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    Category: Cousins

    They’ll Go To Hell Before They Say ‘I Love You’

    | USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins

    (I stopped by my aunt’s to drop some stuff she asked me to bring before going home. She has 19-year-old twin sons.)

    Me: “Aunt [Name]! I’m here!”

    Aunt: “Hi, Sweety, Thank you so much. So sorry to bother you, dear.”

    Me: “Oh! Come on, anything for my family. Here, I know you love chocolates.”

    Aunt: “Oh, I love you!”

    Me: *hugs her* “Love you, too.”

    (During this exchange, my cousins were sitting there watching TV. Then this happens.)

    Cousin #1: *staring at the screen* “Hey [Cousin #2]? Go to h***.”

    Cousin #2: *staring at the screen* “Yeah. You, too.”

    Me: *confused* “What was that?”

    Aunt: *giggling* “That’s how they say they love each other. Twins are weird like that.”

    Me: “No, it’s cute. It’ll be cuter if they say ‘I love you’ though.”

    Cousins #1 & #2: *both at the same time* “Boys don’t say that. Only girls do.”

    Me: “Yup. Absolutely weird.”

    Doubly Packed But Single Minded

    | ME, USA | Cousins

    (My cousin and I are getting ready to go camping together. We both have vacation plans for after camping.)

    Me: “Hey, are you packed?”

    Cousin: “Yeah, I’ve been packed for a while now.”

    Me: “No, I mean for camping.”

    Cousin: “Oh, that. No. Are you?”

    Me: “No, I can’t even find my suitcase.”

    Cousin: “Didn’t you tell me yesterday that you packed for your other trip?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Cousin: “Maybe that’s why you can’t find it.”

    The Prime Time To Get Married

    | USA | Cousins

    (My cousin gets married. She doesn’t have a big wedding because she can’t afford it, so instead she has a party in the backyard at our grandparents’ house to celebrate.)

    Me: “What should I wear to your party?”

    Cousin: “Well, it’s just family. It’s not supposed to be formal, so just wear something comfortable.”

    Me: “So, I can wear anything?”

    Cousin: “Yes. Wear a dress if you want. Or not. I don’t even really care if you show up in what you slept in. Just put on some clothes.”

    Me: “Anything?”

    Cousin: “Yes, anything.”

    Me: “Anything?”

    Cousin: “Yes! Wear anything! Look, just don’t show up naked, all right?”

    Me: “All right, but just remember that you said I could wear anything.”

    (The day of the party I arrive wearing an Optimus Prime cosplay that I borrowed from a friend.)

    Cousin: “…”

    Me: “You said anything!”

    (I brought a change of clothes since I only did it to see how she’d react. Surprisingly, she didn’t make me change and let me walk around like that for the rest of the party. The group photos from that party were amazing.)

    Gives New Meaning To Lip Service

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Cousins

    (I’m at my girlfriend’s family’s house for Easter, and end up drawing with her four-year old cousin. She’s currently trying to draw a girl.)

    Cousin: “How do I draw her nips?”

    Me: *pause* “I’m sorry?”

    Cousin: “Her nips.”

    Me: “How do you draw her nips?

    Cousin: “Yeah.” *gestures to her mouth* “The nips.”

    Me: “Oh, the lips! Let me show you…”

    Will Be Sitting On The Edge Of That Seat

    | Sweet Home, OR, USA | Cousins, Parents & Guardians

    (My dad, cousin, brother, and I are walking down the street to get our car after sitting all day at the Oregon Jamboree.)

    Dad: *to cousin* “Just stay here with the chairs while I go get the car. Make sure no one steals them.”

    Cousin: “But what if someone steals me?”


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