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  • Category: Aunts & Uncles

    Burst Your Scantron Bubble

    | Winston-Salem, NC, USA | Aunts & Uncles

    (It’s my senior year of high school, and finals month. I’m at my aunt’s house, having dinner.)

    Aunt: “So, what did you learn in school today?”

    Me: “Ugh. That three hundred Scantron bubbles are way too many.”

    Aunt: “Did you say Scantron?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Aunt: “THOSE F***ERS STILL USE THAT S***?! It was old when I was in school!”

    Girls Love Biker Boys

    | Tel-Aviv, Israel | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins, Parents & Guardians

    (My little cousin has ADHD and loves to ride his bike. We are currently talking about marriages.)

    My Dad: “So are you going to be like [Cousin #2] and have lots of girlfriends?”

    My Aunt: “Yeah, are you going to kiss lots of girls as well? Even TWO at once?”

    Cousin #1: “No, I’m already married to my bike. Tell the girls I’m taken.”

    She Really Needs To Change Her Tune

    | MO, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins, Parents & Guardians

    (My grandpa, two aunts, and three cousins are over at my dad’s apartment after my cousins’ swimming lessons. My cousins, our aunt, my dad, and I are in the kitchen while the boys eat. Their mom and our grandpa are in the adjoining living room. My dad is whistling as he cooks.)

    Cousin #1: “Wow, [My Dad], not only are you a good cook, you’re a good whistler!”

    Dad: *laughs* “[My Name] hates when I whistle.”

    Cousin #1: “Why? He whistles better than Mommy does.”

    Aunt: “Yup. Your mom can’t whistle at all.”

    Cousin #1: “She can’t even carry a tune. She should just stop whistling… I hope Mommy hears us.”

    The Future Of Back To The Future

    | Ireland | Aunts & Uncles, Grandparents

    (I’m at my fiancé’s grandfather’s house, along with my fiancé and his aunt.)

    Aunt: “Well, let’s hope 2015 goes even better than 2014!”

    Me: *joking* “We’ll have hoverboards anyway.”

    Aunt: “What are those?”

    Me: “Oh, you know, from Back to the Future.”

    Aunt & Granddad: *blank looks*

    Me: “The film, Back to the Future.”

    Aunt: “Oh, is that a new film coming out next year?”

    Me: “…yes. Yes, it is.”

    (My fiancé turned his face away from them to hide how much he was laughing.)

    Hasn’t Had His Fill Yet

    | PA, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Grandparents

    (It’s Thanksgiving and my family is eating dinner. My grandfather is getting irate because everyone’s eating all the filling, which is like stuffing but made with potatoes, because he likes to have them as leftovers. My uncle, being the smart-a** that he is, seems to find this hilarious.)

    Grandmother: “So, is everybody ready for dessert?”

    Uncle: “Nope. I’m just waiting for some more of that filling!”

    (He then proceeded to get a massive plate of filling, sat down next to my grandfather with it, covered it with whipped cream, and ate it for dessert. There were no leftovers.)

    Realizing They Were Making Boobs Of Themselves

    | NH, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians

    (My cousin and I are more like sisters and we have a weird relationship where we converse with a lot of grunting sounds and physical contacts instead of words. We’ve just had a screaming match of epic proportions and are being forced to work it out. My aunt and dad are there to make sure we don’t start a fist fight.)

    Aunt: “Now, you two calm down and talk this out. You’re too close to throw away your relationship over something so petty.”

    (We stare angrily at each other for a few minutes before punch each other in the boob. Having made up and being best friends again we go to get a drink leaving our baffled parents behind us.)

    Dad: “Where did we go wrong with those two?”


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