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Category: Boyfriends & Girlfriends

He Who Shall Not Be Named Correctly, Part 3

| USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends

(I am the only person in my family who has read or watched Harry Potter. However, my brother is now watching it with me for the first time.)

Brother: “How did Hagrid get Harry Potter in the first place?”

Me: “He borrowed someone’s motorcycle and went and got Harry from his dead parents’ house before anyone EVIL could get him.”

Brother: “Like the bad guy, whatsisname… Woldermont? Vondermord?”

Related:
He Who Shall Not Be Named Correctly, Part 2
He Who Shall Not Be Named Correctly

Also Hates Dragonfruit

| South Africa | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Siblings

(I am with my nine-year-old sister and my boyfriend:)

Boyfriend: *to me* “You’re an iguana!”

Sister: “I don’t like iguanas!”

Me: “True, you don’t like any lizards.”

Sister: “Lizard?! I thought it was a fruit!”

Getting Sick Of Christmas

| SC, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Parents & Guardians, Theme Of The Month

(On Christmas morning, I wake up feeling fine, but have apparently caught a stomach virus. Partway through opening presents with my siblings and parents, I start feeling gross. That afternoon, my boyfriend comes over to eat Christmas dinner with us and exchange gifts. The whole time, I’ve been feeling worse and worse. As he is getting ready to leave for the night, we all stand in the kitchen talking. He is a large, strong man who gives gigantic bear-hugs to friends and family.)

Mom: “Goodnight, [Boyfriend]. Merry Christmas!”

Boyfriend: “Goodnight, [Mom]. Goodnight, [My Name]. Merry Christmas darlin’.”

(At this point he hugs me really hard and my stomach goes ‘nope.’)

Me: *about to say something really sweet* “I… oh, no!!”

(I literally ran to the back door, as I didn’t have time to find a bathroom or trashcan, and promptly emptied the contents of my stomach all over the back porch. Repeatedly. Violently. The whole time, my mother and my boyfriend stood there with horrified expressions on their faces, wanting to help but not sure what to do. I managed a ‘goodnight’ as my boyfriend left, still feeling terrible that he couldn’t help me, and my mom tried to find something mild for me to eat or drink.)

A Prehistoric Christmas Tradition

| USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Parents & Guardians, Siblings, Theme Of The Month

(My mom got her boyfriend Beatles Rock Band for Christmas one year, which my little sister quickly became obsessed with playing. She doesn’t know anything about the Beatles or how to select which songs she wants to play, so she’s always asking my mom’s boyfriend for help.)

Sister: “Can you help me pick a song?”

Mom’s Boyfriend: “Sure. Which song did you want to play?”

Sister: “Lucky in the Sky With Dinosaurs!”

(We couldn’t stop laughing. We never call the song by its real name anymore.)

Mom And Dad Are Too Happy For You

| TX, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Parents & Guardians, Theme Of The Month

(My boyfriend and I have known each other for over 10 years, but have only been dating for a few. He met my parents before and they were friendly, but this occurred after we announced that we were dating. My parents love to embarrass new boyfriends as a test to see if they’ll stick around and fit in well.)

Me: “So… [Boyfriend] and I are dating now.”

Mom: “Really!? Finally! Now we can have some fun.”

Dad: “Yeah! We get to have the talk!”

Boyfriend: “Uh… the talk?”

Dad: *suddenly serious* “I know my daughter is not as innocent as she tries to appear. [Boyfriend], do you make her happy?”

(My boyfriend, having not seen this side of my parents, doesn’t seem to understand.)

Boyfriend: “Well, we’re dating, so I hope so…”

Dad: “No, no. Do you make her happy?!” *he adds elaborate air quotes to emphasize his point*

(My boyfriend still appears clueless.)

Mom: “D*****, [Boyfriend]! Are you good in bed?”

(My boyfriend turned bright red and couldn’t respond. He stuck around, so he passed the test, but my parents have made it a game to pick on him regularly and try to make him blush.)

I’m Marrying A Firestarter

| Lawton, OK, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Parents & Guardians, Theme Of The Month

(When this happened, I had recently started seeing the man I would eventually marry. I am at his apartment, attempting to fry chicken. Unfortunately, I have not turned the heat down once the oil gets up to temperature, and it starts to smoke. The fire alarm goes off, of course, and my phone starts ringing at the same time. My then-boyfriend answers:)

Him: “Stand by, the kitchens on fire!”

(And those were the first words he ever spoke to my mother!)


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