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    Category: Friends

    Mishearing And Misconceiving

    | USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians

    (My 15-year-old neighbor and I, at 13, are in our dining room discussing schools, and how often we have moved. My dad is also in the room.)

    Me: “My old school had hexters.”

    Neighbor: “Hexters?”

    Me: “Yeah, there were six of them. Two every trimester.”

    Dad: *looking up, concerned* “Trimesters? What’s all this about trimesters?!”

    Wearing Cute Jeans

    | Bendigo, VIC, Australia | Children, Friends, Sons & Daughters

    (It is a hot summer day in Australia. Some friends and I are sitting on the front porch while my three-year-old daughter plays in the yard.)

    Me: “Hey, beautiful [Daughter], how did you get so cute? It’s certainly not from my genes!”

    Daughter: *with a certain amount of condescension* ‘Tch, Dad… you’re wearing shorts!”

    Friend: “Well… you can’t argue with that.”

    Mommy’s Little Emo

    | USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians, Teenagers

    (At summer school I’ve got a reputation as the ‘emo kid’ and a bit of a rebel. Today my mom, who’s very sweet and a bit naive, came in with me to sign a paper, but since it’s only my second day, we’ve gotten lost. We turn a corner and run into one of my new friends, who’s a bit of a punk.)

    Mom: *surprised* “Oh, hello.”

    Me: “Dude, where’s our classroom? This place is so weird.”

    Friend: *points* “That way. I’m heading there now. Wanna come?”

    Mom: “No, I think it’s the other way, sweetie.”

    Me: “Well, I’ll see you later, Mom.”

    Mom: “Bye! Have fun in school!”

    (Once we get out of earshot…)

    Friend: “What was THAT?”

    Me: “Not. A. Word.”

    Cell Mates

    | Gilbert, AZ, USA | Friends, Siblings

    (My friend and I are babysitting my very young brother. We are 12 at the time and my brother is three. My brother is also clearly adopted.)

    Friend: “You guys are sharing ice cream? Eww!”

    Me: “That’s okay. He’s my brother. We’re made out of the same things.”

    Friend: “Whaa?”

    Me: “Cells!”

    Little Lovecraftians

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Friends, Godparents & Godchildren

    (I’m at Friend #1′s house playing a board game, when their three-year-old son, my godson, starts pointing at the pieces. We’re all huge nerds.)

    Godson: “What’s that?”

    (The piece is a sea monster called the Krakenoid.)

    Friend #1: “He’s kind of like Cthulhu. Do you know who Cthulhu is?”

    Friend #2: “If he doesn’t, that’s really your fault.”

    Friend #1: “Can you say ‘Cthulhu,’ [Godson]?”

    Godson: “No.”

    Friend #2: “That’s probably wise.”


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