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    Category: Cousins

    Intelligence Is Not Relative

    | UK | Cousins

    (My friend posted a picture of himself with his cousin, both tagged showing their full names.)

    Commenter: “How do you have the same last name as your cousin?”

    Friend: “My dad and his dad are brothers.”

    Commenter: “Wow. Never heard of that.”

    My Dad; The Muffin Man

    | PA, USA | Cousins

    (My cousins and I are hanging out when the topic turns to photos of our parents when they were younger.)

    Cousin: “When Dad was younger he was totally a stud muffin…but now he’s just a muffin.”

    Will Never Forget That

    | Jonesboro, AR, USA | Cousins

    (We are at a family reunion. There are several younger cousins around, and I get to hear this gem:)

    Cousin #1: *running by where I’m seated* “Quick, get the forget-me stick!”

    Cousin #2: *following behind* “Aww, I hate the forget-me stick.”

    This Conversation Has Gone To The Dogs

    | Canada | Cousins

    Cousin: “Hey, where’s your—” *abruptly stops* “Oh. Oh, god. I almost said your wife and dog. I meant your mom and [Brother].”

    Me: “Was [Brother] supposed to be the wife or the dog?”

    Cousin: “Take your pick.”

    A Very Odd(apus) Child

    | SC, USA | Children, Cousins

    (My sister and I take a trip out of town for a few days and stay with some relatives. To thank me for babysitting their three- and five-year-old daughters, they tell us to pick any restaurant and we’d go there for dinner. I ask the kids what they thought and they insist on a Japanese grill and buffet. Once we are seated, the following exchange takes place:)

    Cousin: “Okay, girls, what do you want to eat?”

    Five-Year-Old: “I want pizza, rice, and chicken!”

    Three-Year-Old: “I wan’ oddapus.”

    Cousin: “You want… octopus? Are you sure?”

    Three-Year-Old: “ODDAPUS.”

    (My cousin comes back from the buffet with a plate of tiny octopi in some kind of sauce. I look on in horrified fascination as she eats them with gusto.)

    Me: “Are… are those good, sweetie?”

    Three-Year-Old: “Yep.” *sticks another octopus in her mouth*

    (She is a much braver person than I am!)

    Mildly Swears It Wasn’t Him

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Cousins, Spouses & Partners

    (My cousin’s husband swears like a sailor, but he’s been trying to tone it down since his daughter was born.)

    Daughter: *drops cookie* “D*** it!”

    (Everyone turns to look at my cousin’s husband and his wife glares.)

    Cousin’s Husband: “It wasn’t me! It wasn’t me!”

    His Mom: “You’re right. That was too tame for [Cousin’s Husband].”

    Cousin’s Husband: “THANK YOU… Hey, wait a minute…”


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