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    Category: Cousins

    This Argument Turned Ugly

    | Prince George, BC, Canada | Children, Cousins, Parents & Guardians

    (We’re all at my grandparent’s house for a birthday party. My mom has just told my cousin, who is about seven at the time, to do something he doesn’t want to do.)

    Cousin: *huffily* “You’re not my mom! Why do I have to listen to you?”

    Mom: *jokingly, but making a somewhat scary face at the same time* “Because I’m bigger, meaner, and uglier than you are!”

    (My cousin grapples with this for a minute before coming up with a retort.)

    Cousin: “You are not uglier than me!”

    Sunshine Is The Keystone To Their Argument

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Cousins, Grandparents

    (My cousin has the misfortune of scoping out potential wedding venues during the polar vortex. Though they’re having the wedding in Pennsylvania, where both their extended families live, she and her fiancé live in Tampa, Florida.)

    Grandpa: “So, when are you coming back?”

    Cousin: *brightly* “We’ll be up again for Easter.”

    Grandpa: “No, when are you coming back for good?”

    Cousin: *guilty* “Um…”

    Me: *showing them both the current Tampa weather on my smartphone* “It’s 60 in Tampa right now. It’s 10 here. I’m sorry, Grandpa. They’re never coming back.”

    Burnt Toast

    | MN, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins

    (It’s my grandfather’s 90th birthday. Extended family members from four states have come to celebrate. It’s dessert time during the dinner party and people have been making toasts. My aunt gets up and raises her glass of wine.)

    Aunt: “I’d just like to say how much I appreciate my dad for being so open and accepting of what his kids wanted to do with their lives—”

    Cousin: “Mom, you made that toast already. Five minutes ago.”

    Aunt: “I did?”

    All Of Us: “YES!”

    Aunt: “Well, I want to make it again!”

    (Clearly, we’d all been toasting too much already.)

    Obama Drama

    | Lexington, KY, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins

    (It is around the time the 2008 Presidential campaign is beginning to pick up steam, and since my family’s African American, everyone is buzzing about Barack Obama, although some of the older relatives are rather skeptical.)

    Cousin: “Can you believe this? It looks like he may have a shot.”

    Uncle: “Huh. He won’t win.”

    Me: “What makes you think that?”

    Uncle: “With the way this country works, he’ll never make it past the primaries. Mark my words.”

    Me: “Actually, the primaries are over. He did make it.”

    Uncle: “Oh… uh… he still won’t make it.”

    (I really wish I could’ve been there to see his reaction when Obama won the national election… for both terms.)

    Working In The Office Of Outdated Ideas

    | UK | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins

    (I’ve just started a new job and I’m visiting my cousin in another part of the country. She’s taken me to her local nursing home to visit my elderly auntie who I haven’t seen for several years.)

    Aunt: “So, what does your husband do?”

    Me: “He’s an electrician.”

    Aunt: “Oh, that’s a good job. Are you working?”

    Me: “Yes, I’ve just started a new job, in personnel.”

    Aunt: “What’s that?”

    Me: “I do payroll, and holiday and sick leave. Things like that.”

    Aunt: “Pay? And holiday? I don’t understand. You’re a cook? A cleaner? What do you do?”

    Me: “Um, I sort out pay for the workers. You know, their wages?”

    Aunt: *looking very confused* “What?”

    (I look helplessly at my cousin, not sure how to explain.)

    Cousin: “Auntie, she works in an office.”

    Aunt: “Oh! Office work. You should have said!”

    (Apparently, in Auntie’s world, there are only three types of job for a woman – cook, cleaner, or ‘office work’!)


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