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    Category: Boyfriends & Girlfriends

    The Dominant Education

    | NJ, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Children, Cousins

    (I am out to dinner with my family to celebrate my oldest cousin moving into a new apartment with her boyfriend. I have recently been tutoring my younger cousin in biology.)

    Younger Cousin: “Hey, [My Name], you have attached earlobes! That means that you have two recessive alleles, right?”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s right!”

    Younger Cousin: “Well, dad and I have unattached earlobes, and that means we have the dominant allele, right?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Younger Cousin: “And my mom has unattached earlobes, too! We’re all dominant!”

    Me: “Actually, I think your mom has attached earlobes. Take a closer look.”

    Older Cousin’s Boyfriend: “Well, dominant traits are always shown, and recessive traits are hidden, so you have to have two copies of the recessive gene to have a recessive trait.”

    Me:  “Right…”

    (Older cousin’s boyfriend continues to try to explain genetics to me as our family watches in silence, holding back snickers until finally my cousin says something.)

    Older Cousin: “You do know that this is what she is getting her Ph.D. in, right?”

    Older Cousin’s Boyfriend: *to me* “Why didn’t you say anything?!”

    Me: “Well, you didn’t say anything technically wrong…”

    Telepoultry

    | NY, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Siblings

    (I’m having lunch with my boyfriend and his sister.)

    Sister: “Hmm… should I get chicken or turkey on this?”

    (She then looks at her brother, and they stare at each other for approximately a minute before she nods.)

    Sister: “Yeah, I’ll get chicken.”

    He Can Hop Off Right To Hell

    | MB, Canada | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Siblings

    (My mom is a right-leg amputee, currently using a wheelchair due to her prosthesis not fitting properly. I overhear this remark directed at her from my sister’s boyfriend.)

    Sister’s Boyfriend: “If there’s a stairway to heaven, you’re f***ed.”

    Daddy Issues

    | PA, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Godparents & Godchildren

    (My girlfriend and I are babysitting my two-year-old godson. His parents are separated, and, while his mom and dad have split custody of him, his dad is a deadbeat and doesn’t do his “dad duties” – he refuses to change diapers, put him down for naps, give baths, etc. and always lets my godson play in his room by himself while he goes on the computer and plays videogames. As a result, my godson has a strained relationship with his dad and has turned into a momma’s boy as a result).

    Girlfriend: “Do you love [My Name]?”

    Godson: “Yeah!”

    Me: “Do you love [Girlfriend]?”

    Godson: “Yeah!”

    Girlfriend: “Do you love Mommy?”

    Godson: “Yeah!”

    Me: “Do you love [Mommy's Boyfriend]?

    Godson: “Yeah!”

    Me & Girlfriend: “Do you love Daddy?”

    Godson: *ignores question*

    Me: “[Godson], do you love your daddy?”

    Godson: *no response*

    Girlfriend: “[Godson], do you love daddy?”

    Godson: “NO!”

    A Multiple Household Name

    | Australia | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My sister and her fiancé work together. He goes by his first name at work.)

    Workmate: “Hi, [Sister]. How did your date with [First Name] go? Did you have fun?”

    Sister: “Yes, it was great. [First Name] took me to the beach.”

    Workmate: “You and [First Name] are great together.”

    (They said their goodbyes and we leave.)

    Mum: “Who the h*** is [First name]? What about [Second Name]? Have you changed your mind?”

    Sister: *laughing* “No, Mum. [Second Name] is [First Name].”

    Mum:  ”Why? Is he hiding from someone?”

    Sister:  ”He was named after his father and grandfather. They use his second name at home to stop confusion.”

    Mum:  ”Okay, I understand. It would have caused confusion in our family, too, seeing as your father has the same first name.”


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