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    Category: Aunts & Uncles

    A ‘Stiff’ Resolve To Get The Name Right

    | Singapore | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins

    (My parents are hosting a Chinese New Year gathering for the relatives on my dad’s side. I am not close to them, but I do know who they are. I also have an aunt who tends to put an ‘S’ to everybody’s name.)

    Aunt: “[My Name]s! Come here!”

    (I walk over.)

    Me: “Yes, [Aunt]?”

    Aunt: *pulling one of my cousins over* “[My name]s, have you met your cousin, Stephanie?”

    Me: “It’s not Stephanie.”

    Cousin: “My name is TIFFANY.”

    Aunt: “Ah, yes, Stiffany.”

    (I had to excuse myself to run somewhere private to laugh. Poor Tiffany!)

    Firing ‘Off’ An Answer

    | MA, USA | Aunts & Uncles

    (I was too young to remember this story, but my family tells it often. When I was three, my aunt was staying with us. I ran downstairs only half dressed.)

    Aunt: “[My Name], where are your pants?”

    Me: “Off!”

    Dress-Up Is Not A Game

    | Indonesia | Aunts & Uncles

    (I have an aunt who has two children, an eight-year-old boy and a six-year-old girl. The boy is known to be a bit less mature than his sister. One day they are visiting one of my other aunts. When she walks into the sibling’s assigned room:)

    Aunt: “[Boy], why haven’t you dressed up?”

    (The boy is only wearing his underwear.)

    Boy: “I was waiting for [Sister] to dress me up; she buttons my shirt faster than I do,”

    Already Knows How The World Works

    | SK, Canada | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My sister is three years old. We are staying at my grandparents’ home with some of our relatives. My sister is playing dress-up with our cousins and is wearing a black outfit.)

    Sister: “I’m Mrs. Black.”

    Aunt: “Where’s Mr. Black?”

    Sister: “Oh, he died.”

    Brother: “How did he die? Did he kill himself? Or did someone else kill him? Or did he die of a disease? Or was he just really old?”

    Sister: “He was just really old.”

    Dad: “So did you get lots of money?”

    Sister: “Yeah, I got lots of money. So I could buy a new Mr. Black!”

    This Operation Is On A Mission From God

    | FL, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins

    (My family usually has whole conversations by simply quoting movies. My cousin is rushed to the hospital to have emergency surgery. This is the conversation between him, his mom, and the OR nurse as she is wheeling him out of the room.)

    OR Nurse: “Okay, we are going to the OR now, you’ll see everyone later.”

    Cousin: “Okay, but bring the machine that goes BING!”

    OR Nurse: “Umm…okay.”

    Aunt: “Well, sweetie, it is 106 miles to Chicago, we have a full tank of gas, a half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark out, and we are wearing sunglasses.”

    Cousin: “Hit it!”

    OR Nurse: “I am pretty sure it is more than 106 miles to Chicago from here.”

    Cousin & Aunt: “…”

    Meet Aunty Condescending

    | MI, USA | Aunts & Uncles

    (My fiancé and I are about a month away from our wedding day. Being a bit nontraditional and nerdy, the plan is for the reception to be a costume party, and to have board/card games for the guests to play rather than dancing. We’re still waiting for some of the RSVP’s to roll in.)

    Aunt’s RSVP: “Three of us will be coming, but we’re not wearing costumes. Also we are NOT gamers, lol. We are normal people who go outside, work with our hands, and get dirty. Sorry, had to say that. But we do love our family and accept them as they are, so we will be there.”

    (We are puzzled as to how she thinks ‘love and acceptance’ is demonstrated by refusing to go along with any of the planned festivities, not to mention that she took the time to disparage us because both my fiancé and my father work with websites rather than a more labor-intensive profession.)

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