May's Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

Category: Friends

Going STRAIGHT For Your LEFT Arm

| NC, USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians

(I’m driving my car, with my best friend. We’re headed to the mall to waste some time before I have to go pick my mom up from work and take her to the dealership to pick up her car. I’m telling my friend about my morning. Also relevant: previously I’ve told my friend about how frustrating my mom could be when she was teaching me to drive.)

Me: “So, when I went to the doctor to adjust my meds, they wanted some bloodwork and a flu shot.”

Friend: “Ugh!”

Me: “Yeah, and whenever I get a flu shot, everybody feels the need to clap my on the left shoulder, so I got it in the right side this time. Had the same problem when I got my birth control implant. Mom noticed I was favoring that arm and kept squeezing it!”

(Fast forward to driving my mom to get her car: she’s in the front passenger seat, and my friend is sitting in the back.)

Mom: “Yeah, so you’ll want to go straight through this light. Oh! If you turn left here, that’s how I used to go back when I lived on [Street]!”

Me: “So, do you want me to turn or not?”

Mom: “No, no. It’s just the right way to get over there.”

Me: “I’m hearing ‘get over to turn right,’ Mom.”

Mom: “Ignore me, sweetie. I’m just rambling.” *starts squeezing my right bicep comfortingly*

Me: “Arm! ARM! Flu shot! Changing gears!”

Mom: “Oh crap! I keep doing that, don’t I? *reaches over to start messing with my hair, but catches herself*

(After getting to the dealership in one piece and watching my mom drive off in her car, my friend and I are getting back into my car.)

Friend: “Holy f***. You’d told me your mom was like that, but I thought you were exaggerating!”

Me: “At least she wasn’t on the phone this time. ‘Yeah! No no no, go ahead! I just LEFT the store, going RIGHT home STRAIGHT away!'”

Best Not Leave This One To Chance

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Children, Friends

(I am four years old. My mom just got back from her first trip without me, and my dad and I go to the airport to meet her and her friends.)

Me: *to first friend* “Are you my mommy?”

Friend #1: “No, I’m not.”

Me: *to second friend* “Are you my mommy?

Friend #2: “No, that’s your mom.”

(I turn to my mom.)

Me: “…Who ARE you?”

(Seeing as she was only gone a week, my parents are naturally a bit concerned that I may have short term memory issues, especially since I was slow to develop mentally and hadn’t been talking for very long. Then, when we get in the car, I turn to my mom.)

Me: *angrily* “Don’t EVER leave me again!”

(They both stared at me in shock as I huffed and turned away. My mother says it was the most sarcastic temper tantrum she’d ever seen a four-year-old have.)

You’ll Get Sick Of That Song Soon

| CO, USA | Children, Friends, Sons & Daughters

(My friend is working the welcome table at church. My 13-year-old son is sitting nearby. A woman walks in.)

Friend: “Hi, welcome to [Church]. Is this your first time?”

Woman: “Yes, it is.”

Friend: “Well, welcome, then. Let me show you where we meet.”

Son: *in full-on opera voice* “Eeeeee Boooooh Laaaaa. Eeeeee Boooooh Laaaaa!”

Woman: “Uh…”

Friend: “Oh, um… they must have talked about Ebola in Sunday School this morning.”

Woman: “Wow, he has a really good singing voice.”

Friend: “Umm… yes, he does. And quite loud. Here is where we meet for worship.”

Son: “Eeeee Booooh Laaaaaaa!”

A Forgetful Feeder

| Australia | Friends, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(I’ve been best friends with the same girl for most of our lives so we’re both pretty comfortable with each other’s families. I’ve gone over to her house to drop off a present for her younger sister who got an incredible mark in her HSC. As the three of us are watching TV their mum sits down to talk with us.)

Their Mum: “Were you having dinner here?”

Me: “Oh no, I’ll be going home. My grandparents are visiting.”

Their Mum: “What about you, [Best Friend]? Are you staying for dinner?”

Friend: “No, mum, I’m having dinner with friends.

Their Mum: “Oh, is [My Name] going, too?”

Friend’s Sister: “No, mum, she just said she was having dinner at home.”

Their Mum: “Oh, okay.”

(A bit of time goes past and my friend and I are talking about leaving.)

Their Mum: “Oh, [Best Friend], do you want to eat before you go?”

Friend: “No, mum, I just said I was going out for dinner.”

Their Mum: “Okay, but what about your friend?”

Friend’s Sister: “No, mum, she’s going home for dinner.”

(A little more time passes and it’s getting around dinner time. My friend and I are getting up to leave.)

Their Mum: “[Best Friend], so you’re not having dinner?”

Friend: “No, mum. I’m having dinner with my friends.”

Their Mum: “Yeah, okay, but [My Name], you’re staying?”

Friend’s Sister: *after a slight pause* “No, mum… I think she’s going to leave with [Best Friend].”

Their Mum: “Okay, but do you want something to eat before you go?”

Keep Your Pants On About Church

| Japan | Friends, Sons & Daughters

(My friend’s family has recently been stationed in Japan. She’s trying to get her five kids, aged eight and younger, ready for church when her second son comes downstairs.)

Friend: “[Son], why are you wearing a sweatshirt? It’s going to be really warm today and you’ll get hot.”

Son: “I know. That’s why I’m not wearing any pants.”

Oh My Virgin Ears!

| Cornwall, England, UK | Friends, Parents & Guardians

(My mum teases me about playing video games, but doesn’t really mind as I’m 15 and not stupid. She’s meeting me in a shop that sells stuff for gaming. I’m with a few friends who have all known my mum since we were at nursery. I get there a bit late and my mum is waiting.)

Me: “Sorry, sorry. I know you hate this shop.”

Mum: “It’s not that I hate it. I just spend more money in here every month than I do on the mortgage.”

(My mum gives me the things she has for me. My friends start chatting amongst themselves then to me.)

Mum: “Okay, I’m going. There’s far too much virginity in this shop.”

(She then said goodbye and left. Several people looked round and one man (in here with his son) bursts out laughing.)

Friend: “Did your mum really just say that?”

Me: “You have no idea what my childhood’s been like!”

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