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    Articulation Leads To Impregnation

    | CA, USA | Cousins

    (I am chatting with my thirteen-year-old cousin about college. I am at a very prestigious university; she, however, is very immature, and does not care about academics. Therefore, the following conversation is surprising.)

    Cousin: “So, how’s college? Academically speaking?”

    Me: “A lot harder than anything before it was.”

    Cousin: “Can you say that in a long sentence?”

    Me: “Why?”

    Cousin: “Just because.”

    Me: *showing off* “Okay, is this long enough for you? College is proving much more academically challenging, and thereby stimulating, than were my previous years of study. The inclusion of the grade curve, diminished amount of assignments, and higher-level performance expected all contribute to the grade deflation common to such schools.”

    Cousin: “Anything else you’d like to say about college? Just do it, I’ll explain in a second.”

    Me: “I’ve got lots more free time but that doesn’t mean I can just waste it doing nothing because I have so much to study for. I have to actually be careful and manage my money much as I’d like to buy a ton of junk food.”

    (There is a long pause. Suddenly, I receive an email, which has also been sent to my aunt, brother, and best friend…)

    ”Dear all,

    College is proving much more academically challenging, and thereby stimulating, than were my previous years of study; the inclusion of the grade curve, diminished amount of assignments, and higher-level performance expected all contribute to the grade deflation common to such schools.

    I’ve got lots more free time but that doesn’t mean I can just waste it doing nothing because I have so much to study for.

    I have to actually be careful and manage my money much as I’d like to buy a ton of junk food However, aside from college, I have something else I’d like to share with you…

    I’m pregnant!

    With a baby girl, I think.”

    (I immediately began the damage control!)