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    Category: Boyfriends & Girlfriends


    | NY, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Siblings

    (I’m having lunch with my boyfriend and his sister.)

    Sister: “Hmm… should I get chicken or turkey on this?”

    (She then looks at her brother, and they stare at each other for approximately a minute before she nods.)

    Sister: “Yeah, I’ll get chicken.”

    He Can Hop Off Right To Hell

    | MB, Canada | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Siblings

    (My mom is a right-leg amputee, currently using a wheelchair due to her prosthesis not fitting properly. I overhear this remark directed at her from my sister’s boyfriend.)

    Sister’s Boyfriend: “If there’s a stairway to heaven, you’re f***ed.”

    Daddy Issues

    | PA, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Godparents & Godchildren

    (My girlfriend and I are babysitting my two-year-old godson. His parents are separated, and, while his mom and dad have split custody of him, his dad is a deadbeat and doesn’t do his “dad duties” – he refuses to change diapers, put him down for naps, give baths, etc. and always lets my godson play in his room by himself while he goes on the computer and plays videogames. As a result, my godson has a strained relationship with his dad and has turned into a momma’s boy as a result).

    Girlfriend: “Do you love [My Name]?”

    Godson: “Yeah!”

    Me: “Do you love [Girlfriend]?”

    Godson: “Yeah!”

    Girlfriend: “Do you love Mommy?”

    Godson: “Yeah!”

    Me: “Do you love [Mommy's Boyfriend]?

    Godson: “Yeah!”

    Me & Girlfriend: “Do you love Daddy?”

    Godson: *ignores question*

    Me: “[Godson], do you love your daddy?”

    Godson: *no response*

    Girlfriend: “[Godson], do you love daddy?”

    Godson: “NO!”

    A Multiple Household Name

    | Australia | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My sister and her fiancé work together. He goes by his first name at work.)

    Workmate: “Hi, [Sister]. How did your date with [First Name] go? Did you have fun?”

    Sister: “Yes, it was great. [First Name] took me to the beach.”

    Workmate: “You and [First Name] are great together.”

    (They said their goodbyes and we leave.)

    Mum: “Who the h*** is [First name]? What about [Second Name]? Have you changed your mind?”

    Sister: *laughing* “No, Mum. [Second Name] is [First Name].”

    Mum:  ”Why? Is he hiding from someone?”

    Sister:  ”He was named after his father and grandfather. They use his second name at home to stop confusion.”

    Mum:  ”Okay, I understand. It would have caused confusion in our family, too, seeing as your father has the same first name.”

    Caught Him Off Guard

    | NY, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Nephews & Nieces

    (I am a party with my boyfriend, hosted by his family. He has three brothers, two of which have children. Niece #1 has brought her boyfriend over for the first time, and Niece #2 is an actress/comedian. It’s important to note that I am a very tall, muscular, and intimidating man, and Niece #1′s boyfriend is rather nervous. He is chatting with Niece #2, and I happen to need his attention.)

    Me: “Hey, [Niece’s Boyfriend]!”

    (He jumps about a foot in the air and backs away from Niece #2 very quickly.)

    Niece’s Boyfriend: “Sorry, sir! Is there some kind of perimeter that I need to keep around her?”

    Me: “What are you talking about?”

    Niece’s Boyfriend: “Aren’t you her bodyguard?”

    Niece #2: “No, that’s my uncle’s boyfriend.”

    Niece #1: “This is their 25th anniversary party. I told you that!”

    Niece’s Boyfriend: “Wait, him? Really?!”

    (He had really, honestly believed that I was Niece #2′s bodyguard for the better part of two hours.)

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