• Mom Has An Axe To Grind
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  • August's Theme Of The Month: Best. Family Member. Ever!

    Category: Cousins

    An Ominous Vocabulary

    | Medicine Lodge, KS, USA | Children, Cousins

    (I am doing make-up with my six-year-old cousin.)

    Cousin: “Your skin is ominous.”

    Will Not Rodeo Drive

    | USA | Cousins, Grandparents

    (My cousin had a little bit too much to drink.)

    Grandma: “How are you going to get up tomorrow?”

    Cousin: “This is not my first rodeo, grandma… This is my second.”

    Diving Into His Own Interpretation

    | NE, USA | Cousins, Parents & Guardians

    (My father goes out of town for a family wedding. Instead of spending time with relatives his age, he decided to spend time keeping an eye on his nephew’s four-year-old daughter, my cousin. This is one of the stories he had to tell:)

    Dad: *noticing her staring at a no diving sign* “Hey you reading the sign? What does it say?”

    Cousin: “No diving bonk your head!”

    A ‘Stiff’ Resolve To Get The Name Right

    | Singapore | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins

    (My parents are hosting a Chinese New Year gathering for the relatives on my dad’s side. I am not close to them, but I do know who they are. I also have an aunt who tends to put an ‘S’ to everybody’s name.)

    Aunt: “[My Name]s! Come here!”

    (I walk over.)

    Me: “Yes, [Aunt]?”

    Aunt: *pulling one of my cousins over* “[My name]s, have you met your cousin, Stephanie?”

    Me: “It’s not Stephanie.”

    Cousin: “My name is TIFFANY.”

    Aunt: “Ah, yes, Stiffany.”

    (I had to excuse myself to run somewhere private to laugh. Poor Tiffany!)

    Pain, The Silent Killer

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Cousins, Siblings

    Brother: *groaning loudly*

    Cousin: “What are you doing?”

    Brother: *more groaning* “I’m in pain!”

    Me: “Well, be in pain quietly!”

    Watering Down The Problem With Milk

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Cousins

    (Our cousin has come to visit us at the shop my parents own; we all decide to have lunch at the pub across the road. Our cousin offers to buy us drinks. I am 14 and my cousin is a year older.)

    Me: “I’ll have a coke, please.”

    (She heads in and soon comes back with the drinks, putting down a glass of milk for herself.)

    Me: “You’re drinking milk?”

    Cousin: “I have an ulcer, so I have to drink milk.”

    Me: “An ulcer? How did you get an ulcer?’

    Cousin: “The doctor reckons it’s the alcohol that caused it and told me I have to have milk. I refuse to drink plain milk so I added scotch to it.”

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