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    Category: Aunts & Uncles

    A Forgettable Party

    | IN, USA | Aunts & Uncles

    (My son just celebrated his third birthday. The next day his favorite uncle, who was at the party, stops by on an unrelated matter. My son confronts him, very upset.)

    Son: “Uncle [Name]! You weren’t at my party! How did you miss it?”

    Uncle: “What? I was there!”

    Son: “How did you miss it?!”

    Uncle: *very confused and trying not to laugh* “I was there, [Son]. Look here.”

    (He takes out his phone and pulls up a series of photos showing the two of them at the party: opening presents, eating cake, and so on. My son stares at the photos for a while, blinking. He looks back up at his uncle.)

    Son: “How did you not miss it?!”

    Sister Resistor

    | IA, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians

    (I am on the phone with my mom. I am packing to go to the UK for 10 days for a concert and some time with my aunt (mom’s sister). Mom is on her usual lecture about being friends with my sister, with whom I don’t get along.)

    Mom: “Now, why couldn’t you invite [Sister]? She likes concerts.”

    Me: “Erm, we don’t like the same music.”

    Mom: “That’s just three days. There’s another week.”

    Me: “No. [Sister] doesn’t like [My Fiancé], and hates [Aunt].”

    Mom: “Ugh. What does that b**** have to do with anything?” *I hear my dad laughing* “What is so funny?”

    Me: “You don’t like your sister, so I’m just keeping with family traditions.”

    Mom: “What? [Aunt] is mean spirited and vile. She’s always been that way since she didn’t have children.”

    (My fiancé is now texting my dad, and both are laughing.)

    Me: “Yet another reason to like her.”

    Mom: “Oh, you’ll change your mind.”

    Dad: *in background* “No! Don’t change your mind! Oh Lord, please, no!”

    Mom: “[Dad], what are you talking about? I want grandchildren!”

    Dad: “You see how weird she turned out. Any kids will be weirder still.”

    Mom: “I don’t know why I bother.”

    A Sad Estate Of Affairs

    | Australia | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My parents extended their house after my grandparents could not afford the price hike on their rent. None of my mother’s three siblings could ‘afford’ to part with $10 a week to go towards the rent so Dad spent thousands on the extensions. 30 years later my grandmother is fading fast and in hospital. One of my uncles was visiting on one of his infrequent visits (one or two times a year).)

    Uncle: *to Dad* “We were thinking that it’s about time that Mum went into a nursing home.”

    Dad: “Really? Who is going to pay for that?”

    Uncle: “Well, um, it’ll take pressure off you. It must be hard for you to look after her like this all the time.”

    Dad: “You’ve never shown any concern for the last 30 years, so why start now?”

    (Nanna passed away less than a week later, on New Years Eve. My uncle and aunt had to be called back from vacation, turning up on the day of the funeral.)

    Aunt: *to Mum* “We would like to contribute towards the cost of the funeral.”

    (I look at my uncle, who has not said anything but just stiffens, and think, ‘you left it up to your wife to make an offer and it’s obvious you don’t want to spend a cent towards your mother.’)

    Mum: “No, it’s fine. The estate is covering it.”

    Uncle: *scoffs*

    Mum: “It’s true; I’ll prove it.’”

    (Mum hands over Nanna’s bankbook.)

    Uncle: *eyes light up at the balance* “I didn’t know she was worth this much.” *starts examining all of the entries*

    Mum: “Yes, with her inheritance from [Her Sister] and most of her pension in it added up.”

    Uncle: *demanding* “WHY IS THERE A $5000 WITHDRAWAL?”

    Mum: “Wh-wh-what? There shouldn’t be a withdrawal.”

    Uncle: “Yes, it’s right here. There’s money gone— Oh, no. It‘s all right. It’s a deposit. That’s okay, then.”

    (When the settlement was made, my uncle called Mum up asking if she had plans for her money.)

    Mum: *to Dad* “I can’t believe that. He wanted my share!”

    Very Ferry Lost

    | Calais, France | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians

    (My family is travelling to France on holiday, where we’ll be staying in my uncle’s villa. We have all just disembarked the ferry and we’re in two separate cars. My dad is talking to my uncle on the phone.)

    Dad: “So, you know where we’re going, right?”

    Uncle: “Yep, just follow me.”

    (My dad hangs up the phone and we watch as my uncle drives straight down the heavy vehicle lane which leads back onto the ferry.)

    Dad: *to our car* “We might have to put ourselves in charge of navigating.”

    An Offer He Had To Refuse

    | NJ, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Boyfriends & Girlfriends

    (I come from a very Italian family and many of my family members speak with a Brooklyn-Italian accent. It is Thanksgiving at my uncle’s house and this is the first time I have brought my boyfriend to meet my extended family. My uncle is sitting at the head of the table and my boyfriend is directly opposite him. My uncle can be blunt and with the accent he sometimes reminds people of a character from a certain movie.)

    Uncle: *in a very stern tone* “So, [Boyfriend], what do you do for a living?”

    Boyfriend: “I’m currently in paramedic school.”

    Uncle: “Oh, so you’re still a student. Can you get a job with that?”

    Boyfriend: “Yes, sir.”

    (My uncle continues to question my boyfriend in this manner until finally dessert come out.)

    My Uncle: *still speaking sternly* “[Boyfriend], take a cannoli.”

    Boyfriend: “I would, sir, but I don’t have a gun to leave.”

    (Thankfully, ‘The Godfather’ is one of my family’s favorite moves. To this day my boyfriend is convinced my uncle is a mob boss.)

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