(My parents video chat with me weekly to check up on me. It usually ends up where my mom and I do all the talking while my dad just sits there and listens. This bothers my mom, so she decides to make him talk a bit.)

Mom: “Ask Dad what he did today.”

Me: “Okay… Dad, what did you do today?”

Dad: “I had a finger up my butt!”

Me: *shocked silence for a moment* “And… um… how is your prostate? Please, please, tell me this was a doctor’s appointment.”

Dad: “My prostate is just dandy. But the doctor wasn’t even cute! $10 co-pay to be felt up and I got a 60-something old man. Not cool.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Dad: *to Mom* “This is why you shouldn’t let me talk.”