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    Category: Cousins

    The Dominant Education

    | NJ, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Children, Cousins

    (I am out to dinner with my family to celebrate my oldest cousin moving into a new apartment with her boyfriend. I have recently been tutoring my younger cousin in biology.)

    Younger Cousin: “Hey, [My Name], you have attached earlobes! That means that you have two recessive alleles, right?”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s right!”

    Younger Cousin: “Well, dad and I have unattached earlobes, and that means we have the dominant allele, right?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Younger Cousin: “And my mom has unattached earlobes, too! We’re all dominant!”

    Me: “Actually, I think your mom has attached earlobes. Take a closer look.”

    Older Cousin’s Boyfriend: “Well, dominant traits are always shown, and recessive traits are hidden, so you have to have two copies of the recessive gene to have a recessive trait.”

    Me:  “Right…”

    (Older cousin’s boyfriend continues to try to explain genetics to me as our family watches in silence, holding back snickers until finally my cousin says something.)

    Older Cousin: “You do know that this is what she is getting her Ph.D. in, right?”

    Older Cousin’s Boyfriend: *to me* “Why didn’t you say anything?!”

    Me: “Well, you didn’t say anything technically wrong…”

    A Different Bear-ing On Gender

    | Norway | Cousins, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (My daughter is eleven and owns a teddy bear. His name is Mister.)

    Daughter: “Mom, Mister is seriously considering a sex change.”

    (I am surprised, but don’t let on too much.)

    Me: “Oh, really! Why does he want that?”

    Daughter: “Well, because the female teddy bears can have so much more clothing. They can wear a lot more different and cool clothes. Mister thinks it would be really cool to have that. And then his name would be Missy instead!”

    Me: “That makes sense. And teddy bears really only have social gender, they don’t have juridical and biological sexes like us humans do, so I bet it’s a lot easier for a teddy bear to switch genders than it would be for a human.”

    Daughter: “Yes! I just throw him in the air and shout ‘Hallelujah!’ and that’s that.”

    (After spending a day or so ‘seriously considering’ it, Mister did indeed become Missy.)

    A Step Too Far

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Cousins, Grandparents

    (My uncle is married to a woman who already has a son from a previous relationship. Our family has been very accepting of them, including my grandma, who took it a step too far.)

    Grandma: “Boys, I brought a family photo album of your dads when they were kids. You want to see?”

    Me: “Sure, Grandma.”

    (My grandma shows me pictures of my dad when he was little. Then she starts showing pictures of my uncle to my new step-cousin.)

    Grandma: “And over here is your daddy, [Step-Cousin]. You look just like him!”

    Step-Cousin: “Uh, okay…”

    Had Their Hand In Future Events

    | Austria | Children, Cousins

    (My ten-year old cousin is sleeping over at my place. I am seven at the time. We are in bed, but have a flashlight.)

    Cousin: “You know, I can read your hand and tell your future.”

    Me: “Really? How?”

    Cousin: *turning on flashlight* “Let me show you!” *bends over my hand and follows the lines with her finger and then nods wisely* “Ahhh! You will get married two times. Once to a white man and have two children! See?” *points to some lines*

    Me: “Gah! Boys are stupid. I would never marry one!”

    Cousin: “Sush. The white man will die, and you will marry a black man and have two children with him.”

    Me: *shocked* “But I don’t want him to die!”

    Cousin: *shrugs* “It’s your destiny. Nothing you can do about it.” *turns off light and goes to sleep.*

    (I am upset by this prophecy for weeks. Fast forward ten years. My aunt gives my younger sister a pack of popular girls’ magazines which are at least ten years old. A little later my sister comes to me.)

    Sister: “I can read your hand and tell your future.”

    Me: “Oh, can you?”

    Sister: *leans over my hand and nods* “Ahh, you will get married two times. Once to a white man and you will have two children with him. But he will die.”

    Me: “What the h***? Where did you get this from?”

    Sister: *laughing* “From [Girls' Magazine].”

    (Turned out it was my cousin’s magazine, which contained an article with an instruction and a precise text. Dear Author, thank you for that traumatizing experience.)

    The Organa Conclusion To That Debate

    | USA | Cousins

    (I’m the only geek in my family. They think sci-fi, fantasy, and cosplaying are weird. On this day, my aunt, uncle, and five-year-old cousin are visiting my family. My cousin’s name is Teah.)

    Cousin: “I like my name! I know a rhyme for it.”

    Mom: “That’s not true. Nothing rhymes with Teah.”

    Me: “Uh, actually—”

    Sister: “Don’t be stupid, [My Name]. There’s no rhyme.”

    Cousin: “Yeah, there is!”

    Me: “Wanna tell them, [Cousin]?”

    Cousin: “PRINCESS LEIA!”

    Me: “Ten points to Gryffindor!”


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