• Bobbing Her Mouth Up And Down - 233 votes
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    Category: Aunts & Uncles

    A Poor Excuse For Not Knowing

    | Australia | Aunts & Uncles

    (My aunt is relating the story of my father’s birth to me.)

    Aunt: “I was 14 and at school when the local midwife’s daughter came up to me and told me that my mother had a baby that morning. I told her to stop being silly because my mother hadn’t even been pregnant. I had to ask [Other Aunt] about it, who told me it was true.”

    Me: “You didn’t know your mother was pregnant?”

    Aunt: “No, in those days children weren’t told that sort of thing. [Other Aunt] only knew about it because she was the oldest at 15 and they needed someone to cook our breakfast. She would tell us that Mum had a headache.”

    Me: “You must have been upset to find out that way.”

    Aunt: “No. It was just the way it was, but I was upset because now there were seven kids in our family and I thought that only poor families had that many children, and we weren’t poor.”

    Scary For Different Reasons

    | Hershey, PA, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Siblings

    (During a long car ride, my eight year old sister gets bored and snatches my aunt’s copy of 50 Shades of Grey from the basket in front of her.)

    Sister: “I’m bored. I’m going to read this.”

    Me: *snatching it from her* “Nooooo, you’re not…”

    Sister: “Why not?”

    Aunt: “Because it’s not for kids.”

    Sister: “But my daddy lets me watch scary movies all the time!”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s not really the problem…”

    He Was Dead Wrong

    | Toledo, OH, USA | Aunts & Uncles

    (My uncle is under the impression that all cartoons are mindless drivel designed to keep kids occupied and quiet. As such, he believes all anime is the same way.)

    Me: “It’s really not, Uncle [Name].”

    Uncle: “Show me one cartoon, just ONE CARTOON, that actually has substance and I’ll think about it.”

    Me: “Okay. Sit down.”

    (I show him the animated movie for ‘Dead Space.’ An hour and a half later, I turn off the TV and look at him.)

    Uncle: *face blank*

    Me: “Well?”

    Uncle: “You’d better not let [Niece] and [Nephew] watch this. Holy s***!”

    Aunty Bitter And Uncle Jealous

    | NV, USA | Aunts & Uncles

    (Unbeknownst to me, there’s been a lot of tension and drama between my aunts and uncles and parents. I’ve been pretty much clueless, until this happens. I’ve just graduated from high school and won a full scholarship to a good school, which I really need, since there was no money for it.)

    Aunt: “What are you doing now that you’ve graduated?”

    Me: “I’m going to [School] in September. I’m not sure what I want to do yet, but I’m really excited. I just got a letter saying I have a scholarship for the first year, so I can go!”

    Aunt: “You have no idea what it means to work, do you? You just think it’s all going to be easy-peasy. [Uncle] and I worked for 12 years to get both of us through college, and you just think it’s all going to be cake, don’t you?”

    Me: “Um, no, I’m just excited because this is the only way I can go at all.”

    Aunt: “Well, don’t be surprised if you just flunk out.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    A Mass(ive) Problem With States

    | IL, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins

    (My older cousin is studying to become a teacher. This is apparently a conversation she had with my uncle.)

    Uncle: “So, [Cousin], I’m going on a business trip to Boston next week.”

    Cousin: “Boston, like the state?”

    Lactose And Glucose And Gluten, Oh My!

    | NC, USA | Aunts & Uncles

    (I’m at the grocery store when I bump into my great-aunt. It’s been a couple months since we last talked.)

    Great-Aunt: *gestures to the bread in my basket* “So, you’re still doing the glucose thing?”

    Me: “Uh, what do you mean?”

    Great-Aunt: “The bread and milk thing. The glucose intolerance.”

    Me: “I’m lactose intolerant, if that’s what you mean. That’s just milk, though.”

    Great-Aunt: “Oh! What is glucose, then?

    Me: “Sugar, as in ‘blood sugar.’ I thought you were asking if I was diabetic!”

    (We share a laugh.)

    Great-Aunt: “But seriously, what’s the thing with the bread called? The intolerance?”

    Me: “That’s gluten, not glucose.”

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