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    Category: Aunts & Uncles

    They’ll Go To Hell Before They Say ‘I Love You’

    | USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins

    (I stopped by my aunt’s to drop some stuff she asked me to bring before going home. She has 19-year-old twin sons.)

    Me: “Aunt [Name]! I’m here!”

    Aunt: “Hi, Sweety, Thank you so much. So sorry to bother you, dear.”

    Me: “Oh! Come on, anything for my family. Here, I know you love chocolates.”

    Aunt: “Oh, I love you!”

    Me: *hugs her* “Love you, too.”

    (During this exchange, my cousins were sitting there watching TV. Then this happens.)

    Cousin #1: *staring at the screen* “Hey [Cousin #2]? Go to h***.”

    Cousin #2: *staring at the screen* “Yeah. You, too.”

    Me: *confused* “What was that?”

    Aunt: *giggling* “That’s how they say they love each other. Twins are weird like that.”

    Me: “No, it’s cute. It’ll be cuter if they say ‘I love you’ though.”

    Cousins #1 & #2: *both at the same time* “Boys don’t say that. Only girls do.”

    Me: “Yup. Absolutely weird.”

    Never Too Old To Fight For What’s Right

    | NH, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Grandparents, LGTBQ, Top

    (I don’t have a grandfather of my own as they both passed away before I was born. My cousin’s grandfather has come on vacation with us. They call him papaw. I’ve never really called him anything because I’m not sure what to call him as he’s not my grandfather and I’m not exactly sure how he feels about me. I’ve recently come out as gay and have brought my girlfriend with us on the trip. We’re listening to the radio and there’s some controversial story about gay rights being debated about.)

    Papaw: “D*** all these gays! This crap is annoying!”

    Uncle: “Dad!”

    Papaw: “What? This gay rights crap is getting old. I’ll never see anything settled in my lifetime so why should I have to hear about it everywhere I go? I’m sick of it!”

    Me: “Um, my girlfriend and I are sitting right here.”

    Papaw: “You don’t count.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Papaw: “Because you’re my granddaughter and I’ll always fight for or beside you no matter what we’re fighting for.”

    (He’s since passed away but I couldn’t have asked for a better grandfather.)

    Don’t Worry About It For The Rest Of Your Days

    | PA, USA | Aunts & Uncles

    (My aunt and uncle don’t have kids, so they’ve been like second parents to me and my sister. I’m visiting the zoo with them today, and we’re looking at the meerkats. A Romanian family is nearby, the kids talking loudly and excitedly about the animals.)

    Aunt: “Well, it looks like we know what the Romanian word for ‘meerkat’ is: ‘Timon!’”

    (I stare at her for a moment, and then burst out laughing.)

    Aunt: “What?”

    Me: “You can tell [Sister] and I are grown up. You haven’t watched The Lion King in a while!”

    Straightening Out Their Musical History

    | MA, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians, Top

    (I am attending my great-uncle’s funeral at a Catholic Church.  While the rest of the family is at least nominally Catholic (though not into some of the hard-line doctrine), I renounced it years ago and am atheist, so I do not take Communion.  While everyone is lining up, a singer starts Schubert’s ‘Ave Maria.’)

    Me: *snicker*

    Mom: *cuffs me on the back of the head* “Stop it!  This is a funeral!”

    Me: “Yeah, but Mom, this is a Catholic Church and she’s singing Schubert.”

    Mom: “So?”

    Me: “So Schubert was gay. Bet they don’t know that.”

    Mom, Sister, and Aunt: *snicker*

    Dad: “Whatever you do, don’t tell your great-aunt!”

    Fad Names Are Just The Flavor Of The Month

    | Australia | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians

    (My aunt and I are discussing my cousin’s two boys and the coming birth of her new baby. The boys are ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle’ mad.)

    Aunt: “[Grandsons] love those mutant turtles. They want the new baby to be a girl.”

    Me: “They don’t want a brother?”

    Aunt: “No, they want a sister so she can be called April.”

    Me: “Oh, okay.”

    Aunt: “But April is a month, who ever heard of using the name of a month to name a child?”

    Me: “I have a niece named April.”

    Aunt: “It’s a month. No child should be named after a month.”

    Me: “Yes. You are probably right, Aunty JUNE.”

    (I am relating this conversation with my mum later.)

    Mum: “That’s funny because she told me that her mother had named her for the month she was born in. She was born on the last day of June, if she was born the next day her name was going to be Julie.”


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