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    Category: Boyfriends & Girlfriends

    The New Girl Is A Scream

    | USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Siblings

    (I am meeting my middle brother’s girlfriend for the first time. I’m a little nervous about this, since most of the women my other brothers have dated think I’m creepy, and our parents keep trying to get me to be more ‘normal.’ We’re standing in their kitchen when this happens.)

    Brother’s Girlfriend: “So, we’re standing outside this concert venue, waiting to be let in, and—” *her phone starts ringing, and she glances at it* “Oooh! Telemarketer!”

    (She answers it, and after a deep inhale, bends almost halfway over doing this loud, sustained-note ‘death metal’ scream, then stops abruptly.)

    Brother’s Girlfriend: “Aw, he hung up. Anyway, we just kind of had this random conversation about zombies with the guy behi—” *notices the look on my face* “What?”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Do you always do that?”

    Brother’s Girlfriend: “There are a couple that pop up that you can usually identify as scam numbers pretty easily… With those ones, yeah, I do, unless we’re somewhere it might be socially unacceptable.”

    Me: *to my brother* “I like this one.”

    (It’s been a couple years, and they’re married now. My sister-in-law still does that, but they don’t get those calls very often to any of their phones.)

    The Real Grandchild Is A Whole Different Animal

    | Stockholm, Sweden | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Grandparents, Pets & Animals

    (My grandmother and grandfather are visiting me and my boyfriend for the first time in our new apartment. We have also just gotten a gecko as a pet and are always excited to show off our new ‘baby.’)

    Me: “Oh, hey! Do you want to meet your great grandkid?”

    (Both my grandparents suddenly look extremely uncomfortable and shocked.)

    Me: *not realizing*

    Boyfriend: “Uh…”

    Me: *realizing* “OH, MY GAWSH, NO! I meant the gecko!”

    A Bad Command Of English

    | England, UK | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Parents & Guardians

    (My mum, boyfriend, and I are watching a game show.)

    TV: “List countries starting with two consonants.”

    Boyfriend: “I can’t think of any…”

    Me: “Chile?”

    Mum: *with a ‘duh’ voice* “England!”

    Me: “Mum…”

    Mum: “What?”

    Me: “‘E’ is a vowel.”

    Mum: “Oh! United Kingdom, then!”

    Me: “Mum.”

    Mum: “OH!” *blushes*

    A Very Musical Family

    | USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Parents & Guardians, Siblings, Top

    (I’m a male. I’ve a female best friend. My mom has invited her to have dinner with us.)

    Mom: “So… [Friend], I heard you play guitar. So, I guess you must like One Direction? I must say they are cute!”

    Me: “Mom!”

    Dad: *scoffs*

    Friend: “Um… Yes, I love to play guitar but I’m not a fan of ANY band. I just like a few singers. It’s kind of a hobby.”

    Dad: “Oh, come on. Tell me you at least like Jus—”

    Me: “Dad, come on! Seriously?”

    Friend: *giggles* “No, Mr. [Name]. I prefer country songs.”

    Dad: *turning to me* “MARRY HER!”

    Brother: *from upstairs* “DUDE! NEVER LET HER GO!”

    Mom: “I’LL BOLT THE DOOR!”

    Friend: *laughing hysterically*

    Me: “Oh, God…”

    A Hairy Situation With A Colorful Solution

    | Eugene, OR, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Siblings

    (At this point, my brother has not met my boyfriend. My boyfriend is ginger, with red hair, pale skin, and freckles. He knocks on the door and my brother answers.)

    Boyfriend: “Hi. Is [My Name] there?”

    Brother: *yelling* “Hey, [My Name], a weird ginger kid is here to see you!”

    (My hair is a rat’s nest and I haven’t changed my clothes in three days. I do NOT want my boyfriend seeing me like this. My brother pushes me out the door.)

    Brother: “Go talk to the weird ginger kid. Go talk to the weird ginger kid.”

    Me: “No, please, my hair—”

    (He pushes me outside and locks the door.)

    Boyfriend: “Uh, hi. Do you want to come to a party at [Friend]‘s house?”

    Me: “Sure, just let me take a shower.”

    (I get my brother to let me in after I tell him I talked to the ‘weird ginger kid.’ Once I get inside:)

    Me: “That ‘weird ginger kid’ was [Boyfriend]!”

    Brother: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?”


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