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    Category: Cousins

    No Longer Just A White Christmas

    | NJ, USA | Cousins, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s Thanksgiving and my uncle, cousin, sister, and I are hanging up wreaths around town for Christmas. My other sister stays home because she is on her period. We are in a small car with the ladder, making it impossible for me to turn around. There are also some groceries in the back that my mom got. My cousin is ten.)

    Cousin: *in a joking voice* “Hey, [My Name], I have an early Christmas gift for you.”

    Me: “Oh, yeah? What is it?”

    Cousin: “Here.”

    (He tries to hand me something. I drop it the first time, but get it the second time. Contorting around, I pull the thing in front of me. It’s a package of pads.)

    Me: *suppressing laughter* “[Cousin], do you know what this is?”

    Cousin: “Diapers!”

    Only Transforms Into Disappointment

    | PA, USA | Cousins

    (I am quite a bit of an adult child in that I still like to collect and play with toys despite being almost 24, my favorites being Transformers of all types. My four-year-old second cousin comes up to my room during a visit.)

    Cousin: “My mommy said to ask if I can play with one of your Transformers.”

    Me: “Certainly! Which one do you want to play with?

    Cousin: “Which one do you have?”

    Me: “Well, I have lots.”

    (I let him into my room to show him my shelves and tables full of Transformers.)

    Me: “I have some that turn into cars. I have some that turn into jets. I’ve got some that turn into dinosaurs or animals or bugs. I’ve got big ones, tiny ones, and repaints of toys I already own. I even have some that turn into more than one alternate form and a few that combine into bigger robots.”

    Cousin: “Ooh… cool!”

    Me: “I have some from the original toy-line that I got from my dad, some from the movies, and some from the newer cartoons. That one over there talks. That one’s stuck as a tank because it took me five hours to get it into that form and now I can’t remember how to change it back, and this one here’s my favorite. I repainted him to look more accurate to his color scheme in the original cartoon. So which one do you want to play with?”

    Cousin: “This one!”

    (He took a non-transforming Happy Meal toy and skipped off downstairs to play.)

    Hooked On Gingerbread

    | WA, USA | Cousins, Theme Of The Month

    (My little cousin that’s about four is decorating his tiny Christmas tree with ornaments when he finds his favorite gingerbread man ornament doesn’t have the metal hook to hang it on the tree.)

    Cousin: “Oh, no! This gingerbread man lost his hooker!”

    Me: “What?!”

    Cousin: “You know, the metal thingy to hang him on the tree!”

    (I tried explaining that he should not use that word, but he was too young to understand that “hooker” was a naughty word and incorrect for what he was talking about. A few days later, we went to take pictures with Santa.)

    Santa: “Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas, young man! Is there anything you would like for Christmas?”

    Cousin: *yells loudly* “A GINGERBREAD MAN WITH A HOOKER!”

    Keep Your Ear To The Ground At Christmas

    | Wellington, New Zealand | Cousins, Theme Of The Month

    (My eight-year-old cousin got her ears pierced two months ago. She recently had an incident when her mother, my aunt, thought that they could take the earrings out, when in fact they were supposed to wait another month. My cousin’s ear started to bleed, so they went back to the piercing studio where they were told she would have to wait another three months before taking the earrings out. I’m trying to cheer up my cousin.)

    Cousin: “I wish I could take out my earrings sooner instead of waiting three more months! It’s all Mummy’s fault.”

    Me: “Look at it this way. You’ll have your earrings out by Christmas!”

    Cousin: “But that’s in such a long time. I wish Mummy hadn’t done this.”

    Me: “Think about it in terms of what Santa might bring…” *meaning new earrings*

    Cousin: “Like what? A new mother who doesn’t make mistakes?”

    Mumble And A Grumble

    | Arnold, CA, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins, Theme Of The Month

    (It is the annual family get-together at my grandparent’s house in 1999, and I am talking to my three-year-old cousin outside while our parents are unloading the cars.)

    Cousin: *mumbles*

    Me: “Erm, uh huh.”

    Cousin: *mumbles in the sound of a question*

    Me: “Yes, sure.”

    Cousin: *bursts out crying and runs to her mother*

    Aunt: “Oh, honey, what’s wrong?”

    Cousin: *mumbles*

    Aunt: “She asked you if Santa was bringing her coal and you said yes.”

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