Category: Aunts & Uncles

Realizing They Were Making Boobs Of Themselves

| NH, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians

(My cousin and I are more like sisters and we have a weird relationship where we converse with a lot of grunting sounds and physical contacts instead of words. We’ve just had a screaming match of epic proportions and are being forced to work it out. My aunt and dad are there to make sure we don’t start a fist fight.)

Aunt: “Now, you two calm down and talk this out. You’re too close to throw away your relationship over something so petty.”

(We stare angrily at each other for a few minutes before punch each other in the boob. Having made up and being best friends again we go to get a drink leaving our baffled parents behind us.)

Dad: “Where did we go wrong with those two?”

Beauty Is In The Colorful Eyes Of The Beholder

| Singapore | Aunts & Uncles, Siblings

(My young brother gets more than his fair share of teasing from my youngest aunt, who loves teasing small kids. My brother is drawing and colouring in a picture. As with all young kids, he loves bright colours. My mum and her sisters are all present. We are Asian.)

Brother: “This is mama. I like mama, so I’ll give her red eyes. This is [Second Aunt]. I like her too, so I shall give her pink eyes. Over here is [Third Aunt]. She is very nice and I like her, so she gets green eyes. I don’t like [Youngest Aunt], so I will find the ugliest colour for her eyes. I shall give her black eyes!”

Youngest Aunt: *to her sisters* “Haha, you are all freaks! I’m the only normal one! Haha!”

A Wild Geologist Appears!

| WV, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians

(My father and two of my uncles were taking a walk along a strip mine when they began to hear a strange tapping noise.)

Uncle: *whispering* “What’s that?”

Dad: “Sounds like the tapping of a wild geologist.”

(They crept quietly over the ridge and peered down. Sure enough, it was a geologist my dad knew, hunting for fossils.)

The Sky Is The Zip Code Limit

| NJ, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Children

(It’s a slow day. I only have two or three tables filled at the time, one of which is a mother with two young daughters, the oldest looking no more than five, and young lady who, from overhearing the conversation, is either her sister or sister-in-law. I’ve taken their order a while back and the young girl is filling out the kid’s place mat: a map of America with some landmarks to match to states. The map is just America.)

Little Girl: “Aunty, where are we?”

Aunt: “Well, New York is here so we should be about here:” *points to New Jersey on the map*

Little Girl: “And where do you live?”

Aunt: “Hmm… well, Montana is here so Calgary would be about here.”

(She then puts a dot above the map with one of the crayons and looks over to the mom to confirm the location. The little girl’s eyes light up in amazement.)

Little Girl: “Aunty, you live in the sky?!”

Opposites Detract

| Prince George, BC, Canada | Aunts & Uncles

(My sister and I, despite looking similar enough to be considered twins and enjoying many of the same things, are very different people. She’s always been a mature, proper little lady while I’m a more mischievous tomboy. My sister is about four and I’m two. My aunt is up from Vancouver and is seeing this with her own eyes for the first time.)

Aunt: *to mom* “Your girls really are complete opposites.”

(My sister runs through the room, completely derailing my Aunt’s train of thought.)

Aunt: “[Sister] is so cute!”

Putting0The0Texts0Into0Context

| Burlington, ON, Canada | Aunts & Uncles

(My aunt is staying at my grandma’s apartment while she visits from BC. She has recently gotten a cell phone — an old flip phone where you type by pressing the corresponding number keys the appropriate number of times. The first two texts she sent me were while I was on my way over to visit. She hadn’t found the space key yet.)

First Text: “What0time0ru0coming0″

Second Text: “Where0r0u”

(The third text was a couple weeks later. She’d found the space key, but not the backspace key.)

Third Text: “Hi bnm s*** start again gg s*** can u come to grammys wed pm luv u”

(Now she just needs to figure out punctuation and she’ll be all set!)


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