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    Category: Aunts & Uncles

    Very Ferry Lost

    | Calais, France | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians

    (My family is travelling to France on holiday, where we’ll be staying in my uncle’s villa. We have all just disembarked the ferry and we’re in two separate cars. My dad is talking to my uncle on the phone.)

    Dad: “So, you know where we’re going, right?”

    Uncle: “Yep, just follow me.”

    (My dad hangs up the phone and we watch as my uncle drives straight down the heavy vehicle lane which leads back onto the ferry.)

    Dad: *to our car* “We might have to put ourselves in charge of navigating.”

    An Offer He Had To Refuse

    | NJ, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Boyfriends & Girlfriends

    (I come from a very Italian family and many of my family members speak with a Brooklyn-Italian accent. It is Thanksgiving at my uncle’s house and this is the first time I have brought my boyfriend to meet my extended family. My uncle is sitting at the head of the table and my boyfriend is directly opposite him. My uncle can be blunt and with the accent he sometimes reminds people of a character from a certain movie.)

    Uncle: *in a very stern tone* “So, [Boyfriend], what do you do for a living?”

    Boyfriend: “I’m currently in paramedic school.”

    Uncle: “Oh, so you’re still a student. Can you get a job with that?”

    Boyfriend: “Yes, sir.”

    (My uncle continues to question my boyfriend in this manner until finally dessert come out.)

    My Uncle: *still speaking sternly* “[Boyfriend], take a cannoli.”

    Boyfriend: “I would, sir, but I don’t have a gun to leave.”

    (Thankfully, ‘The Godfather’ is one of my family’s favorite moves. To this day my boyfriend is convinced my uncle is a mob boss.)

    A Big Baby Booboo, Part 2

    | Canada | Aunts & Uncles, Grandparents

    Aunt: “I’m not feeling very well. I feel so bloated.”

    Grandma: “Have you tried going to the bathroom?”

    Aunt: “Yes. I’m constipated.”

    Grandma: “Drink some beer. The carbonation will help you get the gas out.”

    (My aunt drinks the beer, and tells my grandma that she doesn’t feel any better after.)

    Grandma: “I have some medicine if you want it.”

    Aunt: “Okay.” *takes the pills*

    (Afterwards, she still feels sick.)

    Grandma: “Maybe a massage will help.”

    (My grandma starts rubbing my aunt’s stomach.)

    Grandma: “Better?”

    Aunt: “No.”

    Grandma: *massages harder* “Now?”

    Aunt: “No.”

    Grandma: “Maybe I should step on it.”

    (My grandma starts walking on my aunt’s stomach.)

    Aunt: “I still don’t feel any better. I think I’ll see a doctor later.”

    Grandma: “You should. I think you’re really coming down with something.”

    (My aunt books an appointment to see a doctor a couple days later. After an examination, the doctor figures out what is wrong with my aunt.)

    Aunt: “What’s the bad news?”

    Doctor: “No bad news at all! You’re pregnant!”

    (As a side note, I’d like to say that the baby turned out perfectly fine and healthy!)

    Related:
    A Big Baby Booboo

    Burnt Toast

    | MN, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins

    (It’s my grandfather’s 90th birthday. Extended family members from four states have come to celebrate. It’s dessert time during the dinner party and people have been making toasts. My aunt gets up and raises her glass of wine.)

    Aunt: “I’d just like to say how much I appreciate my dad for being so open and accepting of what his kids wanted to do with their lives—”

    Cousin: “Mom, you made that toast already. Five minutes ago.”

    Aunt: “I did?”

    All Of Us: “YES!”

    Aunt: “Well, I want to make it again!”

    (Clearly, we’d all been toasting too much already.)

    Obama Drama

    | Lexington, KY, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins

    (It is around the time the 2008 Presidential campaign is beginning to pick up steam, and since my family’s African American, everyone is buzzing about Barack Obama, although some of the older relatives are rather skeptical.)

    Cousin: “Can you believe this? It looks like he may have a shot.”

    Uncle: “Huh. He won’t win.”

    Me: “What makes you think that?”

    Uncle: “With the way this country works, he’ll never make it past the primaries. Mark my words.”

    Me: “Actually, the primaries are over. He did make it.”

    Uncle: “Oh… uh… he still won’t make it.”

    (I really wish I could’ve been there to see his reaction when Obama won the national election… for both terms.)


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