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    Category: Friends

    A Poker-Face Slap

    | Germantown, MD, USA | Children, Friends, Sons & Daughters, Theme Of The Month

    (We have friends over and are playing ‘Settlers of Catan.’ In ‘Settlers’ you use different resources like sheep, wheat, wood, brick and ore to build roads, settlements and cities. You can trade cards with other players to get what you need. My daughter, who is just beginning to talk, is sitting in my husband’s lap.)

    Friend #1: “I’d like to trade a brick for a sheep. Does anyone have a sheep?”

    Most Of Us: “No.”

    Daughter: *looking at my husband’s hand* “Baaaaa!”

    Husband: *face-palm*

    (A bit later we are playing ‘Pit’ where you do very fast trades of different commodities with other players until you get all of one commodity. One of them is cattle. My daughter is now in my lap.)

    Friend #1: “Come on! I want cattle!”

    Daughter: *pointing to my hand* “Moooo!”

    (Thankfully she has now grown to be a great gamer, even teaching her little sister!)

    Terrible Two For You

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Children, Friends, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (My best friend and I are in my car with my toddler daughter in the backseat. My friend asks me if my daughter knows how to do something that most children can do by the time they are a year old.)

    Me: “Of course she can. She’s two, not stupid!”

    Disappointment Appointment

    | Lincolnshire, England, UK | Friends, Parents & Guardians

    (My mother has a doctor’s appointment, and after signing into the office notices one of her friends in the waiting room. She sits next to her and they chat. Half an hour later my mother’s name still hasn’t been called.)

    Mother: “My appointment was at ten, and it’s almost half past. Why are doctors always late?”

    Friend: “They have blood clinic on Thursday, so maybe that over ran.”

    Mother: “Thursday?”

    Friend: “Yeah.”

    Mother: “Not Friday?”

    Friend: “No.”

    Mother: “My appointment isn’t until tomorrow.”

    (My mother’s friend begins to laugh while my mother decides that instead of just walking out, she needs to make it look like she meant to come and sit for half an hour.)

    Mother: *really loudly, standing up* “Well, [Friend], nice talking to you! I’d better do what I came here to do and check my appointment time!”

    (She makes her way to the front desk.)

    Mother: “Hello! I just wanted to check what time my appointment was at 10 o’ clock tomorrow…”

    Isn’t A Fan Of The Sound Of Silence

    | Germany | Children, Friends

    (I’m on the train with my friend and her four-year-old daughter. The girl starts singing loudly.)

    Friend: “Shh. You need to be quiet in here.”

    Daughter: “Why?”

    Friend: “Well, what would you do if everyone just started singing?”

    Daughter: *enthusiastically* “Sing along!”

    Worried About His Other Snake

    | GA, USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians, Theme Of The Month

    (I have a rather large bosom, and do not particularly care to wear tank tops. On this day I’ve recently been tattooed and am babying the area by letting it breathe which means I’ve relented and am wearing a tank top. I’m at my friend’s house, on the couch reading, when my friend’s step-father comes in.)

    Friend’s Step-Father: “Look what I found while walking the dog.” *brings a small dead snake a couple inches away from my face and dangles it there*

    Me: *barely glancing up* “Oh, that’s nice. Could you please move it? I’m trying to read.”

    (He refuses to move the snake and instead moves it a bit further down.)

    Me: “Move the snake. It doesn’t bother me. I’m trying to read.”

    (Again, he moves it a bit further down.)

    Me: *looking up and meeting his eye* “Move the d*** snake. I’m reading here, okay? There’s no need to keep shoving it in my face! Snakes don’t bother me!”

    Friend’s Step-Father: *leers* “Oh, I wasn’t trying to put it in your face; I was trying to put it down your shirt.” *gazes at my chest for a few moments*

    (The worst part was I eventually had to stop coming over because every time I did he’d flirt with me in front of his young daughter, which made things very awkward.)

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