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    Category: Aunts & Uncles

    The Sad (Pro)State Of Philosophy

    | Birmingham, England, UK | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians

    (My extended family has gathered for a meal at my aunt’s house to celebrate as I have recently finished my Ph.D. studies and am now a Doctor of Philosophy. Most of them understand it’s not a medical qualification.)

    Mum: “I propose a toast to [My Name], who has worked very hard and is the first doctor in the family! Cheers!”

    Everyone: “Cheers!”

    Me: “Thanks everyone. I appreciate it. Just got to find a job now!”

    Everyone: *laughs*

    Aunt: “But you’ll get a job easily. Don’t worry about it. There are hundreds of hospitals who need qualified doctors.”

    Mum: “It’s not that sort of doctorate. It’s not a medical qualification. It’s in philosophy.”

    Aunt: “But Uncle Jimmy saw one of those at the local hospital, about his prostate.”

    Mum: “He saw a philosopher about his prostate? Don’t you mean a proctologist?”

    Aunt: “I guess. They’re pretty much the same thing, though. Aren’t they?”

    Me: “I really, really hope that doesn’t turn out to be the case.”

    In The Twilight Of Their Youth, Part 8

    | MO, USA | Aunts & Uncles

    (My aunts are discussing ‘Twilight’ and I have the bad luck of walking in on it.)

    Aunt #1: “I always thought Jacob would’ve been better for Bella.”

    Aunt #2: “You’re Team Jacob? Terrible.”

    Aunt #1: “Hey, Edward’s creepy.”

    Aunt #2: “He is not! [My Name], what do you think? Edward or Jacob?”

    Me: *deer in headlights for about five seconds* “Uh…” *dramatic tone* “Lestaaaaat. TEAM LESTAAAAAT! NO FAIRIES! AAAAAAHHH! THE SPARKLES BURN! YOU’VE CONTAMINATED MY MIND!” *hisses and runs away*

    Aunt #2: *blink* “Oh…kay, then…”

    (Fortunately, they have never talked about ‘Twilight’ in my presence again.)

    In The Twilight Of Their Youth, Part 7
    In The Twilight Of Their Youth, Part 6
    In The Twilight Of Their Youth, Part 5
    In The Twilight Of Their Youth, Part 4
    In The Twilight Of Their Youth, Part 3
    In The Twilight Of Their Youth, Part 2 (From Not Always Romantic)
    In The Twilight Of Their Youth (From Not Always Right)

    He’ll Be Saying Mating For Life

    | Israel | Aunts & Uncles, Children, Nephews & Nieces

    (I’m about six. I read a lot for my age, and have just learnt about the birds and the bees – in very scientific terms. I’m at my uncle’s house and have just come into the living room to see a steamy scene on the TV.)

    Me: “Look, uncle! That man and woman, they’re mating!”

    (To this day I have no idea how my uncle managed to keep his cool.)

    Debt-icated To Further Education

    | Göteborg, Sweden | Aunts & Uncles

    (We are having a family gathering at my grandfather’s house. One of my aunts has ignored me for most of the evening, but suddenly decides to ask about my studies at university.)

    Aunt: “I thought you would be done with your studies by now.”

    Me: “Well… I like learning things. I might go for a master’s degree.”

    Aunt: “But… when will you start to pay back your debt to society?!”

    The Devil Has A Spell(ing) On You

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Aunts & Uncles, Children, Nephews & Nieces

    (My husband has an elderly aunt who is a nun. As her convent is far away and she can’t visit, she calls us regularly, and sometimes speaks to our four-year-old daughter. She has called and is speaking to my husband.)

    Husband: “I’ll put [Daughter] on now, Aunty.”

    Daughter: “Hello!”

    Aunt: “What have you been up to?”

    Daughter: “Um…”

    Husband: *encouragingly* “Tell [Aunt] what words you can spell now.”

    Daughter: “I can spell ‘devil!’”

    (My husband then tries to explain to the nun that daughter was referring to her toy Tasmanian devil, and not Satan. I suspect we got extra prayers from her that night.)

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