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    Category: Cousins

    Had Their Hand In Future Events

    | Austria | Children, Cousins

    (My ten-year old cousin is sleeping over at my place. I am seven at the time. We are in bed, but have a flashlight.)

    Cousin: “You know, I can read your hand and tell your future.”

    Me: “Really? How?”

    Cousin: *turning on flashlight* “Let me show you!” *bends over my hand and follows the lines with her finger and then nods wisely* “Ahhh! You will get married two times. Once to a white man and have two children! See?” *points to some lines*

    Me: “Gah! Boys are stupid. I would never marry one!”

    Cousin: “Sush. The white man will die, and you will marry a black man and have two children with him.”

    Me: *shocked* “But I don’t want him to die!”

    Cousin: *shrugs* “It’s your destiny. Nothing you can do about it.” *turns off light and goes to sleep.*

    (I am upset by this prophecy for weeks. Fast forward ten years. My aunt gives my younger sister a pack of popular girls’ magazines which are at least ten years old. A little later my sister comes to me.)

    Sister: “I can read your hand and tell your future.”

    Me: “Oh, can you?”

    Sister: *leans over my hand and nods* “Ahh, you will get married two times. Once to a white man and you will have two children with him. But he will die.”

    Me: “What the h***? Where did you get this from?”

    Sister: *laughing* “From [Girls' Magazine].”

    (Turned out it was my cousin’s magazine, which contained an article with an instruction and a precise text. Dear Author, thank you for that traumatizing experience.)

    The Organa Conclusion To That Debate

    | USA | Cousins

    (I’m the only geek in my family. They think sci-fi, fantasy, and cosplaying are weird. On this day, my aunt, uncle, and five-year-old cousin are visiting my family. My cousin’s name is Teah.)

    Cousin: “I like my name! I know a rhyme for it.”

    Mom: “That’s not true. Nothing rhymes with Teah.”

    Me: “Uh, actually—”

    Sister: “Don’t be stupid, [My Name]. There’s no rhyme.”

    Cousin: “Yeah, there is!”

    Me: “Wanna tell them, [Cousin]?”

    Cousin: “PRINCESS LEIA!”

    Me: “Ten points to Gryffindor!”

    They’ll Go To Hell Before They Say ‘I Love You’

    | USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins

    (I stopped by my aunt’s to drop some stuff she asked me to bring before going home. She has 19-year-old twin sons.)

    Me: “Aunt [Name]! I’m here!”

    Aunt: “Hi, Sweety, Thank you so much. So sorry to bother you, dear.”

    Me: “Oh! Come on, anything for my family. Here, I know you love chocolates.”

    Aunt: “Oh, I love you!”

    Me: *hugs her* “Love you, too.”

    (During this exchange, my cousins were sitting there watching TV. Then this happens.)

    Cousin #1: *staring at the screen* “Hey [Cousin #2]? Go to h***.”

    Cousin #2: *staring at the screen* “Yeah. You, too.”

    Me: *confused* “What was that?”

    Aunt: *giggling* “That’s how they say they love each other. Twins are weird like that.”

    Me: “No, it’s cute. It’ll be cuter if they say ‘I love you’ though.”

    Cousins #1 & #2: *both at the same time* “Boys don’t say that. Only girls do.”

    Me: “Yup. Absolutely weird.”

    Doubly Packed But Single Minded

    | ME, USA | Cousins

    (My cousin and I are getting ready to go camping together. We both have vacation plans for after camping.)

    Me: “Hey, are you packed?”

    Cousin: “Yeah, I’ve been packed for a while now.”

    Me: “No, I mean for camping.”

    Cousin: “Oh, that. No. Are you?”

    Me: “No, I can’t even find my suitcase.”

    Cousin: “Didn’t you tell me yesterday that you packed for your other trip?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Cousin: “Maybe that’s why you can’t find it.”

    The Prime Time To Get Married

    | USA | Cousins

    (My cousin gets married. She doesn’t have a big wedding because she can’t afford it, so instead she has a party in the backyard at our grandparents’ house to celebrate.)

    Me: “What should I wear to your party?”

    Cousin: “Well, it’s just family. It’s not supposed to be formal, so just wear something comfortable.”

    Me: “So, I can wear anything?”

    Cousin: “Yes. Wear a dress if you want. Or not. I don’t even really care if you show up in what you slept in. Just put on some clothes.”

    Me: “Anything?”

    Cousin: “Yes, anything.”

    Me: “Anything?”

    Cousin: “Yes! Wear anything! Look, just don’t show up naked, all right?”

    Me: “All right, but just remember that you said I could wear anything.”

    (The day of the party I arrive wearing an Optimus Prime cosplay that I borrowed from a friend.)

    Cousin: “…”

    Me: “You said anything!”

    (I brought a change of clothes since I only did it to see how she’d react. Surprisingly, she didn’t make me change and let me walk around like that for the rest of the party. The group photos from that party were amazing.)


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