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    Category: Friends

    Suck Up And Shut Up

    | USA | Friends, Siblings

    (I’m at my friend’s mom’s house sitting in the living room with her family. My friend’s older sister has injured her ankle and diagnosed herself with tendonitis. She hasn’t stopped whining, and my friend is tired of it.)

    Sister: “Well… it says I need a walking boot. That’s stupid. I’m just going to suck it up.”

    Friend: “If it hurts, wrap it.”

    Sister: “It hurts so badly. I just don’t want to look stupid with a cast.”

    (She continues to read off treatments and complain for another five minutes, insisting she’s just sucking it up.)

    Friend: “If you’re going to suck it up, shut the f*** up and do it!”

    (The sister threw her phone and pouted until we went home.)

    Comparing All The Drivers Is Like Apples And Oranges

    | Germany | Friends, Parents & Guardians

    (I am about four when my family and my best friend’s family go on vacation together. I am in a car with her and her family driving through a mountainous region, with a car from The Netherlands, with an orange license plate, driving extremely slowly before us.)

    Best Friend: “Dad, why is that car’s license plate orange?”

    Her Dad: *frustrated* “That means that whoever is at the wheel is an awful driver and probably failed the driving test four times.”

    (A little later we stop at a truck stop and my friend has spotted another orange license plate.)

    Best Friend: *running up to the driver* “Hello! Did you fail your driving test four times as well?!”

    Yo Papa So Cool

    | CO, USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians

    (My mom is away on a business meeting at the time of this story, and my dad allows me to bring my friend to my house. After playing video games for a while, we get bored and start exchanging ‘Yo Mama’ jokes. We think my dad is in his room.)

    Friend: “Yo mama’s so hairy that she’s a playable character in ‘Donkey Kong.’”

    Me: “Yo mama’s so stupid she bought tickets to Xbox Live.”

    Friend: “Yo mama’s so ugly, when you were born; the doctor slapped her instead of yooooo…”

    (My friend trails off because my dad is now in the living room, glowering at us both. I can see my friend’s face lose a pint of blood, and I think we’re about to get it.)

    Dad: “[Friend]…”

    Friend: *in a panic* “Sorry, sir, it won’t happen again!”

    Dad: “[Friend], frankly, I think yo mama’s so dumb that she sold her car for gas money.”

    (My friend was speechless, and my dad declared himself the ‘Yo Mama’ joke king. Best. Dad. Ever.)

    Throwing A Killer New Year’s Party

    | Eden Prairie, MN, USA | Friends, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s New Year’s Eve and our and another family are celebrating.)

    Me: *asking friend* “What’s your New Year’s resolution?”

    Him: *playing a shooter game on tablet* “To kill you.”

    Me: *stunned* “What?!”

    Him: *looks up and sees me and pales* “Oh, my gosh, I’m so sorry. I was—”

    Me: “I understand, dude.”

    (We both laughed after that.)

    They Will Understand Presently

    | England, UK | Friends, Siblings, Theme Of The Month

    (My brother and I are talking to a friend. My brother is opening a Christmas card.)

    Friend: “Noooo! You don’t open cards before Christmas Day!”

    Brother: “But then how do you hang them up?”

    Friend: “Oh, yeah. That’s presents, not cards. Isn’t it?!”


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