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    Category: Friends

    Headless Versus Brainless

    | USA | Friends, Siblings

    (My sister, friend, and I are watching ‘Sleepy Hollow’ with Johnny Depp, the really violent one. The horseman has just jumped from the ground and ridden off into the night. Suddenly, my friend speaks.)

    Friend: “Why didn’t he cut off THEIR heads?”

    Me: “Oh, uh, you’ll see.”

    Sister: “Maybe he’s blind…”

    Me: *laughs*

    Sister: “What…? Oh.”

    Made A Conversational Boob

    | MO, USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians

    (My mom is talking with a friend, who thinks that I miss the finesse of adult conversation as long as she motions without words sometimes. I am in elementary school at the time.)

    Mom’s Friend: “So this lady jumped up with [Singer] and—” *motions pulling her shirt open* “—and everyone went crazy!”

    Mom: “Um… maybe we shouldn’t talk about that sort of thing in front of [My Name].”

    Mom’s Friend: *waves me away* “Oh, she doesn’t understand a thing I’m saying.”

    Me: “Yes, I do!”

    Mom’s Friend: “Oh, yeah? What did I say, then?”

    Me: “You said a woman jumped up on stage at the concert and opened up her shirt to show [Singer] her boobs!”

    Mom’s Friend: *startled* “Uh…”

    Mom: “Why don’t you go play in the other room, [My Name]?”

    (Her friend was a lot more careful what she talked about in front of me after she realized I paid attention.)

    Raised With Love(craft)

    | CA, USA | Children, Friends, Sons & Daughters

    (My son is three years old and when I ask if he can say something new, he always gives it a try even if he mangles it horribly. Some friends are over playing the game ‘King of Tokyo’ and he is wandering around the table being his usual self.)

    Son: *points at the Kraken card* “What’s that?”

    Me: *thinking the Kraken looks a bit like Cthulhu* “That’s Cthulhu. Can you say ‘Cthulhu?’”

    Son: “Nope!” *wanders off*

    Friend: “That’s probably a good thing…”

    Bringing Up A Sore Subject

    | Australia | Friends, Sons & Daughters

    (I was spending time with my neighbour after she’d had a long day with the kids. Her 13-year-old son was nearby at this moment. Note that her freezer lives under the house.)

    Friend: *excited* “After a day like today I thought I’d treat myself. I brought up a couple of white chocolate ice creams this afternoon.”

    Son: “Well, you also brought up four children. Why don’t you get excited about that anymore?”

    Precious Pew

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Friends, Sons & Daughters

    Friend: “Oh, how cute!”

    Wife: “What?”

    Friend: “Your daughter said, ‘Excuse me, I tooted.’ How precious.”

    (Pause…)

    Friend: *cough* “Oh, dear Lord! No longer precious! Ack!”


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