”

Your Friendly Neighborhood Deity

| NY, USA | Friends, Siblings

(My five year old and his friend are sitting in the backseat of the car, talking. We aren’t a religious family but the friend is.)

Friend: *says something about God*

Brother: “Who’s God?”

Friend: *gasp* “You don’t know who God is?!”

Brother: “No.”

Friend: “God watches over us and he can do anything.”

Brother: “Oh.”

(He looks confused and seemed to be thinking hard.)

Brother: “So God is like Spider-Man?”


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