• Red-Hot Romance - 285 votes
  • November Theme Of The Month: Thanksgiving!

    Category: Friends

    Stupid By One Digit

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Friends, Parents & Guardians

    (Every Saturday, some of my parents’ friends come over to play cards. I’m doing my homework in a separate area when one wanders in and strikes up a conversation.)

    Family Friend: “I saw your new car in the driveway, by the way. It looks very nice. How much was it and what model is it?”

    Me: “It’s a 2014 [Brand] [Model]. We got it for [price], I think.”

    Family Friend: “2014 for that price? That’s a good bargain!”

    (Later in the evening, after everyone goes home, my mom eventually wanders in. Apparently, the family friend had relayed our earlier conversation to her.)

    Mom: “What you said was pretty close; the car was actually [different price] after all the add-ons.”

    Me: *sensing a lead-in* “Okay?”

    Mom: “Also, while it is indeed the 2014 model like you said… I told them it was the 2015 one.”

    (Naturally, this declaration surprises me, to say the least.)

    Me: “Um, why?”

    Mom: *defensively* “Well, you see, your father had mistakenly told everyone that it was a 2015 model, so if they knew that it was actually from 2014, they would think that he’s a liar who’s trying to make himself look better! So naturally, I had to back him up!”

    Me: “…So, just to make sure our family friends, who have known us for over 20 years, don’t think that dad is suddenly a self-absorbed compulsive liar, you intentionally made me look like the stupid, mistaken one instead, in order to corroborate a lie, all over a minor, honest mistake dad made? All this instead of admitting he was simply off by one digit?”

    Mom: *pauses* “…No, no. I wouldn’t make you look stupid, sweetie!”

    Giving Birth To The Returner Culture

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Children, Friends

    (I am out to lunch with a of couple girlfriends for one’s birthday, and the birthday girl’s three year old daughter. While I don’t have or want any of my own, kids don’t really bother me.)

    Me: *after about five minutes of the girl hanging on me, including standing in my lap to wave to the kitchen staff* “Okay, [Birthday Girl], you can have her back now.”

    Birthday Girl: “Nuh-uh, she’s yours now! There’s no return policy!”

    Other Friend: “Honey, there was a no return policy when she fell out of your vagina.”

    Parenting Means Not Being Afraid To Get Dirty

    | VT, USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians

    (My friends and I are at an old, dusty farmhouse getting ready for a wedding. My infant son is crawling around on the floor.)

    Friend: *to me* “What’s [Baby] eating?”

    Me: *looks at [Baby]* “Oh… I don’t know. Probably dirt.” *shrug*

    Friend: “…I want to be just like you when I have kids.”

    Piano No No

    | USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians

    (I have a very steep learning curve, and I pick up on things very easily. Both my parents love to brag about me because I’m very intelligent, and very young. This happened at my mom’s work, while talking to a coworker who also has children.)

    Mom: “[My Name] taught herself a song on the piano in, like, a day.”

    Coworker: “Oh, how long has she been playing?”

    Mom: “She hadn’t before then.”

    Coworker: “…I don’t want to talk to you about kids anymore.”

    Incalculably Young

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Children, Friends

    (I babysit my seven-year-old neighbor and I’m sitting with her at the table as she’s doing her math homework, in case she needs help.)

    Me: “Wow, [Neighbor], you’re very good at math. Probably even better than me!”

    Neighbor: “Then you must be pretty stupid at math because this is for little kids.”

    Should Just Take It As Read

    | USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians

    (I’m at a friend’s house, and her little sister isn’t quite old enough to read.)

    Mom: “[Friend], can you get my reading glasses, please?”

    Friend: “Sure.” *grabs them and hands them over*

    Friend’s Sister: “What do reading glasses do?”

    Mom: “They help me read.”

    Friend’s Sister: *excited* “Can I try them?”

    Mom: “Sure, why not?” *gives glasses over*

    Friend’s Sister: *puts them on and blinks* “Whoa….” *grabs magazine and stares intently at it before speaking sadly* “Mommy, you need new ones. These aren’t working… I still can’t read!”

    Page 1/1812345...Last